How do I deal with the problems that have been causing me to feel small?

Question

Hi, I'm an average girl, except that I always feel small...

I have friends when I am in previous schools. However, in my current school, I can't seem to find people of the same age that I can connect with. Yes, I'm friends with some, who seem like acquaintances, hi and bye thing. Lonely in school as such. Being alone is good at times; you do things faster. Yet without company to ask and be included (I'm full of curiousity and love to listen), I feel locked up. It has been affecting my grades as for a time I could not follow on lessons.

I lack confidence, but there has been some issues bugging me. The way I dress, my looks. The looks of people seems to say that my uniform seems oversized and my backpack is shoddy... I know I can't change much about my looks, but I have very little clue on how I can dress better and appropriately, or to shop for such stuff. I'm always afraid that I might choose something laughable.

I wish I can lose the fat off my tummy, yet if I do not eat I will surely suffer mood swings. I wish that I can sleep less to have more time to play and study, yet I cannot do this.

Please give advice as to how I can find my way to deal with these instead of running away?

By the way, I don't thinkg I can turn to friends for fashion advice...I'm bigger in size and their style is that of young tweens, no offence to them...I'd prefer something of elegance yet it doesn't seem right for my size...

Thanks for all the wonderful and helpful replies!

sexonsight: My friends are of the same age as me...and as for family I get along well with a female cousin of the same age, though she does not like to shop. Our backgrounds are quite similar that our mothers do not encourage us to emphasize much on dressing well. Even for this prom night, I had to spend within a budget that is impossible to get something that looks good for me. I like the idea of making new friends every week, maybe it will help motivate me to initiate or take up opportunities to know more people.

Answer 1

Sounds kind of normal...
Even all the kids that look really confident are insecure inside. Just be yourself, smile at people, find some kind-looking people and maybe ask for some help with something. You know, like homework or something. Most people are happy to help if you ask them.
You sound like a really nice person, so just relax and let people get to know you.
Good luck! I'm sure you'll be fine.

Answer 2

Wow... okay girl, help is here!

First of all, I just want to say that all my life I've been feeling small. Always. How I look, how I feel, my actions, everything. I'm only just getting over it now...

Now, about dressing elegantly, I understand. I dress feminine/elegant/modest, so I'll tell you what to do inspite of that tummy of yours (though it would probably be a good idea to get motivated to lose it). I suggest that you really check if your uniform is the good size. If you can, go in a shop and ask some of the sales people. And I'm not sure about the uniform colors, but if you have dark colors, emphasize on those. It'll help you look slimmer and elegant. Also pants may be a better idea. Nice fitted pants of a dark color that elongate your look will certainly not be laughable!

Moreover about your tummy, the most important part, EAT. Do NOT starve yourself!! It will only make you want to eat more and then you could possibly start being bullimic and you really don't want that... so, eat, but proper proportions. Not too big, not small. Not too many things like cheese, meat, eggs or anything like that. Drink a lot of water and eat good. Maybe even find a website when it comes to nutrition. And maybe you could start up swimming or bicycling? Either of those two are sure to tone up your body. Do exercise every day-- or five days per week at least-- even it's just some well-paced walking.

About your lack of confidence, stop worrying at how you are. Realize that others may be just as worried about themselves as you are. In other words, you're not alone. You're not the only one who feels like a klutz! Trust me. You have to start trusting in yourself and what you; that yourself isn't all bad and wrong. There seems to be nothing you should be ashamed about yourself, far from it, so start showing a little pride. People are probably jealous of YOU. Why? Because you seem so intelligent! You've got a good head on your shoulders and you need to show THAT off, not how overweight or shy you may be and which you can change anyways I'm sure.

Last thing: the good thing is, you've looked and realized these issues of yours pretty good. The bad thing is, you mentioned running away! When it comes to issues, learn not to run away. If you're willing to change, you have to confront. It may seem impossible, but just do it. Really. Free yourself and go for it. I have a very important quote that I repeat to myself nearly everyday: "Learn to act, not react."

Hope this helped and my very best wishes to you. =)

Answer 3

Being in a new school is tough. It just started though...so don't give up. I know it's much harder to do than say, but you should be comfortable being you. Dress how you like to dress and don't worry about kids who don't like it. If that's what defines you in their mind, then they have some issues. Kids are mean. Just stay strong and remember that you will soon be out of school, and only have a few memories of these bad times. As you get older and experience more of life, you will find out what matters most. I lack confidence too, and it's very hard. Trust me, I know what you're going through. Just put your best face forward each day, and wear what you feel good in. Don't worry, you sound like a good person and I am sure you will run into some good friends along the way...just give it some time. In the mean-time though, try to talk to people you feel might make good friends. Don't isolate yourself--and Dont EVER run away. That won't help. Good luck, you're beautiful. Remember that, okay?

Answer 4

First question: How far are your old friends from? How close are the relationship between you and your your family?
Second thing: You said the way you dress. Is it that you do not have good dresses or you do not know how to make use of what you have? Anyhow, for this go to your guidance counselor and have him/her discuss with you the way you should dress. Also talk with someone who knows about dressing like a popular girl in school.

How about making new friend? try and make some new friend each week.

Find a good christian person to be your friend for example an older person who has much experience and advise to give.


You May ask another and I will try to answer as much as I can

Answer 5

maybe joining groups like at the YWCA or church group of young people would make you feel like you have friends you can talk with. Remember that you can count your friends (good ones you can depend on) on one hand (less than 5, usually 1 or 2). Each time you move on it takes time to make new friends. And, sometimes you can't bring your old friends with you to the new place. Always remember that "you" are your best friend, and once you realize this you will never be alone. If you still feel alone then pray and have a connection with Jesus, talk to him, ask him for assistance.

Lacking confidence could be something else. It could mean you don't feel good enough, and therefore you need some accomplishments behind you so that you can feel good about yourself. Figure out what you like to do that you could be proud of yourself when you've completed the task. This will build your confidence for yourself as well as for when you are in a group.

It's ok about your uniform and backpack. School isn't any fashion statement making place. So don't let that bother you.
It seems you are letting others determine how you should feel. Do you realize that being happy and satisfied with yourself comes from inside you, about what makes "you" happy and satisfied? Other people should not dictate what makes "you" happy. Maybe you have yet to investigate and find out what makes "you" happy.

For sure you need a plan. You need to sleep well (quietly and relaxed) for about 8 hours a night. You need to eat well choosing good food, vegetables, fruit, some meat, and if you need, then even vitamins. Your body will get into shape if you walk a lot. Walking is good for you...go with a buddy, your parents, relatives, or join the YWCA and walk in their gym for safety. Remember that games like soccre, baseball, badminton or tennis, and things like swimming are very good for you and will put you in shape. You don't have to do these every day, just occasionally. You can fit them into your schedule. You might want to make a list of the things you'd like to do. Then figure out what time is available in your schedule to fit them in. Maybe somebody could take you there from the start and later you can meet people there (make sure they are good intentioned people and won't lead you into something wrong). Always be sure you are "always" with someone who can watch out for you (and you for them).

Answer 6

wow it sounds like you are going threw rough times i think you should start going to the gym i go everytime i wanna realease stress and you lose wieght as well and you feel alot better maybe at school you should join some activitys like maybe sports or art or music ect something you like and you'll meet people with the same interest and maybe instead of having a bookbag u can buy one of those bags that u wear to the side there alot more feminem and your cloth if u feel there to big wear them a size smaller and try keeping ur head up and have confidence u will have alot more friends like that i know school is rough i was there not to long ago im 18 but trust me ull get threw it and trust me be more sociable and less closed and you will see u will end up making the best of friends

Answer 7

You don't have to quit eating to lose weight. I'm 5'11" and have weighed 165 since high school (10 years ago) and eat a 4000 calorie a day diet because I exercise. Have to do that to keep in shape. And join some sort of club, talk to your counselor at school for a list, depending on your interests. You can't expect to find friends if you keep yourself bottled up. Get clothing that's your size, easy as that. Just go out and grab life by the horns, you only get one chance at it, might as well not screw it up.

Answer 8

Ok take a deep breath and then let it out slowly. Now you need to figure out what you want. Do you want elegant or do you want to fit in? Now if your bigger you don't have to be. Get out and join a team. Softball, dance whatever. Get active, eat well, I mean not fast food and stuff out of a bag. Not to say you can't eat that stuff but eat it moderately. Fast food once a week, one serving of high fat snack a day. Try choosing fruit instead. And then look around, look at the people you want to look like. Study what they wear, how they act what they do. And then do it. That is the way we become who we want to be, by looking at those who represent who we want to be and then copying it.

Answer 9

take a deep breath let out all your feeling again do something that you like to do that is calm you sound much like me to tell u the truth