What should you do if you fall in love with someone and you are married?

Question

I have been with my husband for 14 years married for 7. We have been through it all goods and bads. I never thought in my wildest dreams I would ever cheat on him. But things haven't been right with us for a while now, I honestly feel like we are brother and sister instead of husband and wife. He is so set in his way and I guess I always just went with his way. My eyes have been opened by a friend of mines, he treats me like a queen(didn't know that was possible anymore) I am torn between the two and really don't know what to do. I always looked out for my husbands feeling but now I think I need to be happy. I do love my husband dearly but not in that way anymore. Should I try to work on my husband or should I go where my love is.

Answer 1

you're at a point that most of us women get in when we've been with our husbands for sooooooooo long. the romance is dead. you feel unappreciated. you're so tired of giving. you give to the husband, the kids, the job, the family, the friends and we forget to give to ourselves. so then someone comes along and makes us feel like we did when we first met our husband.don't make any decisions based on the feelings you have for this man. you already said that things haven't been right with you and your husband for a while now. that always make us vulnerable to develop feelings for other people. ask yourself this, if you had not met this person, would you be thinking of leaving your husband? were you thinking about leaving him before you met this guy? if the answer to this is yes, then maybe it is over. if the answer to this is no (which i suspect it is), then you owe it to yourself and your husband to try to fix your marriage. you guys have to sit down and talk HONESTLY with each other. you have to figure out where things went wrong. you have to figure out if you still love each other and if you're ready willing and able to do what it take to keep your marrige going. there is no easy answer to your dilemma, you just have to be honest with yourself about what is is you really want.

remember, the grass is always green in the beginning, but if you don't take care of it (water it, nourish it, remove the weeds) it will eventually die.

i speak from experience. feel free to contact me if you want to talk further. good luck.

Answer 2

You have been with your husband for 14 years.. Of course things are not going to be as they were when you two were first dating. All married couples go through that (la la land faze) then after a few years of commitment, fun, and arguments, you snapp out of it.
There will always be people, whether male or female, that we will find attractive whether physically or emotionally. It happens, it just depends on how far you allow the attraction to go. Right now, it seems like you are in lust with this other person. I mean, it takes a long time to figure out if a person is right for you or not. It doesn't happend over night.

Yes, he will woo you, he's a new face, and he is not your husband, so of course he is going to have you all in awe, this happends with married people in general! But, it is up to you, if you want to end your marriage for some new guy that is turning you on, then you need to let your husband know. Don't cheat on him, let him no the deal. you love him, but not in love with him..

Think about this new guy, how long do you predict this excitment you have will last? Will he out last the time you have spent with your husband, if he knows you are married, what does that say about him as a person!

Listen up! If he decides to cheat with you, he will definetly cheat on you!

Just make sure you are doing it because you want to be happy, and are not in love with your husband anymore. But just be truthful..get it over with and start living the life that you want with this new guy...the ball is in your court!

Answer 3

If you loved your husband once then I would examine myself to see what has changed. Yes it is flattering to have someone to treat us special but that is usually only last for a brief time. If you loved your husband once fight for what is good don't quit just because things have gotten less romantic. Tell your husband you feel like you are in a brother and sister relationship instead of a marriage. Be honest with yourself and your husband and then if it does not work move on. DON'T CHEAT!!! That is dishonest and not of noble character.

Answer 4

I'm in a very similar situation right now. I cheated (something I swore I would never do), he found out, and I am COMPLETELY torn. But my husband & I are going to try counselling without any promises. I am so confused that I'm not sure how hard I am going to try to work things out. The most important thing is to be completely honest with yourself. But it seems to me that you'll end up with more regrets if you give up without even trying ... even if you do eventually split. And if your other guy cares at all, he'll give you what you need.

Answer 5

If you truly feel that there is no hope for your marriage then you need to end it.. but be cautious about getting into another relationship so soon... so often when we are in one relationship that isn't perfect and someone comes along and starts showing us what we are missing we tend to focus a lot of attention and read a lot into the relationship. I advise taking it slow and easy. Deal with one relationship at a time. But you really can't start an honest relationship with someone else until you deal with your current situation. Take it from somone who tried and it blew up in my face and cost me dearly. Get out of your marriage, take some time for you and then see what is out there.. if this person is for real then he will still be there once the dust settles. Good luck!!

Answer 6

I was in the exact same position except I had only been married for a month before I realized I couldn't live my life w/out actual "love". I wouldn't have opened my eyes if it weren't for my current husband who treated me like the queen no one ever had. It felt amazing, and I forced myself not to care about anyone's feelings but my own. And even tho it was selfish, I'm so glad I did. I couldn't be happier.

Answer 7

You are the only one that knows how you feel. If you are not in love with your husband it is not fair to him to stay with him. Step back and look at the whole picture. Do you really have feelings for this new guy or are you just lustful for him because this is a new relationship? Whatever you do don't make a descison based on emotions. Emotions change.

Answer 8

It sounds to me like you still love your husband but are bored and want some real attention. Instead of cheating and causing some real problems for yourself and devastating the husband I bet you still love, work on your relationship with him. Go to counseling so both of you can learn how to tackle problems in the marriage before they get out of hand.
Good luck

Answer 9

I cannot answer whats in your mind or heart, but I can ask you this..

Does your friend know your married, I am sure he does, and knowing so, do you knot think he would/will do the same thing again if you went to him?

Dont sell yourself so cheap. Unless your relationship is abusive, dont throw it away for sex. Find ways to bring back the romance in your marrage.


GL


Been there, almost done it too..

Answer 10

You owe it to your husband to give him a chance. You shouldn't have put yourself in a position to be "treated like a queen" while you were still married. (this is not a judgement, just a warning) they all treat us like queens for a while. So give your King a chance to remember you are his queen. IF it doesn't work, then get a divorce, then find your prince charming.