How do I trust men again after Divorce?

Question

Hi,
Married for 7 years to the most hateful and narcisstic man on the planet. Did not find this out until much later. He left the kids and I with ZERO warning to pursue a single life. Divorce will be final soon. I have met someone online who seems wonderful, and lives just 10 miles from me. He has been very patient, we have been chatting IM and phone calls all of this time, at least 1 hour per day. He respects my fear to actually date, but wants to meet and hopefully proceed. My heart tells me that he could be a wonderful man, but my head tells me that I am a basket case after this failed marriage, and may never trust a man again. Any ideas how I can get past this? He seems like a wonderful person. Also, I have 3 boys from my marriage. Ages 6,4, and 4 months. Yes, MONTHS. Ex does provide financial support. This man knows about my children, understands that they are my priority, and is not scared off. Thank you very much.

A sincere THANK YOU to everyone that replies and even just reads this. Will proceed slowly and not involve my children until much later. THANK YOU.

Answer 1

I believe that you should definately persue this slow and be very careful. That doesn't mean be scared to death though. You should probably meet the guy and examine his qualities with your knowledge of what was previously a trait that these past men who disrespected you have carried. Don't neccessarily run away if you see one trait. But be weary and use common sense. Alot of times men forget and have a lack thereof common sense when they are playing a woman or not serious about her. You have enough experience I believe to know your limits and your boundaries and if not you should write them down it could take a day, a week but write them down. Also listen to the heart alot of times we only listen to one part of it. You know what you want to do as far as meeting this guy. Just take it easy and don't be too quick to think you found a life-long partner. I am a guy and I know us men can alot of times tell a woman what she wants to hear to get what we want. But women can also do the same. Just be careful.

Answer 2

Welcome to Yahoo7 Answers… I noticed from your profile that you only just joined today, and that this is your first question. I hope you find the answers you are looking for!!!

Didn’t think too highly of your husband, did you?… the most hateful and narcisstic man on the planet!!! Perhaps you can help me understand therefore why only four months ago you had a baby to him??? Was the intimacy something you both shared, or was it forced upon you??? Feel free to not answer if you don’t wish to!!!

Anyway, the marriage is over, and ‘yes’ it is time to move on. You just need to make sure you are not heading in a downhill direction.

I don’t really know what to suggest to you, except ‘tread warily’… you have just come out of one sh*t relationship… don’t allow yourself to rush into another!!!

Be warned that online relationships are seldom what they appear to be!!! Someone who appears nice online can turn out to be a bigger nightmare than what your husband was!!! I certainly hope that isn’t the case for you and the kids.

One bad apple don’t spoil the whole bunch… so please don’t think that all men are ars*holes.

Follow your heart… but don’t lose track of your brain!!!

Good luck… I wish you well!!!

Answer 3

You need to know this is a rebound relationship and you could get hurt by this one as well. Believe me it happened to me before. It took me a long time to trust another man I went two years without dating anyone. I met a few people one I had a relationship for 6 months and I was not quite divorced yet. I had emotional issues and he broke up with me over the phone saying I was weak. I had a hard time dealing with being a failure. I now know that it just had to take some time. I went out on dates without thinking of it being serious until I met my husband now. What I am trying to say is take the relationship you have now slowly and don't think of getting serious with him until later.

Answer 4

I would be very cautious about getting involved in a relationship with someone you've met on-line even if he does seem "wonderful." You said yourself that you feel like a basket case. Its going to take awhile before you can trust men again. My advice to you is to make haste slowly with men you meet who you would like to date, and don't put all your eggs in one basket.
With 3 children including a 4 month old, I think I would just focus on my kids and skip the dating scene until your on more solid ground with yourself.

Answer 5

Keep your marriage bed pure so don't get any guy because second , third , fourth marriages are adultery ............... that is one way ticket to hell. No one fells out from love , they fell out from commitment. Marriage is death. When you speak those words " Till death do us part " THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT MEANS !!! Well I have news for you ............ honoring the sanctity of marriage all of us have to do. God is NOT a God of compromise. MARRIAGE IS A COMMITMENT - BOTTOM LINE ; FOR BETTER OR WORSE !!! A vow is a vow . God takes vows VERY serviously so we should do the same. When we marry , we make a lifetime commitment to stick by our lifetime ordained soulmate through thick & thin. If our ordained soulmate screws up and makes mistakes , forgive them , work it out and maintain your commitment. Divorce should never be option no matter what . Divorce means quit , and it's the coward's way out like is killing oneself is. Divorce is ONLY for people who could care less for their lifetime commitment to their ordained spouse & ordained family. Hey look I know how you feel my husband filed for divorce and I'm making a strong stand because I do NOT believe in divorce and I have high values & morals. For 5 years now my husband is with his girlfriend who was my X- best friend , he is just looking out for # 1. I know this to be true that if my husband was truly born again , he would be with me and our 3 precious children. Hey the problem is we live in what I call a " Fast Food , Could Care Less Society " .......... it 's me , myself , & I { I want what I want and I want it now } the problem is marriage is not fast food. It takes years of cultivation , nurturing and God centered. A Happy marriage is not a destination - it is a journey. That is the real hard core truth.

Answer 6

well if you dont just jump and do it you never will and wonder what if!!!! I had to be forced out of my home when mine did it and I have been married now w/ the man I met when friends dragged me out for 18 yrs this comin jan. and been together for almost 20, you dont want to wonder what if later on and it can be easy as a dinner out to start w/ if he is as wonderful and patient as you say then he will love and enjoy this w/ out any expectations on the dinner, work on the easy and slow then see how it goes, good luck

Answer 7

I'm just gonna tell you like it is....it's hard to trust someone after the level of betrayal you've been through with your ex. Just don't let past doubts cast any shade on someone that could be good for you and the kids.
BUT...you have to be doubly watchful...not just for you, but for those babies. I'm not the kind to trust just anyone with my kids, no matter how loving toward me thay seem to be! And I hope you're not, either. GB

Answer 8

Try taking things slow and remember that in any relationship there will be the good times as well as the bad. Best of wishes on your new potential relationship.

Answer 9

not all men are the same..start from there :) if you're ready to move on then give this guy a change..you'll never know till u do :) dont plunge jsut as yet, its good to be cautious, put one foot first, try and see if the water's good, then the rest is up to you :)

Answer 10

All dogs dont bite

You need to realize that all the ones growing arent rotten