Is love really better than lust?

Question

Everytime I meet someone from my hubby's past they tell me about some past g/f and how ugly and slutty she was. I asked him if if he thought they were ugly and he said no. He said he was always looking for love not lust. I felt like he was saying that a person lusts after someone they find sexy but that they can love an ugly person. It sort of sounded to me like he was saying that I wasn't any prettier than the others (which obviously hurt my feelings)


I just was looking for an opinion that might help me to feel less like scum. Since everyone who knew him before me seems to think that all his g/fs were ugly then I wonder what they think of me. How can I stop worrying about what others think about me..... especially the feeling of thinking that my hubby doesn't find me attractive? Do you know any good books on lowering one's expectations or raising one's self esteem? Thanks all

Answer 1

If this pic. is of you then you are not ugly! Beauty comes from within and shines through personalities and helps with the physically fetures of a persons face and if they are attractive or not to another person. Actually it is our body sent that attracts us to our partners and has nothing to do with physical attraction in appearances, the attraction is within the sent. but as I read your questions and answers I think you are a very beautiful person inside and out! My opinion however is not really what you're seeking here. It sounds to me like your self esteem is low and that you may be analizing what your husband and his friends say a bit too much, talk is cheap and free! When have men ever been good with words anyway. These past friends of his are also trying to make you feel good and they want you to like them so of course they will cut down any of your husbands past g/f's. You have to build your own self esteem if we relied on others to build it really where would we be as individuals? It helps and is nice but you boost self esteem it comes from being creative, by helping others like self rewarding tasks, by feeling good from the inside out, taking pride in our hobbies, by cooking a great tasting meal, by going for a walk just to experience the outside world and nature around us and by taking that all in, by being greatful, ect...

But yes if you type in self esteem on your search there are so many web sites you'll find! Try also womens groups and daily insprations these also help me when I am low.... I think your husband and his friends didn't mean anything by what he and they have said I think you may have taken things personal and by far you are the greatest of them all b/c he married you! You are the prettiest, the lustiest and the love of his life and all of the above and then some in his eyes. The past is in the past and thats where things should be left who cares about the past the future is what we have to look forward to and work on always b/c even the future become past.

Answer 2

Comparing love to lust is sort of like comparing a healthy, nutritious diet to a candy bar and a line of cocaine.

Lust is the candy bar and line of cocaine. It feels intense, is quite enjoyable, and brings you to a state of mind that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Soooo sweet. You feel on top of the world, like everything is okay, and you know you are too invincible for anything to ever go wrong again. Until the party's over and you wake up to reality the next morning. Lust is okay if you keep it in check and have other things going on. However, too much lust without love will lead to an emotional roller coaster, severe depression, and if it continues for a long time, serious physical health problems as well.

Love is the healthy diet. It's not always the most instantly gratifying (particularly when you have to endure gross unpleasant things for someone you love), but it lasts. It's like a constant backdrop that's always there, and it helps keep you going. It doesn't come in sudden bursts of overwhelming pleasure; it's more like a steady stream. It is not easily formed, and not easily broken. And love and lust can both happen at the same time.

By the way, tell your husband that whenever you ask a question like that (with the same look on your face), he just shouldn't answer you. He needs to realize that there is no right answer when a woman asks a question like that (but PLENTY of wrong answers).

Answer 3

Love is way better than lust, hands down. In fact, I think, you fall into lust and than it grows into love the more you get to know the person. So love is actually a step above lust.

By-the-way, a person can be ugly and actually be sexually attractive. It is way more than just looks. Looks are so shallow everyone should work on looking below that.

Answer 4

whoa stop at the 1st paragraph. you have NO say over his past. he did what he did and it's done. he was trying to say the right thing because he's freaking a little about you even asking about his past girls, and you took what he said and completely ran away with it. by the time you were done what he said was some sort of backwards slam against you. just chill out and give him reason to enjoy being with you. the fastest way to a mans erection( his heart ) is through his stomach. Female confidence is VERY attractive to dudes.
i hope you can find some self-esteem. good luck and cut him a break!

Answer 5

You should never lower your expectations because of insecurities. You should only lower your expectations because you are trying to compromise on a problem like money, food, things that you can see and touch. You can't see or touch your insecurities. Men literally cannot help but notice a pretty woman with a beautiful body walking down the street. Hell, I do it too! lmao But, what matters most is who he comes home to and desires at the end of the day. He should help with your insecurities by reminding you how beautiful you are, why he fell in love with you, and you should do the same to him. It doesn't matter what others think of you, it's what YOU THINK OF YOU. Try reading Self Matters by Dr. Phil McGraw.

Answer 6

Don't lower your expectations or your self esteem over a passing remark! They ( your husband's friends ) most probably meant that you were attractive and that his exes were ugly ......be positive! Your husband loves you for who you are internal & external both. Looking for love is far, far better than lust. 'cos lust moves on but love stays forever!
Lust fades love endures............... Don't let other people's ignorant comments fool you into insecurities that never existed! Keep smiling!!!

Answer 7

you should never feel like scum. your husband loves you thats enough dont worry what others think of you its what your husand thinks that counts .it sounds a bit like these people from your husbands past are a bit jealous smile sweetly then ignore them. speaking as a male looks are what first attract and play a big part in it but if you dont get on it dosnt work and never lower your expectations

Answer 8

Yes, most definite, love comes from the heart and is a feeling that last for a life time,lust is something, that comes and goes.

Answer 9

Do not pay attention what he say,you are so beautiful.Be yourself always, and do not let that nobody put you down.some men never realize that when they speak, always hurt somebody.Some men have no idea what they are talking about.When you love somebody,and have relationship (love and sex),you express yourself exactly how you are,how You feel without inhibitions or tabus.Forget about what he think,be happy,you are a beautiful person.

Answer 10

Lust is only a moment of desire, love is an eternal feeling of true passion !