a darkness wich pains my hart and soothes my soul,woven in the dank stench of the canabis i smoke ,an easy going rythem in plays in the back ground while i speculate as to the meanings of my life ,and wonder why bother .
I read of the pages of every vampire tale i can get my hands on and a part of me longs to be as free as they ,to taste the night ,to move about others unaware ,to never have to face the light of day ,
how seteling a thought
this is who i am and whom i am content to be .
where do i fit , to what groop do I belong ? these are the questions that plague me
so you think i may have talent as a writer
2006-08-22 17:04:31 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
exactly the efect i wanted micheal ,the first taste should always leave the reader hungry fore more
as far as spelling a proof reader can help there
2006-08-22 17:26:26 · update #1
Yeah.........if you can utilize the spell check! LOL too many run on sentences. too many commas. But spelling is very important!
2006-08-22 17:10:46 · answer #1 · answered by Ambervisions 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a demonsrtation of why you REALLY need to try proofreading:
A darkness which pains my heart and soothes my soul, woven in the dank stench of the canabis I smoke, an easygoing rhythm plays in the background while I speculate as to the meanings of my life and wonder, "Why bother?"
I read the pages of every vampire tale I can get my hands on and a part of me longs to be as free as they, to taste the night, to move about others unaware, to never have to face the light of day. How settling a thought. This is who I am and whom I am content to be. Where do I fit in, to what group do I belong? These are the questions that plague me.
Those are your words, but proofread and corrected just for grammatical, spelling and punctuation mistakes. I take no blame for any stylistic problems that may remain. I think that this passage is rather cliched, but I've never been impressed with any of the several modern vampire stories that I've read, and your stuff is a lot like some of them that are sucessful, so you may have a decent chance at getting published. However, if you don't learn to take more care with the -craft- of writing, all the talent in theworld on the -art- side of it won't do you any good. You also don't want to write like a thesaurus sneezed on your manuscript. "Dank stench" may not be the most appropriate description of that smell...
2006-08-23 02:01:47 · answer #2 · answered by Red 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not an English major, but I think that you did really good.
Suggestions:
I think you made some spelling errors. "hart" = "heart", "groop" = "group", "seteling = settling?"
I also think you should reword the sentence. Something less wordy? "I read of the pages of every vampire tale i can get my hands on and ..."
Things I like:
I think you have a great opening.
Good descriptions and word choices.
I'm interested to read more.
2006-08-23 00:18:37 · answer #3 · answered by Michael M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to visit the tundra for about a year. your problem is that you feel isolated in a society that is too full for you to engage. the reason you cannot engage is because you have lost touch of your own diurnal rythyms (men are diurnal--have daily rhythyms)
you need to spend some time concentrating on natural rhythyms....suck the sustenance of mother earth rather than looking inside for something that has never been planted, let alone grown...canabis can help you to meditate, but it cannot make you wise, whereas listening to and knowing yourself is the deepest wisdom a human being can achieve
2006-08-30 16:11:19 · answer #4 · answered by soobee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
out side of my personal opinions of you ( being a heathen wich you so sickly admit ) i do see an odd talent .
you need to focus more on apropriate sentence structure and spelling ,but s you said thats what proof readers are fore.
red your wrong dank is the right word to discribe the smell of canabis and its smoke
2006-08-23 02:18:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you would love Canadian TV show called"forever knight" he res a line from it:i was brought across in 1826 ,to feed upon the blood of humans,but now long to be mortal again,to repay society,and end my forever endless night.Sorry about the run on sentence.
2006-08-30 15:19:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anyone has the potential to be creative and to express his or her creativity on the page. There are, though, certain precursors, not the least of which is a good grasp of language. That includes spelling. Work on that, and continue to hone your craft.
2006-08-30 06:52:41 · answer #7 · answered by indian_ernie42 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is difficult to take a self-proclaimed "writer" seriously when she can neither spell correctly, nor create an entire sentence. I am not opposed to vampire adoration . It has already been done and been done well.
2006-08-30 07:18:44 · answer #8 · answered by Gina N 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i sit in the darkness, the darkness of my mind. smelling the mist thats in the air. making my way thru my thoughts, like a guide on a safari. getting caught up on the webs of lies i ve told. falling in the holes of my sins. reaching 2 find truth & meaning 2 pull me up.........yes u have talent, do u think i do?
2006-08-23 00:14:33 · answer #9 · answered by big foot 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you wrote this, you have much promise as a writer, of course, your spelling does need some work, but you go on with your bad self!
2006-08-23 00:48:34 · answer #10 · answered by breezy b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋