I filed for divorce at the beginning of this month, something I should have done a long time ago. Never again do I want to be with this horrible individual. I am simply waiting now on the final hearing date to be set. Through myspace.com I found a male college friend who I have not seen in 10 years. I found him AFTER I had already decided to file for divorce. He has nothing to do with my reasons for ending my marraige. We had been close back in college but never intimate. We have talked on the phone several times and communicated by email a bunch. We seem to have reconnected and there is a potential for a great relationship in the future. Obviously, I am not in a position to settle down nor do I want to settle down right now. But I want to know if legally this means I am cheating. We haven't even seen each other in person yet but I have a strong feeling that if we did there would be some "chemistry" there. Give me some advice on what you think about my situation. Thanks.
2006-08-23 02:41:32 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
N0w my mother would say it is cheating. She told me to NOT speak to another man until the papers were legal.
I didn't listen to my mother. I felt that the marriage was over a few years before the seperation and divorce. Out of respect of my family I dated and didn't tell anyone. Everything we do doesn't have to be public knowledge.
I too connected with a man who had been in my life when I was 14 then when I was 18. He helped me stay sane at the end of the marriage. I eventually moved back to the east coast, it was magically romantic and wonderful. But, we had both aged a great deal and without anger I told him I needed to be on the west coast. I will always cherish our time together. He was good for me those first two years after a divorce.
I would say it is fine to date and bring someone in your life, but until the papers are final.......do it without anyone knowing.
It isn't lying.....it is more like don't ask don't tell sort of thing.
If your X finds out he might make things tough on you.
So I am giving you a yes and a no answer.
Good luck oh and btw the old bf might be wonderful, but don';t make changes too quickly. Make sure you aren't on the rebound.
I wish you the best in your new chapter in life.
2006-08-23 02:51:25 · answer #1 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you answered your own question. For a year or more there is an adjustment period which, for most, is hard and stressful but in time, it gets easier until finally you are at the point where you can look at the whole picture with objectivity. You are enjoying many aspects of being apart. You want time alone and have found a healthy way of seeing your situation. It's understandable that you miss him, the friendship. Can you maintain an amicable relationship, especially where the children are concerned? If so, why impose any new layers that can cause confusion and send the wrong message to your ex: giving false hope is unkind. Couples counseling is certainly an option if you truly feel you'd like to remarry this man but if all you want is that friendship back then, again, it would send the wrong message to him. In my experience when arguements degrade to physical agression that person (or both) will not easily or quickly change. The time for them to figure out how to deal with that aggression and change it is not within a relationship, but outside it. Only after time apart will either of you be able to determine if any changes made are positive, and permanent.
2016-03-17 01:22:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not cheating as you are getting divorced. Even if you are separated and found someone else, you still are not cheating. However, if there was ever a chance of getting back together, that might be hindered if you were seeing someone else but it sounds like there isn't a chance with you and your husband.
However, I would give yourself a little time to heal before jumping into another relationship. Good or bad you still were married and need time to heal. But once you are feeling confident, go for it and good luck!
2006-08-23 02:45:14 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes by the courts standards this is still considered cheating.. wait to do all stuff with others until your divorce is final. If they find out that you are communicating with some one else they will say in court that is the reason that you are getting a divorce that you are messing around with some one else. and you know how easy it is for people to bring up old e-mails. be careful.. you can speak to the person as a friend as i am sure that your married partner talks to people of the opposite sex sometimes. but don't meet or be seen with this person in public because divorces can be very nasty and you don't want anything going against you..
I am sure that you friend can wait a few more months to get back with you . if he can't he isn't worth having either. becareful how you communicate with him and good luck..
2006-08-23 02:56:36 · answer #4 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Simple yes in the courts eyes it is cheating because you are still married in the courts eyes. But in the rest of socioty no it isn't. If the relationship is over, and paper work has been submitted to the courts, then i see nothing wrong with it.
I been through the same thing, 2 year trying to get divorced, i am almost their, and i am in love with a united states soldier for almost 2 years now.
Just be careful if their are children involved, that can get sticky,trust me.
Good Luck to you.
2006-08-23 02:53:49 · answer #5 · answered by Army Love 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with having a friend. The boundries are crossed when you are intimate with another person. You should end your current marriage and be divorced before you start somthing new as far as intimacy. Spend time alone to reflect on what you could have done in your marriage to improve it. You don't need a relationship right now. A friendship it fine. Good luck.
2006-08-23 03:06:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that strongly and you think there is potential then it will hold... I wouldn't do anything that might jeopardize your chances of getting a clean and hassle-free divorce. Don't give your ex-husband anything to throw against you. I don't think it is cheating if in your mind and heart your marriage is over... but like I said be cautious and if it is real then it will still be there once all the dust settles from your current situation.
2006-08-23 02:46:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It actually depends on what state you are in.I live in Ct. and when I got a divorce,my lawyer said that if my ex had pictures of me with a man that it wouldn't even matter because my state is a "no fault state."But having someone there for you really helps.Divorce is a miserable thing-no matter how amicable it is.My ex husband and I have been legally divorced for a little over 3 yrs.I just married the man that I fell in love with 2 months after I filed.Good luck!
2006-08-23 06:08:43 · answer #8 · answered by jayne s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say, leave things the way they are until you are actually divorced. Otherwise your estranged husband could try to bring it up in court.
I don't think you are "cheating" yet, but tread lightly because there is a thin line.
Also, how long have you been separated?
2006-08-23 02:52:09 · answer #9 · answered by ushouldnoidontplay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you haven't slept with the guy right? Being friends with a man is not cheating and whatever you do from now on is up to you. You have left your husband so you are allowed to be happy and move on with your life.
2006-08-23 03:00:36 · answer #10 · answered by auzzimama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋