How Can We Help Her?

Question

My mother in law has a gambling problem. She is constantly going to the casino. Yes she wins at times but this month alone she has lost nearly $2000! We have all talked to her about it and explained things that could happen if she didnt quit and she says that she understands and wont do it anymore.Then she turns right around and does it behind every bodies back. I wouldnt be so concered if her husband hadnt told me and my fiance that if it didnt stop he was going to leave. Oh and she also goes to gamblers annoymous meetings but those arent helping either. Any thoughts on helping her beat this addiction??

He does give her an allowance every week and i go every where with her but no matter what she finds a way to go lose money!!!

Answer 1

It sounds as if your mother and my mother are the same...however all my life I recall my mother having this addiction. No matter how much she loses, no matter how much she wins which continues to this day.

The fact is this, until your mother either hit's rock bottom and loses everything, or until your mother wants help- it's not going to happen. And you'll wear yourself down trying to help her until then.

I used to give my mother money all the time, pay her bills and mine, and I learned...it was only giving her more fuel. There are times when my mothers bills go unpaid because she gambles but the fact remains. That's her problem, not mine, and I no longer feel sorry or guilty when she calls and tells me she's behind, or doesn't have something etc.

So I encourage you, know that this isn't your problem. And it's not your job to make the ends meet for your mother because of her making bad decisions. Just let her be until she decides she wants help.

Trust me, people with gambling addictions are just as sneaky and addicted as people that are addicted to drugs!

It's not your job to fix your mothers relationships either.

*hugs* I know it's hard to see your mother making bad choices, but...it's her life, and the consequences as well are hers, not yours.

Blessings To You & Yours

Answer 2

Ask her if it is okay if you took over her finances. If she knows this is a problem then you should have no real problem convincing her that she can no longer be incharge of her own money for her futures sake. Tell her you will pay her expenses and give her a monthly allowances so she can still gamble a little with out blowing her bank account. IF needs be let her move in with her and get more involved in her life so she doesn't have that "need" to gamble because she is being preoccupied. It might be a bit of a pain for you but in the long run it will be better for everyone.

Answer 3

I use to work at a casino. I don't anymore because I couldn't stand seeing and being a part of the scenario you described above. I do know that a person can bar themselves from casinos. It happens more often then you might think. I dealt with several addicts who were needing to stop. If your mother in law admits to all of you that she has a problem then maybe you can all get together , talk with her and make a trip to the casinos in your area. When you get there ak to talk with someone in security. Tell them that she wants to bar herself and they will help you. They will take her picture and alert her account to read that she is barred. She still may be able to get on the casino floor but if she were to win, be recognized or use her account card that I'm certain she has, she will be arrested. She will have signed a paper stating that she understands this when she bars herself. Good luck to you and your family. I hope she finds peace and help.

Answer 4

I don't know where u live, but here in Detroit, we have casinos. And when a person feels that they are addicted, then usually they have a list of names of players, who should nott enter the casino because they are addicted. At that time, security will ask to see their id, and check to see if their name is on the llist. If it is on the list, they will tell them that they are not allowed in the building. Hope this helps and Good Luck!

Answer 5

This is more serious then it seems. Check out a support group or something. My father in law had this problem. It lead him to end his own life. I guess there are different stages gamblers go through. I would research this all I could if I was you. You are just being a good daughter in law!

Answer 6

You could try having an intervention, like all addictions. You must treat this as an addiction, and then try to seek medical help. This is a serious problem that will come back if you try and suppress it only. It will be like treating a symptom, but not curing the disease.

Answer 7

have her husband control all the money- its the only option. So that she gets a spending allowance. When she spends it all thats it. No more. So if she gambles away the 20 or 40 bucks then she gets no more till next week.

Answer 8

Tell her that she is going to loose every thing she loves. You can try gilt but I don't know if that is going to work. it is like just like the saying " you can lead a horse to water but you can make him drink" So she will only quit when she wants to quit.. Search the Internet for alternate places in you area.. try talking to a doctor, or a tharipist...

Answer 9

Unfortunately when someone has an addiction there really isn't much you can do. They have to want to quit. Doesn't sound like she has gotten to that point yet.

Answer 10

Leave her alone...it's not illegal. It's her money. Best of all it's your mother IN LAW....not really your place to fix this.