when is it time to play tough love with a child/adult.?

Question

i live with a guy, i am in love with, his 27 yr old son lives here. he is treating his father like crap. told him last night he wont eat any of his food use anything of his because at 3am that morning dad asked him to turn off the puter that is in his,son, room.his dad has to get up for work at 440am. the boy does not work or do anything like take trash to corner, how can i help his dad cope with this delima besides buying the boy everything he has asked for. the son was in charge of all finances before me. and is mad cause it is my responsibility now i have had to play catch up on all the bills, there was a 661$ gas bill that had to be dealt with. and the son told the dad that the bills were paid. friday he told his dad to buy him a gun so he could shoot him self in the head to be put out of his misery and not be dads problem anymore i know it was just to get his dads attention.last night his dad fixed his plate of food and took it to his son,like he was 5 years old.

Answer 1

Now is the time for tough love. Either he has a mental disorder (many of them give people the I never do anything wrong attitude) or he has no drive in life and is just plain lazy and spoiled rotten. It is time for him to move out. Does he work? Sit down and write a contract, as though he is a renter. Let him know, the house/apartment belongs to the two of you, he will abide by the rules or will not live there. We had this sitation with my SD. She no longer lives here. Was not able to follow rules. Disprespect comes in many different ways. Not paying bills and not caring the consequences for his dad and keeping him up late at night both are very disrespectful. Fixing his plate of food? Seriously does the boy have a mental problem? IF he threatens about shooting himself again, take him to netcare or call the people and have him admitted to the emergency room so they can do a mental evaluation. My SD had a mental disorder. She would throw tantrums, lose jobs, never have money, felt we owed her everything. Even when she had a child, didn't feel that she had to wash bottles. She was home all day but didn't have time. It will only get worse if he doesn't do something soon. This boy has absolutely no respect for his dad. Why does his dad feel he has to do this, why does he buy him everything? Does he feel guilty about something? If he doesn't eat the food, tell him, fine..go out and get fast food. What his dad needs to understand, he is not helping his son survive in life. If his dad passed away tomorrow, his son is definitely set up for failure. Ever hear "God helps those who help themselves". Well this boy is doing nothing to help himself except make sure Daddy takes care of him. I seriously would boot his butt out the door. Disprespect deserves the same back. And let him know, the next time he threatens to shoot himself or harm himself in any way, he will be transported to a psychiatric ward for evaluation because it is not normal to want to harm yourself.

Answer 2

Several things are wrong with this father/son relationship, but something is at the root of the problem - where is your partner's wife or the mother of this child? dead? could be the cause of the problem. however, you have to be very careful because if you meddle too much or suddenly try to effect changes in the way the father relates with his son, you may be seen as an enemy.
firstly, gently talk with your man to find out why he is so slack-handed with the boy; ask him if he likes the way the boy treats him and if he really would like some help. locate a group therapy where all three of you could go to, and lastly try to make friends with the boy and influence him to change. another good advice, talk to God about the whole problem, and ask Him to give you the wisdom you need. He is always there for you!

Answer 3

you need to know, when to say 'yes' or when to say 'no'. Since the person is doing nothing, he should try to get a descent job to live with you or at least try. Now you're in charge of finance, you need to know all the earnings and soundings and pay any debts that the family has/had. So you make you financial budget accordingly. Did you ask him why the gas bill was unpaid and where did that money go? If this is your house, you should be the boss. Don't let other mistreat you. You don't deserve this.

Answer 4

hi Ma, deeply shifting examine yet on 2 or greater continents it breathes. i'm no longer able to in any respect have toddlers yet get the solid inflections. that's all approximately my bodies rejections i've got little experience while understand-how is mandatory. i haven't basic a 'greater true' love than the single i'm in, like a hand in a glove. to respond to the direct question, and purely my opinion maybe, complicated love impacts greater the deliverer than it ought to the recipient. I so elect to re-examine this, take excitement in it, sense angst by way of it, shed tears over it, no no longer relatively ever comprehend all of what it portrays, yet in many methods, i'm getting it because it cuts with a dull knife, a minimum of to my center.

Answer 5

Don't buy him a gun - he might use it on you. My sympathies, you're in an unpleasant place. My dad's second wife had to do the same thing to my brother. He was just lounging around the house and not looking after his affairs, so she finally convinced my dad to toss him out. My brother hated her for years after that, but he did shape up, and now appreciates her for what she did.

The crucial thing is that you have your boyfriend's support - otherwise you might as well move out yourself.

Answer 6

did you say the son is 27 years old?? he's hardly a boy at that age...

it sounds to me like the son is completely taking the piss out of his father and you, and that he has been allowed to get away with it for years.

if it were me, i would kick him out of the house, and tell him to sort his life out.

Answer 7

The "kid" is 27, tell him to move out on his own.