Married for 16 years, seeing husbands best friend?

Question

I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ATTACTED TO THE OTHER MAN, WE HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR 15 YEARS. TWO YEARS AGO HE MADE IT CLEAR HE WAS INTERESTED IN ME. HE GOT DIVORCED. ASKED ME AGAIN I TOLD HIM I HAD TO DO THE RIGHT THING BY MY HUSBAND AND KIDS. WE KEEP IN TOUCH TEXTING AND EMAILING, WHILE HE WAS HAVING A NEW RELATIONSHIP WHICH HE IS STILL IN. OUT OF THE BLUE I MET HIM AND HAVE MET HIM A FEW TIMES SINCE, WE HAVE NOT HAD SEX BUT WE BOTH WANT TO. I AM SO CONFUSED I WANT THIS MAN SO MUCH HE IS ON MY MIND 24 7. I DONT WANT TO HURT ANYONE AND WE BOTH FEEL GUILTY. THIS HAS MADE ME LOOK INSIDE MYSELF AS I THOUGHT I WAS NOT CAPABLE OF THIS DECEPTION. I AM CONSTANLY ON THE VERGE OF TEARS JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO, I DONT KNOW IF I STILL LOVE MY HUSBAND BUT HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN SO GOOD TO ME AND THE KIDS, I KNOW I LOVE THE OTHER MAN, PLEASE HELP.

Answer 1

Do you realise what the consequences of your actions would be if you went with your husbands best friend? How would you be able to live with that? Stay married and try to get over the feelings you have for the friend - you only feel them because he is a twinge of excitement - Oh please don't have an affair - your pains would be so much worse if you do. The ache you feel for the friend is just that and you will only know your mistake when you have already done untold damage, don't take that chance. Look at your husband and ask yourself how on earth you could hurt such a wonderful man, a man that you know so deeply.

I wish you well and ask you again, not to have an affair and try to get over his friend.

Answer 2

I feel sorry for you, the husband and the kids. It's a hard road and some people just don't and won't understand. If I were you, I would try to stay away from the other man for a while. If you've been amrried for sixteen years, you're probably bored right now and it seems exciting. I wouldn't want to throw everything away especially if your husband is good to you and the kids. The grass is not always greener on the other side. I don't agree with the best friend thing either. I just think that's taboo for you and the friend. If you stay away from him, maybe you will be able to concentrate on your husband and maybe you can love him again. It will probably be hard to stay away at first but it's something you need to do! Your family will resent you for this one! I hope you can figure this one out and only you can do it! Just don't sleep with him b/c it will really confuse things! What if he forgets you after that? You will feel SO bad. Just look at the overall picture, not at what looks good for now! There's ALOT riding on your decision. Oh, you don't have to come clean with your husband, b/c you haven't really done anything wrong yet... you haven't slept with him... you've just had inpure thoughts... we've all done that at some point especially when you've been married for a long time! Some other person posted the mid-life crisis issue, that could be it too! Good Luck and just think about what you're doing before you do it!

Answer 3

put it this way if texting and emailing another man was acceptable then it would b all out in the open. You are married and a mother. It wouldnt b fair to persue this, besides u think u love him cos of the attention u are getting from him and not ur husband. U are being diceitful and selfish. The grass is always greener on the other side....until u get there and realise what u have lost! And hes hardly ur husb best friend, hes being a jerk! How can u look in ur kids eyes and be happy knowing what u are doing! U should cut all ties with him!!!

Answer 4

My dear,u have a conscience that speaks to u.U cannot love the other Man and at the same time love your Man.Be very careful on your relationship with the other man.I know its easy to say don't do it,but had to resist the temptation.U think of not hurting the man,what about the Husband you are Married to and your kinds?Pls think twice and don't let the other destroy your life and relationship.If u are a Christian pls pray about it and seek help.I love the way you came up and explain yourself..though many in the World are facing the same.I hope you will be able to resist that temptation.If possible talk to the other man-that u appreciate his friendship but not in that way---I mean sex and getting u off from your married MAN and Kinds.I sincere wish u the best!!!

Answer 5

This is probably a phase. Whether its a phase or not...if you indulge in this, you will be doing wrong and will regret it for the rest of your life. It's hard to not want that excitement and newness of someone else, but think about your invested time with your wonderful husband, and what you would be teaching your children (most people get caught eventually). You could throw away what seems like a pretty good life for something that will probably not be nearly as good as what you are anticipating.

If you just don't think you love your husband anymore, and want to stray, GIVE HIM A DIVORCE! An honest, good man deserves that much. You have no right to play with his life. Everybody gets one shot on this earth as far as we know...don't screw his up any more than you have to. It wouldn't be right.

If you think this is just a phase...let it pass quietly. Quit calling this guy...quit all contact all together. Otherwise, you'll be making the pass more difficult than it needs to be.

Going on a romantic getaway with just you and your husband is a great idea (as mentioned above). Even if it's just to a local fancy hotel for a few nights. Get that feeling back for your husband. Make it clear to him that you need that.

Answer 6

You will destroy your family. Most of the time when people make the kind of bad decision you are about to make they later regretit, and find out "the grass is NOT greener on the otherside", after the chase is over.

Your husband will not only lose his wife and have his family destroyed he will also lose his best friend, the person he is suppose to be albe to turn when you are not around.

Then you will beg for your husband to take you back. What a terrible example to set for your kids. I feel so bad for your husband, I could cry for him without even knowing him. The two people that he turns too, depends on and confides in are doing this to him behind his back. I hope he is a strong man, some people would commit suicide after this type deception.


I will pray for you and your family and this other man that God leads you all in the right direction and gives you a change of heart. Please cut all ties from this other man, please.

Answer 7

I have walked down this road. if you love your husband, dont do it. it will forever change your relationship with your friend and the way you feel about your husband.
If you are not happy in your marriage, then maybe you should consider it. But fooling around that close to home can create ALOT of problems for everyone. You would be better off going out of town and picking someone up if its just sex you want.
My sister recently was caught having an affair with a good friend of the family. they live in a small town. Everyone found out about it. her husband cant get over it. She feels ostracized! it is a bad situation.
When I was married I had lovers. I did it more for the sex. it was usually good! But then i didnt really care for my husband so it was easier to live with myself. I am currently in a relationship that is very satisfying sexually so I dont really think about fooling around too much.
If there is a way to spice up your sex life with your husband, that may be the way to go. If you are in a solid relationship and you have kids,dont blow it for sex. Love lasts, sex passes. Or maybe you could get your husband to include your friend in the bedroom. Many couples try things like that and have a great marriage. Good luck with your choice!

Answer 8

We will always have feeling for other people even when we are commited. Do you at times feel you made a mistake to meet your husband first and not his friend? Well, everything happens for a reason. There is a saying that makes me stronger whenever i am distracted by my feeling and it reads: "Better to be with the devil you know than with the angel you dont know" Nature's ways are repetitives, therefore predictable.You may think you would be much happier with the other man, Hello, he just got a devorce. Dont jump out of the frying pan into the fire itself. But at the and of the day, you make the decision. Goodluck.

Answer 9

If this other man is with someone at the moment, and he was with someone else before, then how do you know that he's going to stick by your side?!!!
Wasn't your own husband the one that stuck by you for all these years?
Don't go with the other man. If you don't love your husband, sort that out FIRST. Then decide what to do next. It's not fair on him, if you do otherwise.

Also, read a book called: Playing Away
by Adele Parks.
It will answer your question.

Answer 10

WHORE!
As you said two years ago, you need to do right by your husband & children. Just because you've "looked inside yourself" does not mean that you need to abandon your marriage. If you don't like what you saw, then it's time to make repairs, not a break from your commitment.
If what you are doing makes you feel guilty (as you say it does), then obviously, it's the wrong thing to do!!!! You need to stop this adulterous behavior right now! Obviously, 'the other man' hasn't allowed your affair to keep him from seeking a permanant relationship of his own! How does that news hit you? Right between the breasts, I hope. He is seeking others, while teasing you. Nice guy, I'd say (tongue in cheek).
Start working on honestly talking to your husband. Tell him of the things you are describing as "deception." Cooperatively develop a plan to make changes in your existing relationship. And dump the lying bastard you're considering leaving your marriage home for!