married to a methadone addict.?

Question

I write this while I cry as my husband sleeps in the other room. He is addicted to methadone for pain. He comes home and takes a bath and snoozes in there, eats dinner, and then goes to bed. (around 5:30p.m.) The reason I cry is because I NEVER get to talk to him. I'll try talking to him when he gets home from work but before I can finish a question or statement he falls asleep. I have to say I love you 7 or 8 times in a row. I love him so much. I know he's my true love, but what should I do? I can never talk to him. I stay home and take care of our baby and the house. I have a few friends but damn it I want to talk to myhusband. I miss him so much. I knew it was bad when we got together but it has gotten continually worse. I would work and let him stay at home, but he loves to work and says he cant live if he's not working. (Honestly.) But I guess my questions are: is anyone else in this situatuation and what should I do. Divorce is not an option. Please help. Thank you.

PLEASE READ: I appreciate the answers that are kind and hopeful. HE IS NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT A RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT. HE HAS A METAL CAGE IN HIS SPINE AND TAKES IT FOR PAIN, HE IS PERSCRIBED AND TAKES ONLY THE ORDERED DOSEAGE!! I HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM OD AND I GIVE HIM HIS PILLS 90% OF THE TIME BECAUSE I DONT WANT HIM TO HAVE TO GET UP. PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU ANSWER. AND I DONT CARE IF IT'S A LONG QUESTION, ITS COMPLICATED, AND IF YOU DONT LIKE IT DONT ANSWER. THANK YOU ALL.

Answer 1

I understand, I work and come home to my wife crying begging for god to take her. she is beyond methadone, that was a temporary med for breakthrough pain. she continually expresses her fear that I will leave. you have to be able to talk about what you feel. I have gone through a lot of 12 step program, learning to take care of myself first, so I am better capable to deal the challenges life presents. Believe me, I feel for you. get a support system, some one you can talk to, and listen to. will help you to not feel alone.

Answer 2

If Divorce is not an option. And he really can't help being drowsy, tired, addicted and in pain, and you do love him (which God give you strength I can see you do) - then you just have to live with it. Perhaps over weekends you could talk to him and convince him work isn't for him/ and that you would much rather have him home, if he isn't in a position to talk when he gets home, try when he gets some time off work (he must).

If he is abusing methadone, get him some help (that is what rehab is for), if the addiction started of as recreational and the pain is just a withdrawl symptom he has to be commited to make the change if he loves you as much as you love him - if it is perscribed to him for pain - there isn't much that can be done. Your commitment is commendable.

Ultimately, I am just giving you the options that come to my mind: I can by no means give you an answer that solves your problem, although I really wish I could. I wish you all the best and you will be in my prayers. You deserve for things to look up.

All The Best.

Answer 3

Dont know a lot about methadone except it is some heavy s*** but I take pain medication, I would not be able to walk well without it, I was in an accident, and I am young and it sucks to be in pain, cant sleep well. I take celabrex and ambien, the ambien helps me sleep, if it gets real bad the doctor gives me something stronger or I am at the hospital cause I cannot even pick up a fork, and I am actually pretty young, **** happens. Well anyway I would talk to him about it, and tell him there are other medications that he can take for the pain that wont knock him out or have such heavy implications such as methadone, I know methadone is a heavy drug, also I would go with him to talk to his doctor, they can find other ways to help pain besides methadone. I sympathize with people that suffer with such pain because I know how it feels, but taking a drug that totally alters your life does not help, talk to him, try alternative therapies, and if that doesn't work he really needs to ask himself is he taking it just for the pain? So you can figure where the problem is at. I cant walk without medication and I am young and it sucks but being a slave to some medication sucks even worse. Talk and Good Luck!

Answer 4

I would call the facility where he is at and tell someone in charge what he is saying to you about how he could get drugs if he wanted to. I'm sorry to say but, if he's telling you he could get them and he's an addict then he probably already has and that's why his treatments seem to you like they are not affecting him. The people at the facility are trained to handle this type of thing so let them deal with him. They will have to try something more severe to get his attention. He is in there to get help so by all means make sure that he gets it. You are not doing him any favors by hiding the fact that he could get drugs if he wanted to. (it also does not help the others in there either) He is an addict. If there is anyway he can get drugs he probably has (in your heart you know it too) He needs to get a total detox and he can't get that if someone is giving him drugs in there. He will not get better unless you call the facility and tell them what is going on. He might have to be put in solitary confinement but, if will get him clean then it will be worth it.

Answer 5

i'm sorry for your pain. it sounds like you love your husband very much and just want a normal relationship that includes communication.

try talking to him about getting off the methadone. because as much as it's helping his pain, it's also destroying your marriage. if he says he can't or won't, then divorce might have to be an option. it's not just about you and your love for this man, you have a child, and that child deserves a better father than what he is on that stuff. you are a grown woman, and you can barely deal with this, think about how your baby will have to grow up.

i hope things get better.

Answer 6

You need to stop asking people in this SUPER BLOG and Go see some professional therapy help. Your husband is addict to an OPIATE. He's screwed. BAD! You're going to see his teeth fall out in five years. He will get real thin like an AIDS victim and may fall back to Heroine...then its all down hill from there. If divorce is not an option...DO NOT TAKE ANY ADVICE FROM A STRANGER ON THE COMPUTER. Get Some Real Help. LIKE A SOCIAL WORKER in your area.

Answer 7

maybe try an intervention i take methadone for a job related injury but i still do all the things i need to do clean cook and love my husband.im sorry for u and you really need to get through to him do u have anyone else who can get to him without him being mad at you for doing it?why does he take the drug?maybe u should speak with the dr who is perscribing the meds to him.and i dont blame u for not wanting a divorce but are you going to live the rest of your life like this?it isnt fair to you or your child

Answer 8

Try a support group for people who have addict families...also try talking to his doctor since you said it was for pain I'm thinking it's a script? Not illegal drugs? Try emailing him at work or something. Or leave this post open on the PC.

Answer 9

Listen, YOUR TRUE LOVE IS AN ADDICT.
Right now in his mind he has no idea what he is doing to you and you are ENABLING HIM.
You need to enroll him into drug counceling.
People addicted to things like methadone don't last long anyway so you need to consider the possibility the relationship is not going to last.

Answer 10

i am a recovering addict and really sympathize with your situation, because i used to be the person falling asleep and nodding out when my partner just wanted the real me to come around, bad news is i am divorced and since have found another recovering addict to share my life with, but that doesn't mean i think your relationship wont last.......all i can tell you is if he is there with you than most likely he does love you very much, as i did my ex......i just wasn't capable of sharing that in the way he needed me to.....but i have to tell you "dont give up on him" he is in your life and hopefully it will get better for you and him....i am so sorry you have to go through this with him....but dont forget he loves you and you love him.....go from there......i will pray for you.......dont go out without a fight, fight for want you want.....