My best friend just encountered a situation with her 3 year old son. She has been divorced a little over 2 1/2 years now and she is celebrating her second year anniversary with her boyfriend this week. Her son came up to her boyfriend and called him his “second daddy” yesterday. She called me not knowing what she was supposed to say and I don’t know what she should have said either. Her boyfriend made it very clear that he was not his father but his biological father was his daddy. Her son just continued to say “yeah but you can be my second daddy, right?” as if he was determined. So the boyfriend caved in and said “yes I guess I can be your second daddy but your biological dad is your daddy. (I really hope this makes sense. It even confuses me!) Anyway, my question is…..How do you (as the mother or father) respond to your son about that issue?
2006-08-22 18:48:05 · 17 answers · asked by hmlennon1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he understands who his biological father is, and the boyfriend is comfortable with being called daddy then just encourage the child to say how he feels about calling the boyfriend daddy. If he makes no big deal out of it....then you shouldn't either.
Any man can be a father, but it takes a someone special to be a Dad!
2006-08-23 20:01:52 · answer #1 · answered by sweetsomething2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is right that the boyfriend is not his biological daddy as the son is not born out of the sexual intercourse by the b/f with her mother. His biological daddy was the person who had divorced her about three years ago. The son was right to say that the boyfriend was his second daddy and not first daddy. Here the mother should have made it clear to the child that your biological daddy was Mr ........... who had made her pregnant out of sexual intercourse and as a result he was born. The son should have been told very clearly that b/f was not his real dad as he is not born out of the sex interaction with the the boyfriend.
2006-08-22 19:05:12 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at the age of three...he doesn't know the difference between biological father and "daddy." to him, daddy is the man in his life right now, and that's your boyfriend. he already grasp the fact that he has a father because that was already taught to him. if you are in a serious relationship with your boyfriend, he should feel honored that your son look up to him as a daddy. i don't suggest to get all technical with the concept of "father" at this age. he'll learn about it as he grows up. for right now, just let your son feel special knowing that he has two daddies that loves him.
2006-08-22 21:57:44 · answer #3 · answered by mymymissmai 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not have a "second daddy" my nieces call there step dad "pops" so that they dont feel as if they are disrespecting thier biological dad but giving credit where credit is due, my brother in law is great with them and has raised them since they were toddlers. Allow the child to call him whatever he feels comfortable with, he is still way to young to really understand.
2006-08-22 18:51:46 · answer #4 · answered by cvegas229 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that was a good way. the best thing is to not keep anything from the kid. just tell him the truth all along. that way when he gets older, he will be accoustomed to the fact that he has a biological dad, and not whoever the mother is dating. this saves alot of heartache for the kid when he finds out when he's 13 or 14 that he has a dad somewhere that wwasn;t this guy all along. honesty is the best policy, young kids comprehend things much better than teenagers do.
2006-08-22 18:51:22 · answer #5 · answered by gallow 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your son is very intelligent. He knows he has a real dad and now a second dad.... but he knows he isn't his real dad. If that's the way he sees it, I don't see any harm in it - especially if you think your boyfriend will be in his life for a very long time. As long as your boyfriend is a positive influence, there shouldn't be any problems. I don't know how the real dad will take this though.
2006-08-22 18:52:45 · answer #6 · answered by Private Account 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the best way to handle the child's question is be a child yourself.take ot say it as it is..the simplest words are the best..from what you've written, the child understood exactly that your boyfriend is his second dad, so that means that he knows that he also has a 'first' or biological dad too...dont underestimate kids sometimes they can see things better than adults do :)
2006-08-22 19:03:43 · answer #7 · answered by just me:) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the boyfriend is prepared to honor that kind of commitment to her son, and it sounds like he knows how serious it is, I see no problem with it. The boy obviously wants a father figure in his life and there is no harm, and a great deal of good, in allowing him to form those bonds with his mother's boyfriend.
2006-08-22 18:53:47 · answer #8 · answered by Bethany 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Fact is Fact. Biological father or mother has right to be addressed like REAL.
2006-08-22 18:51:05 · answer #9 · answered by a j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This reminds me of when I was dating my husband my ex dropped off the kid early to meet him and my son came running up to him and went so your my mew daddy my dad told me about. I was like duh and my now husband told him no you only get one dad but we can be mates.. I wa like how sweet... BTW he loves him so much now he thinks of him as his dad but that was a good 6 years back. I think the new guy did great and is great by the sound of it.
2006-08-22 19:12:40 · answer #10 · answered by lol_des 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋