My Boyfriend and I, J.T have been dating for a while, and when we have sex, he really hurts me, and during sex i dont say anything because i dont want him to be angry and stop and get all defensive. ( he's way bigger than me, he forgets how small I am) How can i tell him without making him feel bad? I dont want to make him angry or think i dont like what he's doing.
2006-08-22 17:12:26 · 14 answers · asked by Marie 3 in Health ➔ Women's Health
He's not fat. He hurts me because he gets a little...i dont know...fiesty...and its hard to pull him off because he's way taller and everything than i am.
2006-08-22 17:19:42 · update #1
talk to him be honest and if he is anytype of man he will understand. I'm alot bigger then my wife and we had the same talk. Make sure he understand that it not that you don't want to but he has to be gentle about doing it.
2006-08-22 17:17:39 · answer #1 · answered by keith_r83 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey, sex shouldn't hurt. My guess is your man is trying to please you and just doesn't know he is hurting you. You can try giving him non-verbal clues first and see if that helps. When he is being gentle, and it feels good, let him know by giving a little mmmmm. Or whisper to him that it feels good when he is gentle like that. If it is a problem with lubrication, and that is causing the hurt, use some KYjelly, or place your fingers in his mouth, or his fingers in yours, and use the natural lubricant. If you are still hurting during sex, when you start playing around, before he gets to what ever hurts, in a sexy, playful way, ask him if you can try (insert what ever words here will help the situation) tonight.
You need to make sure that both of you are enjoying sex. If he doesn't know you aren't, he can't change what he is doing, and the situation won't get any better.
Good luck to you!
2006-08-23 01:37:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to speak up for yourself.
talk to him at a more neutral time ...
it is always best to sandwich criticism between complements so tell him something you like and then add that sometimes sex hurts and you haven't complained because you didn't want him to be upset and you like most of the things he does just that when he gets carried away he hurts you and you want to make the sex better for both of you.
suggest some gentile foreplay games and stuff and also suggest a code word you can use when he gets too rough so he can ease off a bit.
just surround your criticisms and suggestions in with complements and keep steering the conversation to what you need to say.
if you bring it up at dinner or some other non sexed up time you will get allot more communicated... this way he can be sorry for hurting you when he gets carried away by passion
and not get mad or defensive
2006-08-23 00:22:38 · answer #3 · answered by ??IMAGINE ?? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,,, hey I would set him down and say look big boy... this is what is going on.... sometimes the direct approach is better for men than going around the mountain to tell him.....just be honest with him,, he should understand......and yall go get a karma sutra book and learn some new positions.. that dont squish you... lol
good luck
2006-08-23 00:19:50 · answer #4 · answered by eejonesaux 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him because you're not enjoying the process, and it should be mutually satisfying. If he cares for you, and he should if you're having sex, then he'll listen. Only try bringing it up when you're not having sex, and if you are, you could always say, "baby, I would like it a little slow tonight, yeah, touch me like that." Point is, he won't know unless you tell him.
2006-08-23 00:29:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're worried about him getting angry with you, that sounds like a problem in itself. Because if he might get angry if you tell him he's hurting you in sex, thats not respectful, thats almost like sexual assult. You should be able to tell your partner that he's hurting you, because then, you could find different postions or ways that it won't hurt you.
2006-08-23 00:17:19 · answer #6 · answered by L♥G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im not sure if your saying bigger in penis size or stature. If its the first one, get some lubricating gel and use the hell out of it. If its the latter, then just tell him directly or switch positions. That might be a welcomed surprise.
2006-08-23 00:19:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him in a nice way to be gentle with you because he's such a big guy, but you love him. That shouldn't make him mad. Teach yourself to relax more and open up, otherwise it might always hurt.
2006-08-23 00:18:59 · answer #8 · answered by anyone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him to go a little easier, and if he gets angry over that then he has some serious anger management issues.
2006-08-23 00:17:34 · answer #9 · answered by zooba 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For starters please tell him in an area with other people around (either publically or at least with some of your friends around). Secondly, tell him sooner rather than later - you don't want to be scared the rest of your life and if you don't do it now you might be stuck in this relationship scared forever!
Good luck girl!
xo honey
2006-08-23 00:30:34 · answer #10 · answered by Honey78 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋