Just wondering...my fiance has a friend who is 50, she is 21. This friend is a guy that use to be her martial arts teacher when she was a little girl. Recently, he let her know that he had feelings for her and this really upset me. She explained that she had me and could never see him as anything more than a father-figure because of his age. I completely trust her, I just think it is a little weird, first of all because of his age and second of all that she continues to hang out with him in "date-like" situations (movie and dinner...etc), plus, he knew about us and our wedding plans before he tried to move in on her. I explained to her that this makes me a little uncomfortable and concerned, but she keeps telling me not to worry. I want her to have her freedom and have fun, and I do not want to control her or nag but I do not think this is appropriate. Am I over reacting or is this a reasonable cause for concern?
2006-08-22 17:56:06 · 16 answers · asked by John W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Of course she is going to tell you not to worry. She doesn't want you checking up on her or asking questions. Why does she need a father figure? She's giving this guy a tryout behind your back pal. He's obviously moving in on you and she's encouraging his improper behavior. He is having a persuasive effect on her, and it's affecting you and your relationship in a negative way. This 50 year old guy is a cad, and your fiance is no better if she would rather spend ANY time with any guy other than you. If you continue your relationship with her, you are a fool.
2006-08-22 18:17:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes its not the situation thats the problem. Some times its the fact that you are planning to marry this person and you have told her this situation upsets you. If you are not being heard now, what makes you think you will be heard when you get married? Ask her if this situation was reversed, how would she feel? Trust your gut on this one. You want someone who respects how you feel because you respect how they feel. Its called consideration and its something greatly needed if a relatioship is going to work. Not to mention marriage!
2006-08-23 01:08:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are a great many issues here: her need for a "father figure", her relationship with her own father, his desire to "go out" with a girl almost young enough to be his granddaughter, her willingness to disregard your feelings about this matter, the fact that she is only 21and already engaged, which speaks volumes about her need for security, which may well relate back to her need for a father figure ... the list goes on and on. In the end though, there is one issue and you already answered it: Do you trust her or do you not? If so you have no problem since this is what she wants to do and it makes her happy to do it. What you think about it doesn't really come into it.
2006-08-23 01:09:35 · answer #3 · answered by Bethany 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She is to young to even really know what she wants. She is
vulnerable to this creep. This sounds very creepy to me. He
could be a real weirdo. I would put my foot down before it's to
late. Cause if she truly loves and respects you....she will end it.
Why is she even seeing him ??? That is very dumb on her part.
Do somethign NOW....don't keep waiting for the shoe to drop.
If she tells u she won't stop seeing him or that he's only a friend,
dump her....straight up!! SHE knows how that man feels about
her. This is totally unacceptable. Most likely, she'll disrespect u.
So, be prepared fo that. And don't look back........get a good girl.
2006-08-23 01:12:17 · answer #4 · answered by CraZyCaT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she is getting some kind of attention from him that she needs but at the same time could be leading him on by spending time with him. Does she have her father in her life? If not that could be a big reason for it. Maybe he makes her feel secure? But that does not make the relationship right especially when she knows how you feel about it.
2006-08-23 01:02:58 · answer #5 · answered by Brandy A 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its a possible cause for concern but you need to trust her. Women do not view things the same as us, she sees it as you not trusting her and nothing more. In many ways she is right but she does need to understand you are not comfy with the current set up here. I would explain you trust her just not him and that it makes you uncomfortable. You also need to work on yourself and the trust issues before you marry this girl. You two need to work out your problems together before you get married otherwise how will you manage once you are together as man and wife. Good luck!
-NmD!
2006-08-23 01:02:42 · answer #6 · answered by NoMaD! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is sick to know a little girl then when she comes of age he tries to get@ her very strange especially being that he was a teacher. For him to step to her knowning your situation is total dis-resepect towards you. Being that he is a marital arts expert then you will have to go upside his head with a brick or a bat . Teach this dood a lesson or he will be in your life until he dies. I bet there is more to her past with him then she is telling you.
2006-08-23 01:03:18 · answer #7 · answered by Imrickjamesbeotch 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. Definitely not. Do something. Talk this over with her. Tell her what you want to happen. Just be reasonable. Explain fully. And tell her you are hurt. Just be honest.
In the end, just be ready for whatever decision she says.
2006-08-23 01:03:10 · answer #8 · answered by huggermugger4ever 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you have reason to feel like that.He is a man and she don't need to be hanging out with him she have you to go places with her.It alright some time for her to go out if you is included.
2006-08-23 01:02:25 · answer #9 · answered by Happy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well....just lay off a little bit. BUT always be aware that something could happen. Trust her for the time being.
2006-08-23 01:00:13 · answer #10 · answered by tombomber27 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋