Me and my husband met through the internet and had long distance relationship for 1 year. I live in US. My husband is from my home county, I went to visit for 2 weeks. We got married and he came to US and we are together. I am trying everything I can to make him comfortable. He is trying to adjust, to find a job and he is depressed. I feel that he isn't happy with me, most of the time he is cold, when I am trying to kiss him he turns his head and doesn't kiss me back. Even sex is not satisfying. We fight everyday. I become controlling and desparate and I hate that. I tried to talk to him but he is telling me he is tired of me complaining all the time. I give him all my attention. I call him during the day from the work, hoping he will tell me something sweet and he gets annoed . I love him, I just want to feel that I am most important thing in his life. I don't know what to do.
2006-08-23 03:48:13 · 9 answers · asked by sophie12780 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Back off for a little bit!!
2006-08-23 03:50:54 · answer #1 · answered by Denise B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to be treated like this and I would think about getting out of the marriage, you could try counseling first but he is wrong. O.K. I can understand his frustration on work and in a new location but I can not understand his turning of the head while you try to kiss him! A marriage should get stronger at times like this and during hard times a husband and wife should pull together not make things worse and work aginst one another. Try to give him his space, don't call as much, act like you don't care, go on with your life and see if his attitude changes any. He is not going to make you feel like you are the most important thing in his life b/c he has problems that he can not see beyond so set those feelings aside for now. Are you sure he is seeking work? I would be very affraid that he may be using you keep an eye open for this and don't let him, if this is the case get out now while you can and before it is too late! Good luck!
2006-08-23 11:55:25 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
(I'm guessing your name's Sophie).
Sophie, I'm currently in your husbands position. Although I didn't move from another country to be with my partner, I have had to move away from everything familiar to me to be in this relationship.
I have being at this new town for 8 months now and I'm very depressed. I am studying from home and feel very isolated. I don't have many friends and spend alot of time on my own. I am trying to look for work, but there's nothing available for a young female where i live (rural town). I find that really hard to cope with because in the past I"ve always being 'handed' jobs. All of this new life is hard to cope with and has had an affect on my self esteem. I have recently begun rejected my partner and pushing him away. This is mostly because I've had thoughts of leaving and going home. I'm so homesick and can't let go of everything I've had to give up. It's hard to find a balance. I am currently really depressed. Sometimes I have good days and some are bad. I understand how your husband's feeling. It is a huge emotional time for him, having to move country. He may be resenting you a little. You need to make him sit down, when you're both relaxed, and get him to open up. Although, it does sound like you're trying too hard at the moment, so until you back off, don't have this little chat. He could just possibly 'snap'.
I hope this helps just by knowing you and him aren't alone. Just keep communication open and ensure you give him plenty of space. Make sure he isn't spending too much time alone. Get him to join a sporting group or social circle.
Xx
2006-08-23 11:04:25 · answer #3 · answered by montanasamra 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are scared to death aren't you? poor girl!
Look, hon, this is a new world for him and a new way of living as married as well. You need to back up and let him get his feet under him.
Suggest sight seeing to him. Drive or take one of those bus tours if you can. It will do you guys a world of good.
Your private physical life is suffering because of no relaxed time.
Try for a while to not mention what is wrong with anything. Just let him adjust and perhaps you might suggest that YOU are thinking of joining a golf club, or going to get a membership in a health club. Something where he can follow and meet other people.
2006-08-23 15:38:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sound like he is missing home and he (even if he doesnt realize it) is blamin you. something is really bothering him and for some reason he does not feel connected to you. weather its that he is not working and supporting his family ie YOU or that somehting you have done is buggin him. sit him down and ask what is wrong. dont get defensive or angery or controlling ask sincerly what is wrong he will talk to you if you give him a chance. just keep in mind that at one point you were both so madly in love with eachother and wanted to be together so bad that you made the ultimate commitment and were wed. he obviously loves you i mean he moved away form everyone and everything for YOU nothing else but you so remember that and show appriciation for it. even if its just saying baby i know you gave up alot to be here with me thank you i love you. it can be that simple. actions speak louder then words so show him you love and appriciate him. something is bugging him so find out what it is and help him solve it but remember when you ask whats wrong its about HIM not YOU. listen for a change. good luck
2006-08-23 11:22:37 · answer #5 · answered by TEMPTRESS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is frustrated because he is away from family and friends, and as a man, he is unable to provide for you. This goes straight to a man's ego as men's role in society is to be providers, and he can't do what he did in his country here. That is very depressing and frustrating as he tries and tries and things are not working the way he tought it would.
It's hard to adjust to another country. Imagine if you move away from everything that you know to go somewhere where your education and qualifications are not worth 10 cents and you cannot get your old job back and are stuck with menial jobs. He has pride and also ego, please, understand that this is not easy for him.
reassure him that you love him and help him in his transition. Nagging and acussing him of being lazy is not going to help, as he already thinks of himself as a leash that is living off of you.
Good luck
2006-08-23 10:54:55 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sophie, I'm sorry things are tough for the both of you ,I know it must be a hard adjustment. One thing I'd like to share with you. You are being to needy. Men don't like to be smothered, and when this happens the tend to pull back, it's not that he doesn't love you . From your statement you wrote, He is dealing with trying to find work so he can feel good about himself ,because he is he man and it's his job to provide for his family,so it can be over whelming for him, be patient and understanding . when he is ready he will let you know. marriage takes allot of understanding each other , but you are new at this and I wish you both the best life has to offer the both of you. good luck.
2006-08-23 11:16:18 · answer #7 · answered by RAINBOW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like u both lack communication. You obviously were very open before seeing as u met online and fell in love. Maybe u need to lighten up a little and let him find his feet. Being right all the time wont win u any battles, it doesnt hurt to back down.
2006-08-23 11:13:29 · answer #8 · answered by nicole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it appears to me and i hope for your sake i'm wrong that he used you to come to the United States.good luck and walk away fast if you leave him before 2 yrs of marriage he will be out of status in th USA and illegal let him use someone else.
2006-08-23 12:59:26 · answer #9 · answered by sara 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋