I know her for 10 years, we practically grew up together. We could have honest discussions on what we hate about each other and end up laughing, we share similar tastes in many areas, I know her like nobody does. Or knew. I know I'm probably not being fair, but this changed when he met her current boyfriend. She changed. We barely see each other anymore (and when we do, she tells me she misses him), I sometimes call her, but she never calls me. This is her first serious relationship, and she probably finds everything she needs in this guy. I can't stop thinking that I never actually knew her, because no one changes this suddenly. I feel like we were friends only because she needed support, and now she doesn't anymore. Is this where it ends?
2006-08-23 03:45:03 · 21 answers · asked by isobel 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
If it is her first serious relationship then she probably has tunnel vision. He is all she can see. Give her time, and when the novelty wears off from a new relationship she will probably renew her friendship with you. If it doesn't happen then it's time to move on. If she is willing to give up a long standing friendship with you over a guy then maybe it wasn't worth it to begin with.
2006-08-23 03:57:42 · answer #1 · answered by jeanne 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right, this could be the end. For many women I have known, they neglect everyone in their life when they get a new man. I would suggest that you begin to move on with your own life in the sense that you start looking for things to do and people to hang out with other than this woman. I am not saying that you do anything dramatic, like having a big confrontational discussion where you lay out some sort of ultimatum for her. I am merely suggesting that you withdraw from trying to keep in contact. However, I am not suggesting that you change your phone number or start bad-mouthing her in public to your common friends. Maybe she will realize the error of her ways and try to rebuild a friendship with you down the line when the honeymoon period with her boyfriend ends. She may never reach this point, which is why I say that you should remain available to her but don't put your life on hold waiting for her.
2006-08-23 10:51:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well. this is one of those dilemas. As a marriage counselor, I have seen many instances in which people "CHANGE" overnight. These instance could be due to many factors. 1. controlling boyfriend 2. never having been in love and cant help but imerse herself into a relationship, for fear that she will be alone. 3. It is the begining of a relationship and she still has the "this could be my true love, but I wont know unless I put 110% into this aspect of my life. In the case of number 2 and 3 she will need you to be there when she comes down from the "High" or the relationship breaks. In the case of #1....well she will definatly need you to be there for her when she realizes that she is in a relationship which is not healthy for her. In relationships like that it starts at the begining... she will gradually stop seeing you when you do she her she will be secretive and quiet. These relationships never end well...So to answer your question never give up on a friendship just because you feel left out. Stand up for your friendship and be patient you never know when she will need you.
2006-08-23 10:55:41 · answer #3 · answered by gina r 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she may be less dependant upon you now, but that is no reason to end the friendship. Like you say, you can have honest discussions with her so why cant you explain to her what you have just said? She has someone new in her life and has slightly changed her priorities but you can still be a part of her life. It would be a shame to end such a good friendship over a guy, arrange more days out together so she has to share her time between both friends and her partner equally.
2006-08-23 10:50:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand and know how you feel. When girls find a boyfriend that's right for them they develop a relationship. They still care for their friends but they're just too attracted or love their boyfriends a lot. I'd give it some time and I would try to keep hold of this friendship. You two sound like you're the best est of friends and it would be a shame to let a good friend go because of an interrupted relationship.
2006-08-23 10:50:49 · answer #5 · answered by aznangel5492 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No sweetie... Chances are that she still needs/ wants you as a friend, but when you start growing up, you dont need to talk to your friends every day, you dont need so much from them as you once did. Your relationship is just maturing. I have a friend whom I've been friends with for 14 years. She and I are BEST friends to this day... One time she let a guy tell her how to live her life and she stopped talking to me, the relationship didnt last and I was there for her when it ended. Just because she doesnt NEED you as much, doesnt mean she doesnt want your friendship. She is just maturing. Dont stop being friends with her, but talk to her about calling you more often, tell her you NEED this in your life, and you enjoy it. Me and my friend often complain about not having time for eachother anymore because we are both so busy, but we still try VERY hard to make time. You two should do the same. Good luck
2006-08-23 10:50:41 · answer #6 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Dont kid yourself. You do know her. You are friends. No matter how old you are, when a girl hooks up with a guy, friends and family fall by the wayside. Do not take this personally. You will do the same thing too one day. She will slowly come back around. Have you told her you miss your friendship? But, when she comes back around, talk about how you felt left out and
how you need to stay connected in the future when things arise-and they will, for both of you!
2006-08-23 10:50:00 · answer #7 · answered by educated guess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This question raised in ur mind because now u r in such a condition that ..... which u r calling friendship that is not friendship now it becomes a love.... so forget u r not fair or something..... just go ahead and propose her.... she might be accept you.... u know friend if u both are together for last 10 years...it means she also have some feelings about u.. and i know she will accept u.... dont worry just go ahead..... gyanguru
2006-08-23 10:54:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the natural progression is to eventually meet a partner... its quite normal when a friend meets a guy they want to spend time with them... they are getting to know them after all..... it doesnt mean that she doesnt want to be with or see you ...but just that at this time she has someone giving her some love and attention, and affection... come on who would want to say no to that... be understanding ..she will have to go through the same thing with you if you met someone ... be happy for her.. im sure when she has got to know this guy more and gone through the usual honeymoon period ...she will show you that she thanks you for giving her some space while she finds out about this guy.....ive had a friend for 42 yrs and a few relationships have passed ... and were still the best of friends even tho we dont see each other very much ...we talk on here ..and on the phone...
2006-08-23 10:54:14 · answer #9 · answered by she wolf. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It´s normal that you miss her and feel dissapointed because she is not near of you as before, but if there´s a good friendship for 10 years as you said, find the time for talking and express to her how you feel, try to set quality time with her and remember the communication is the key. Good luck!
2006-08-23 10:55:10 · answer #10 · answered by longo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋