How do I stop living with Arthur Ritis?

Question

My doctor says I will be living with Arthur Ritis for the rest of my life. I would like to get rid of him right now! He is so abusive to me. I'm so tired of him hurting me all the time. I never loved him in the first place. When I sleep with him, he keeps me awake half the night with his throbbing. I tried calling the domestic abuse hotline, but the girl over the phone kept laughing at me. Then, after several return calls she kept hanging up on me. I don't understand why they won't help me. What should I do?

Answer 1

See you do have this much going for you...you can still laugh and Arthur Ritis is not always an easy mate, I know. I am what is called a Pseudo-Achondroplasiatic Dwarf. The longer I live the more Arthur Ritis kicks my asss EVERY day and EVERY night!

My doctors have literally destroyed my stomach with a lady we shall call "Anti Inflamatory". She can move in on top of Athur Ritis and while you may think she is helping the problem, she is only there for a 3-some! "Anti Inflamatory" is bad in her own way too. She starts by doing her worst to your stomach, your kidneys or your liver (honey they don't call it a "Liver" for nothing) and when Liver is hurt and starts to suffer from the evil doings of old "Anti Inflamatory" because of Arthur Ritis. These two often travel in pairs, and you may find that what Arthur Ritis doesn't do to make you feel miserable then Anti Inflamatory will take over to work on your internal organs. Not to be mistaken for a pipe organ but not at all unlike a REAL "Organ Grinder".

At first even any Comfort Medications they offer are often mixed with "Anti Inflamatory" so if your doctor puts you on a steady diet of Anti Inflamatory and she begins to eat away at your stomach, kidneys and Liver. You may find that you are forced to move Anti Inflamatory out of your life! This is rather sad because at first when she came in for her 3 some with you and Arthur Ritis she seemed to be so good and so helpful, after she begins to cause other problems with vital organs though she can be evil in her own right! Arthur Ritis is in now often worst of all in my spine, I have had some slight relief from things like Lidocaine Patches. When all else fails you should also try taking Arthur Ritis to the Aqua Therapy facility because water exercises are low impact and often do not increase the pain, but still allow you and Arthur Ritis to keep things moving. You have no idea how important it is for you to try to keep Arthur Ritis and yourself up and moving even if Anti Inflamatory is out of the picture! Guess what Arthur Ritis is also a cowboy type at times and can use his "spurs" in your joints to make things hurt a lot worse! Sometimes the only way to extricate Arthur Ritis' spurs from places where he has carelessly placed them is to go and have his spurs surgically removed!

I am trying to laugh with you sugar, I am not as old as my picture may appear, I feel like I am older than my picture looks some days! I am best friend with a microwave heat thing because Arthur Ritis made his spurs welcome in a slight injury in my Cervical Spine and besides having to have 3 vertebra fused at that level Arthur Ritis' spurs had to be removed from this area they had grown near the damaged area and had grown around to compress Major Spinal Cord when the doctor says surgery or wake up one morning crippled from Arthur Itis and never be able to move your limbs below that area, then you tend to run towards whatever will help Major Spinal Cord! and his problems!

One spinal fusion coming right up and Arthur Itis had become so involved that I lost two Compact-ed Discs because of his involvement in my neck! Oh but he could not leave my neck alone, (must be sweet as sugar to him) because now he's sunk his spurs in again and they are now closing off a good friend called "Neural Forimina" when she is being affected by Arthur Ritis and his spurs even if you have said, "NEVERMORE" for another surgery, you will find that Neural Forimina can cause you some horrible miserable pain. You will find yourself ready to do anything to make Neural Forimina free of Arthur Ritis and his evil spurs!

As much fun as this has been I just can't keep up the joke. Right now I would like to kick Arthur Ritis (where the sun don't shine), but I know now that he will be my constant companion as long as I live, and if tears could cure him, sugar baby, I would cry us both a river! The only help I have found since Anti Inflamatory turned against me, and (now I have stomach and liver and kidney troubles to go along with Arthur Ritis)...has been sweet Mother Morphine and little critter I call Valium to help ease the tenseness in the muscles around Arthur Itis' favorite hang outs! Now if you can afford the therapy and regular massages, hot tub and whirl pool treatments you can hope to keep your dependence on sweet Mother Morphine to a minimum, she comes with her own set of problems and I know right now there are about 40 people who want to call me an idiot or a drug addict and say I am a useless waste of a person, but they have never lived with Arthur Ritis or Anti Inflamatory for years and years and years. They have never know the pain Arthur Ritis can throw down on you when he is really misbehaving. I know way too much about it. I would say that more than 70 per cent of the time the only thing that stops Arthur Ritis from being such a ba$tard is Nar Cotics. I take 2 tablets of Mother Morphine per day I used the MS Morphine Sulfate Sustained Release and when Arthur starts hammering at me inbetween time for sweet Mother Morphine doses, I have tablets which are callled MS IR, which means they work fast, and short term but they work. By the way I am in my upper 40s now and I take Nar Cotics EVERY day of my life! It was not my choice, but my husband and family would have been a lot more unhappy if I had chosen Mr. Hand Gun to try to help myself out of Arthur Ritis' misery!

What can I say? Try to keep your sense of humor, do not let the doctors screw up your stomach, liver and kidneys do not compound your problems or ask Mr. Hand Gun for help (that kind of thing is no solution!) some people find relief from the use of Mari Juana, she is not a legal option in most states, but they do have a medical synthetic for it now, it's called Marinol, they use it for people who experience nausea (and Anti Inflamatory will help you acquire THAT after awhile as well as possible bleeding in your stomach) and pain. Keep fighting it as long as you can, and keep trying every day. I am not wrapping myself in pity today, and I hope you won't choose that for your way of dealing with the evil Arthur Ritis either. I heard a fellow therapist who was not familiar with Arthur Ritis say you cannot hurt in more than one place at the time, THIS IS A LIE. I told him so too. Let's put it this way if I could reach his nose and give him a good shot in the nose and a hoof in his privates, he would realize that YES YOU CAN EXPERIENCE PAIN IN MORE THAN ONE PLACE AT A TIME! People who MUST live with Arthur Ritis know that he is a formidable enemy and he can be in several places at one time, so I suppose he's even what you might call a "tragic magic" kind of associate, HE for sure ain't your friend!

Let me warn you about another devil called Corti Sone and other steroidal type drugs, they come with their own set of very nasty side effect, if you want to lower your immune system, you will become familiar with Corti Sone and Predni Sone or other steroids. These drugs can also alter your personality and your over all health picture, when your immune system has been weakened then a virus or Influ Enza can be more difficult for you to recover from.

I am not going to try to shove Faith down your throat or my own beliefs that seem to make me feel a little better, but consider that too, if it helps you. Sometimes it helps me. Yes I know Arthur Ritis I had hoped to be finished/free of/divorced with him by now, but no such luck! He is there waiting for me every day, he will not simply leave EVER! So learning what works best to help you live with him is the only choice you may have. Doctors can give you medications that will seem to help, but each comes with it's own curse.

What else can I say? I am really feeling bad today, but if something I have said to you can help you cope with Arthur Ritis, then that's something I did that was good today.

Hell's bells...I am going to say it (even if you don't want to hear it or it may offend you) God help us. Mrs. Kerry suggests gin soaked white raisins, which we all know can bring on it's own set of problems and if you are involved with Anti Inflamatory sometimes booze only helps her make your poor liver more vulnerable!

No, I don't feel YOUR pain, but I do feel my own and I will tell you right now, sometimes the ONLY help is Nar Cotics. Now I know I am going to get a lot of thumbs down ratings and people are going to tell you other things, Arthur Itis and I have been together for too long for me to ignore him! So I just strive to keep him in his place with the only things I can still use to do it! Any place where you may have been injured in the past, will be a new and exciting area for Arthur Itis to become involved, so wherever it once hurt it will hurt once again and with a vengence. Yes, fight the good fight by all means, but when you find that all else fails do not feel badly about having your doctor prescribe something that does not burn holes in your stomach, eat up your kidneys or liver and just keep doing the best you can do. Our acquaintance Arthur Ritis is a real sumbitch, and he may never give up, so you have to fight back with whatever helps. Good luck, the next time I cry I will cry some for you too. It won't help, but it's about all I can offer you. Keep working and moving as long as you can, once you sit down and let Arthur Ritis take conntrol, He wins, so don't make it an easy fight for him, sure I walk funny (limping and gimping sometimes) but I am still up and trying. Keep your spirit strong!

Answer 2

You should seek medication right away!! Some times "Arthur Ritis" isn't exactly who you think he is and any good bone-n-joint doc can give you medication that will make him disappear. Also I hear that cherries make the pain go away, so maybe you'll still have Arthur Ritis, but you won't feel his pain!

Answer 3

Take Arthur Ritis to somewhere the sun shines everyday and it is warm. Force him to bathe in the warm sea. He retreats from these things.

Keep him away from the cold and damp that he like so much.

Try your best to ignore him as best you can and prevent him from controlling your life.

You cannot kill this nasty little man but you can lessen his ability to hurt and control you.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I'm afraid he's above the law and impossible to evict. However a 1/5th of Jim Beam can make him a more agreeable companion for a while.

Answer 5

I hate that guy. He attacked my hands and my back, so to get back at him I take a good medicine and I keep moving. He thinks he can get the best of me if I sit down or don't move for a while, but I've got his number. If you keep moving, he has no power.

Answer 6

Call Bush

Answer 7

you have to INSIST Arthur moves out! He is ruining you, man!!! Give him the boot.

Answer 8

tell arthur to move out.