I have been with my partner for 4 years and we have a 3 year old son. My partner is controlling, selfish, cold hearted and thinks everything i do is wrong. Im sick of it all i have asked him to get couselling but he won't. so think i want to leave. i know i can provide a better life for my son and i if i do so. But i just cant seem to do it. I get so scared and sick when i think about it. even though i know i can go stay with my mother. i have suffered from anxciety in the past. and i know there will many people i will disappoint by leaving. Any advice. I don't think i can live like this for the rest of my life.
2006-08-23 02:46:09 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've been in a very similar situation for the past 3 years myself. The difference being that I married the loser and we have a 2 year old and a newborn. Recently he decided that after months of trying to make things work, he was just going to give up. I finally had it one night when he went to a party that I wasn't invited to and decided to get drunk and not call for 12 hours or come home at all. For me, that was the last straw, we've been breaking up for the last 2 years now and I couldn't stand it anymore. There are 2 very important things I have to tell you. 1) As my best friend's mother put it to me "You have to keep making this decision, and you have to keep making it until you're done making it." and 2) Anyone who would be disappointed in you for leaving an unhappy relationship doesn't care about you to begin with, so his/her opinion shouldn't matter. Now, find a place to go, pack your stuff, and leave. It WILL NOT be easy. You may be financially strained, but there are agencies out there that will help you, I've been through all of that. It's hard at first, but in the long run, it will be easier than staying and dealing with this for the rest of your life. If you need someone to talk to, or some advice on how to get things done, feel free to contact me.
2006-08-24 16:46:59 · answer #1 · answered by faeglenn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have given good reasons to leave. You have stated that he is controlling, selfish, cold hearted and thinks everything you do is wrong. My advice to you is to make sure you are employed, and have selected a place to relocate, and a school for your son to attend as he grows older.
Make the move, do not announce it to him, just pick up and leave when he is not at home. You have alternatives, such as staying with your mom, but, it is best that you find your own place and ask your mom to baby sit while you are working. Move on, don't stay stuck with someone who is putting you down because they are insecure and stuck in a situation that they have caused on their own.
Move on, and you've quoted that (you know many people will be dissapointed by you leaving)..Tough cookies! you are suffering not them! Why are you worrying about what other people would think..who cares what they think! Are they providing for you and your son? Are they paying your monthly expenses, offering you a place to stay? humm, I think not!
People are quick to judge, when they are on the outside looking in!! Follow your gut instinct, and get the heck out of that bad situation, motivate yourself to do better and set that example for your son, he is young enough to absorb what you are going through, put his needs first..he needs a healthy, loving enviornment and so do you!
So heres what you do, Plan where you are going to relocate to, get a small uhaul truck , and hit the road jack...you know the rest....
2006-08-23 12:19:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the thought of leaving has crossed your mind...then definately leave. You need to look at your son and deep inside of you...and make the RIGHT choice your both of you. Other people might be disappointed with you leaving, but they're not living the "hell" that you are. You need to think of your son and provide a good home for him. Close your eyes...and picture your son. What do you feel? Love....love all around you and peace......right? That love you have for your son...is the strength that you need to leave. Your son and your love for him will give you the strength and determination to make the right choice and walk away.
GOD LUCK!
I have been there. I know that you're going through. I left my ex-husband over 11 years ago and am glad that I did. I have been able to provide so much more for my children by myself than I would have been able to with him at my side.
Family and friends are a great source of support. Don't be afraid to ask for help. We all need it at one point or another.
GOD BLESS YOU!
2006-08-23 12:06:29 · answer #3 · answered by Rae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mental well being is most important. How you are living now is not healthy at all for your son either. Just make a plan as to what you are going to do and then stick to it. Don't worry about what other people think. They will get over it or they were never your friend to begin with. What about you being dissapointed by your partner. That matters and you are the one living with it. Make a plan and stick to it.
2006-08-23 09:50:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing easy about leaving. And so it should be. But, if you are certain you want to end the relationship, just do it. There is no easy way. Once the bag is packed and your foot goes over the threshold on your way out, the rest follows in a natural flow, even if that flow is turbulent.
Good luck
2006-08-23 09:53:02 · answer #5 · answered by slimsmom@sbcglobal.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have tried calmly and cooly to discuss the matter with your partner and all have been in vain, I guess it's like talking to a wall.
To start anew, remember that you have a little one to consider and you will need to be strong for him. Strong to answer his questions when he is older, strong not to blame him when things get tough and they will, somewhere , somehow....MOst importantly, strong enough to know that THIS is what's best and STICK to your decision. It can be stormy weather but the sun will shine through.Things can't be bad ALL the time, unless you let them control you. Good luck and smile, you are taking a positive step. Be proud of yourself.
2006-08-23 10:05:31 · answer #6 · answered by icol918 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay for a weekend at your mothers... just don't think of it as leaving your partner, think of it as a mini vacation.... because that's what it is.... a mini vacation for you to get yourself together. Just leave your bags there when you're ready to return home. Do that maybe once a month if you can... until you're comfortable enough to "go on vacation" and stay gone... good luck
2006-08-23 09:55:37 · answer #7 · answered by rachael 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just go to counseling by ur-self. Let ur husband be that way. You need to think about you. Just go, you will feel so much better. Then you can figure out what to do. This will give you strength you need to live the kind of live that you want and deserve. God bless you!
2006-08-23 10:02:44 · answer #8 · answered by LeeLynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well then it sounds like u know what to do.. move on and worry about u and ur son.. being in a emotionally abusive relationship is only gonna cause more harm then good for u and ur lil boy.. get out why u can before it becomes physical...
2006-08-23 09:50:48 · answer #9 · answered by Queen D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just need to look inside yourself, gather yourself together and do what you know you need to do. There are days when it will be very hard but you know you are doing the right thing for your son and yourself. Good luck.
2006-08-23 09:48:46 · answer #10 · answered by lavenderroseford 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋