MY 14yr old has a boyfriend?

Question

I had an inclination that this boy was more than a friend. The way my daughter would answer his calls was a sure giveaway. On two occasions when my husband and I have been out of the house we've found this guy in the house on our return, and he stays quite a distance away. Today while settling my daughters room I discovered a book quite by accident where they talk about their love for each other in writing. My child is still young I need help in handling this situation.

I know some of you think I went sneeking but that is not the case. What troubles me is I have had a talk with her regarding her priorities and still this continues. In the book the boy says he'll act as though he hates her in front of the other classmates but he actually really loves her.I can sense some abuse in the relationship too (not physical ). My kid's always been a topper in school now I find her grades going down, there are bouts of headaches, skipping meals etc. She is in the X std and it is a crucial year in her school life. We are in India where the education system is different.And yes I have spoken to her about sex but I am scared really scared as one of my husbands sister went into severe depression 25yrs ago because of an affair like this. She is still under medication and unnmarried.

Answer 1

The first thing you need to do is talk to your daughter. You need to be fair and take her feelings into consideration. You can set boundaries for her and her relationship with this boy, for example they should never be left home alone together or in any private areas where there are no adults. If he is in your home then the door to her room should be left open and so on. She is 14, still a child but crossing into womanhood in just a few short years, she is curious and her hormones are starting to work! and the pressures from society and her friends definitely don't help. Keep and open line of communication and what ever you do DO NOT create a situation where she does not feel she can talk to you! and the best thing you can do is make friends with the boy, get to know him, ask him to dinner and family events.. you need to gain his respect by first respecting HIM... if you treat him as an enemy he will have no respect for you or your rules around your daughter! Having a boyfriend at that age is not abnormal but please don't be one of those naive parents! if the are left alone too much, chances are they will rush into something they are not ready for! good luck!

Answer 2

You know, as an 18 year old teenager, I feel like I'm old enough to know how you feel, but young enough to know how she feels also. So looking at both perspectives, I feel like it is quite normal to have a boyfriend at that age in this generation. Haven't you ever experienced puppy love when you were a teenager? Obviously, this generation is much more fast-paced than 20-30 years ago!

It all depends how serious they are. In the book, were they talking about more than they should? Such as sex? If so, maybe you should give her a talk and some guidance toward a better direction. I understand that she is still young, but at that age, girls are just starting to experience crushes and boys. Maybe instead of wondering what you should do, take action and just go ahead and talk to her. I think a lot of the problems these days with parents are that they don't bother to talk to their kids about their lives, so they don't have much guidance. Also, a boyfriend can mean that she's a girl and he's a boy, and they are each other's crushes. But remember, the most important thing is how close they are and what they are doing. Go TALK to your daughter, and remember not to condescend her. That'll only make her keep things from you!

Answer 3

Well I have a 12 year old and she's got a boyfriend and I told her they could talk on the phone but that's it. They all get crushes and say oooh I love you and write it all over everything...in a couple of months it will be someone else they are in love with. If I were you though I wouldn't leave her at home with him coming around because you never know where that may lead. You might also want to talk to his parents about coming over there when you're not home. They grow up so fast.

Answer 4

Well if the guy is older then her that might be a problem but my best theory is ( if have not ) just tell her the dangers of having a boyfriend if you get what i mean but she is 14 and when i was 14 ( turned 16, 2 weeks ago ) i wanted a girlfriend but i never got one but you think this is a very bad situation then you might need something better if the guy looks like a big threat (gang member or worse)

Answer 5

in basic terms because of the fact you have by no skill had a boyfriend or ever been kissed would not make you unattractive. i'm the same way and im 13 and that i've got by no skill felt like i became into retaining myself returned because of the fact i as quickly as study this quote. And now im gonna tell u this quote lol; ladies are like apples on timber. the suitable ones are on the right of the tree. the boys do no longer % to attain for the good ones because of the fact they're petrified of falling and getting injury. quite, they only get the rotten apples from the floor that are no longer as good, yet trouble-free. So the apples on the right think of a few thing is incorrect with them, whilst in certainty, they're astonishing. they only might desire to anticipate the main remarkable boy to come again alongside, the only that's brave adequate to climb all a thank you to the right of the tree.

Answer 6

Being a parent does not come with a handbook. So in that case you have to use common sense. I don't know if you spoke to her about sex yet, i guess now is a good time as any. This is a very delicate situation,depending on the relationship between you and your daughter,so handle with care.

Answer 7

Whats your question? There should be no boy allowed in the house when you are not at home. As far as the rest of it seems pretty normal, I think we seperate ourselves so much from our childhoods we forget what being fourteen was like. You need to learn to let go a bit as uneasy as it may be and give her some privacy. Let her know your there for her and be supportive and she will open up to you and probably tell you more than any book in her room, and maybe more than you really want to know.
-NmD!

Answer 8

Talk to her about sex. Talk to her about consequences. Do you remember falling in love for the first time? It was something you never wanted to go away. Chances are that if you try to prevent her from seeing this boy, she's gonna see him anyway. Just talk to her about the grown-up side of love. Take her to get birth control. I know this is scary, but a lot worse could happen if you try to deny what might come next. Oh and please tell her about SAFE SEX.

Answer 9

I am wondering why you even looked in her stuff, in a private book. I would HATE it if my mother did that.

I think that as long as you don't think they are doing anything nasty then just leave it alone, what's wrong with having a boyfriend?

But if you think that she is having sex or anything close than I would say that is wrong, and you should confront her. There will probably be yelling and crying, but it's better than her getting pregnant or an STD.

Answer 10

Have you talked to her about sex yet? DO IT! FAST! Give her some positive messages about it, and stress safe sex. Even though she's only fourteen, she still will think about it. It's hard to cope with as a parent, but that's just teens.

Read some books about talking to teens about sex/dating. Or buy her a book or two. A little positive knowledge never hurt anyone. :)