My wife and I have been married for 5 years and have a son who is nearly 3 and we now have a 7 week old daughter. My wife also has a 16 year old daughter from a previous partner. Our problem is that my step-daughter is now in a relationship with my 22 year old brother. Whilst there is no blood relationship we feel that it is inapproriate. I imagine trying to explain to my son and daughter why their uncle is going out with their sister. Any advice??
2006-08-23 00:58:56 · 44 answers · asked by johnny28 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
No you're not being unreasonable and it must be rather embarrassing for your wife and yourself. Family code should have told your brother not to go there but obviously he doesn't live by a code. The only thing you can do, which will stop any falling out between you all is hope that the relationship peters out.
You've no doubt spoken to your brother and your wife has spoken with your step-daughter regarding how it looks and they don't give a damn. Well there isn't very much you can do really. A three year old only notices what is pointed out and will hear what you say even though you don't think he is listening, so be careful what you discuss in front of him.
You can ban them from the house - but that will only push them more together. Try to let it go because the more you go on about it to them the more they will be determined to stay together.
I'm sorry I can't be of more help to you. It's a difficult situation.
2006-08-23 01:13:52 · answer #1 · answered by Curious39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly by the time your children are old enought to know the relationship will have probably broken up (after all your wifes daughter is only 16) and been long gone forgotten, but if it hasn't and they do get married and are still married when your kids are older, just tell them that they fell in love full stop. After all as you say there is no blood connection and these things do happen. Love is a very strange emotion. You never know when or where it will hit.
2006-08-23 01:07:40 · answer #2 · answered by London Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see why you and your wife is upset about this, but can you really expect your step-daughter and brother to just turn off their feelings if in fact they are real? But..........then again, what would a 22 yr old see in a 16 yr old because to me when I was 22 years old, I barely acknowledged anyone under 21 let alone date them due to their overall immaturity as a teenager and the inability to do much in the way of partying, etc.
2006-08-23 01:05:46 · answer #3 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
.......not at all!!! your brother should soooooooooo know better!!! that's well out of order
.....how does he see it? I mean has he any insight into the fact that he has (i assume) known your step daughter since she was 11 and the implications of this????
Does he value your relationship with him and if so then he will stop the madness and discontinue the inappropriate relationship....
...I know the age of consent and all, but hey an 8 year age gap (irrespective of the fact that he is your brother) at that age is huge!!!! would it be OK if the gender roles were reversed or even if it was a same sex relationship? erm I think not - your step daughter should be allowed to develop and grow with her peers - Maybe you should be thinking about protecting your other children as well.......he sounds a bit dodgy..... hope you get is sorted, sounds like a really difficult one....
2006-08-23 01:16:45 · answer #4 · answered by keriandjelly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had an issue similar to this with my nephew and a younger girl. What we suggested was that if they were really in love then there would be no harm in waiting to start a relationship. Use the old butterfly adage and speak to both of them. Your brother is an adult and should behave as such. If they are really in love, they can wait. Tell them it is a way they can prove their true love. And that if their love is real and strong enough it will last until she is 18. If they are willing to do that I would be willing to bet they each decide to move on and not wait for the other. Your step daughter will opt to date someone her own age and so will your brother. If they are still in love on her 18th birthday, let them be happy. Just remember if you try to force them out of the relationship, they will sneak. Leave it up to them to decide.
2006-08-23 01:08:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I fully appreciate your predicament, it's certainly difficult. However, this is the problem with extended families. I think you and your wife are within your rights to disapprove, but your brother and step-daughter are equally within their rights to continue with this relationship. I'm afraid there's no easy answer to this one.
Might i suggest just ignoring what's going on? The chances of this relationship lasting are very slim; she's only 16 after all. I think the more negative attention she gets for being in this relationship, the longer she will stay in it just to rebel. Let her find her own way, and be there to pick up the pieces when it all goes horribly wrong.
Good luck x
2006-08-23 01:04:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You get in the middle of that and try to meddle and you will either push them closer together, or cause a rif between the 4 of you. Your son is 3,daughter is 7wks old, don't think they are worried about it. Your kids will accept it if you do and don't make such a big deal about it. There is NO blood relation so it isn't sick or whatever, and they ain't the first ones to hook up I'm sure. Your kids aren't old enough to start asking questions, so your worrieng for nothing right now.......
2006-08-23 01:06:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tricky... but maybe you should try and back off a little. they are both very young and the more you tell them they shouldn't be together the more they will want to be .
If you give them a hard time now , whatever happens in the future will make relationships difficult all round. If they split up they will probably blame you or be worried you'll give them a hard time. If they stay together you could end up with a rift in the family that could put your own relationship at risk.
It's not easy , they have to make and learn from their own mistakes. your job is to be there for them if it goes pear shaped.
2006-08-23 04:21:41 · answer #8 · answered by ragdoll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you try and split them up it will only make them stronger. similar thing happened in my family. It didnt last long they are now both married to different people. Most relationships that 16 year olds have will not last the distance, let them get on with it. Make it known that you are not happy with the situation but you are willing to let it slide providing they are not flashing their relationship in front of you and the rest of the family, they'll soon get bored of it and move on. If it does last the distance well then their is nothing you can do about that. who are you to stand in the way of true love? It will be awkward granted but not impossible to deal with. Good luck hope everything turns out ok for you xx
2006-08-23 01:32:23 · answer #9 · answered by nuttybird 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you and your wife need to sit down with your step-daughter and your brother and discuss this situation.You are right to raise concerns about this as this could cause confusion within the family..The only other problem is the more you tell them not to be together the more determined they will become to be together. What you and your wife need to do is remind them that this could cause huge problems later on and that their is the other more younger members of the family that might not understand.......Good luck.
2006-08-23 01:08:56 · answer #10 · answered by sarah y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋