I spoke to my boyfriend last night on the phone and we ended up arguing. I am really sad actuall as he has been really sweet to me for the past 3 weeks. He told me yesterday that he hated his work and I tried to support him in the best way I could. He told me, however, that my support was childish and I got upset about it. He then got angry and he said he was tired and wanted to go to bed. We are meeting on Thursday but I am really sad that we had to argue before meeting? He has sent me text messages each morning for the past week but today he is silent. Why does he get angry when I get upset? Please help, I was in tears last night.
2006-08-22 23:11:13 · 25 answers · asked by violet b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Hun, give him time, he thinks all the world is against him right now ok believe me Ive been there, dont stop showing him that you care, give him so much love, in time he is bound to wake up.
2006-08-22 23:15:17 · answer #1 · answered by spunky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not like the sound of this at all.
He gets angry when you get upset, this does not bode well by any stretch of the imagination.
In good relationships people do not stonewall eachother or give eachother the silent treatment, especially when there is no good reason for it.
What is especially disturbing is that his reaction was so angry and accusatory when all you were doing was offering your support and concern. What he should have said was- "thank you honey i might have this awful job, but i'm so lucky to have you and your love and understanding and that's what's more important, but I need some sleep now, i'll see you soon"
This anger, I would consider to be an enormous red flag. He's being emotionally manipulative and this kind of pushing and pulling behaviour, the sweet caring side suddenly ended with a crushing temper tantrum I would see as the hallmark of somebody narcissistic and possibly emotionally disturbed.
Whatever you do, never ever let his tantrums allow him to get what he wants. Emotionally mature and healthy people do not ever use outbursts of anger and temper tantrums to get attention (which is what he wants by the sound of it). They sit down when they have problems and discuss it and communicate positively.
if he behaves this way in future, tell him that you think it best that you do not talk until he is able to sit down and do it reasonably in an adult fashion without losing his temper like a little toddler. You can't discuss anything with somebody who approaches conflict in this manner and you can not solve any problem with somebody who is behaving like this.
Do not even try to talk if he's like this, because all you are doing is proving to him that emotionally manipulative outbursts work and get him what he wants. This kind of thing is not acceptable, in a good relationship- it doesn't happen.
This will only serve to show him that you are to be walked all over and when that begins..it's a downward spiral.
be careful and take care dear
S
x
2006-08-23 06:38:56 · answer #2 · answered by lady_sephie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he had a bad day and needed to vent, And whatever was said, you tried to offer him some support and if he has made you cry by his response then that would have added to his stress levels. He shouldnt have cut you off like that but it sounds like you are better off talking face to face. I would be more concerned about why you are so worried though, does he have some power over you? Well he will if you let him, you should be stronger than that and if you are not happy with the way he spoke to you, tell him and get it sorted. Dont be a doormat for anyone! Take Care
2006-08-23 06:30:55 · answer #3 · answered by kookiboo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is only a guess but it sounds like your boyfriend is in a very difficult situation right now and is lashing out at any convenient target. Remember the saying "we always hurt the ones we love". Let him know that you support him and give him some space to deal with his feelings. He will either come around and apologize, or he will be an absolute punk and you would be better off without the dude. It's harsh to hear, but it's the truth. It is necessary to be supportive, but don't let that support be abused. Love should be given and returned. Just give him a little space and see what happens.
2006-08-23 06:17:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the stress about his job is getting him down, don't get upset i know it is easy to say, but give him space, he will realise that you only tried to help, but in anger he took it another way. Sometimes when we have problems you wish you could find the answers straight away, sometimes you talk to people and think you could find some answers, and sometimes if that doesn't work you get upset, but it has to come within you, if he has not text you this morning, you text him ' hope u r ok thinking of you' let him know that you are there, sometimes when men see us upset it does make them angry cause they don't know how to deal with the situation. I too did this last night cried myself to sleep, but did he comfort me no he didn't, he just said i want to go home because he was tired. But my problem is nothing compared to yours mine is alot more serious. To tell you the truth i say to myself no matter how much you love them, no matter how much they upset you, it is easier for them to walk away from the situation and not to deal with it. But sometimes to make your heart content, you will do the right thing, at least later you can turn round and say 'i tried'. Wish you luck, be strong, wipe your tears cause sooner or later you will realise it was not worth it.
2006-08-23 06:27:16 · answer #5 · answered by Ruksana P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, ive been in that situation many times with my boyfriend. at first i cant understand why he'll go silent and really dont speak when he got upset. i wanted him to explain if i was the one who realy upset him or he just needs time to think things over.
i advise you give him time to cool down whatever it is. in time he'll talk to you when he's ready.you'll be surprised how much there is for him to talk about when he already regained his composure. dont persistently call his attention until you think he's ready.and when you meet, dont nag or ask "why are you like that" and ask and ask. just be quiet, i mean, give him the floor to speak.respond.with a kind heart girl. with a kind and tolerant heart
2006-08-23 06:16:28 · answer #6 · answered by snoopy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look love, when we blokes are tired and unhappy we get irratable and believe me, the LAST thing we want to deal with is our girlfriends crying down the phone to us. He's stressed, like you said, he hates his job, just give him time and forgive him for snapping. He'll get over it eventually, different people take different amounts of time.
2006-08-23 08:33:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hope your tears have stopped now. Dont worry i am sure he isnt really angry with you, maybe with himself for making you cry. My husband and i argue all the time and usually one of us walks out.
People all react in different ways.
Hope your meeting goes well.Take care.
2006-08-23 06:18:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's got a lot on his mind.....you should probably realsie that his whole life doesn't revolve around you (and nor should it). Just text him and say you're sorry that you argued but were just trying to help. If he doesn't realise that and say sorry back then he sounds like a bit of an idiot!
2006-08-23 06:15:54 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if hes angry cos he hates his job he should do summat bout it , n find another job ! as for gettin mad at u when ur upset,tell him to b a man n get a better job .
treat em mean n keep em keen ! tell him ur fed up of his childish ways n wanna get a next man !then watch him change !
2006-08-23 08:29:02 · answer #10 · answered by sweetlipsy69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋