Question for African Americans?

Question

Okay, I'll be the first to admit I'm ignorant, but I ask not to insult, but to understand.

Why is is that far too many African American children are raised with only a mother or grandparent raising the child? It seems that in too many cases, the father is not part of that household, and for many of these men, they do not take an active role in the parenting of that child.

Help a small town white woman to understand this. What do you think can be done to encourage these men to take responsibility for their children's livelihood?

Answer 1

Hey Searcher...black single mom here. I am raising my 2 daughters alone. My oldest daughter's father was shot to death at a cookout in his neighborhood & my youngest daughter's father, my ex husband is in prison. What can I say? I had poor judgment in the man category when I was younger. My girls are now 11 & 14 and neither of them have a father in their life. This saddens me and I fault myself partly for not selecting their fathers more carefully. In response to your question about what can be done to encourage these men to take responsibility for their children's livelihood I have some suggestions & thoughts:
1. We as black women can stop the cycle of poor selection in mates. Too often we fall in love with the idea of what a man could be if he stopped drinking, held a job, stayed out of jail, didn't beat us, didn't cheat on us, became a Christian, was kinder and respectful to us, got off drugs, stopped blaming others for his shortcomings, etc. We need to have high standards for what kind of mate we want and consider each mate as a possible father to our children. We should make our selection not based on how fine a man is physically but what are his character traits like is he a hard worker? responsible? patient?kind? God-fearing? compassionate? dependable? strong in mind and body?
2. Our black community needs to regroup and get back to marriage and family being the rock of our existence. Back during slavery times, black families were torn apart and sold off. Now we're doing it for free. We place our value on so many other things like nice cars, big houses, rims on our cars, our Air Force Ones, getting our nails done, knowing the latest dances, and basically other trivial things. We need to realize that the only way that we can thrive as a people is to unite and raise strong, healthy, balanced, educated, grounded offsprings.
3. Black mothers need to stop babying their sons. They need to stop upholding his bad behavior and hold him accountable. Working in the court system with large volumes of domestic violence cases, I meet so many mothers--some single, some married, who think that their son can do no wrong. I don't care how clear it is that the man is in the wrong, these mother will stand by his side. This does not help that man. This only cuts him slack and enables him to dig a deeper whole for himself.
4. Black men need to turn their lives over to Christ as their saviour---and not just call on Him when the chips are down and the road has gotten rough. We have a lot of hypocrites in our Black churches and this needs to cease. We need to realize that it is only through the Lord that our salvation will be possible.
5. We as black women need to view our bodies as the temples that they are. We need to stop having casual, unprotected sex and producing children with men that only want to add another notch to their belts. This will eliminate quite a few deadbeat dads.
Too many of our black men are not in the homes and are not playing an active role in raising their children and it disturbs me, too. I don't have any one answer or a surefire way to change this but I know from my own personal experiences that if some of these things were in place...some of this problem would be lessened. HOWEVER, I do want to clarify that although single parent homes are quite an epidemic in the Black community, they are on the rise in the White community as well. I speak on the Black side of this issue because I am Black. Not all single Black mothers are crack head whores, uneducated hoodrats, or just promiscous sluts. Many of us are good women who had dreams of creating a family with a man and sitting as the matriarch and patriarch of that family as the generations were brought forth. Many of us realized too late that we had done our children injustice and now we regret it, but at the end of day...we still press on and try to raise our children the best way that we can. If a Black man reads this, don't get offended. We love you and we want you to come on home and do what you were put here to do. We're waiting. I hope this sheds some light on a dark sissue.

Answer 2

I commend you on stepping out of the box and asking such a pertinent question that faces African Americans daily.

Theres no more than can be done that hasn't already been done. Many African American men are faced with obstacles upon their conception as well. It's a vicious cycle, that not only African Americans, but other races deal with everyday. Some African American men do not have the necessary role models - no father, no uncles, no grandfathers, etc to show them because they have may have been absent from the home due to jail, death, etc - some have the role models and choose to do the opposite - raised in traditional homes yet choose to do otherwise - some just don't care, some leave the home because the women doesn't allow him to be the man that he is trying to be - no one wants to be insulted all the time and then expect to do, it's not an excuse, just reality - the mother could choose to walk away from the realtionship due to mental or physical abuse, the father could choose to walk away because to the mother's lack and disregard for the well being of the children. There are many reasons, however, keep in mind African Americans aren't the only households affected.

I am a product of a single African American household. I am proud of my mother. She raised me and my siblings without the help of their fathers. She had a total of three. She married my sister's father who is now deceased but he didn't reside in the home after their second year of marriage because he wasn't able to forsake his family according to the Bible and his vows. We are not wayward children at all. We are all in college, we have no children out of wedlock, we all have jobs, we are not on drugs, and we've never been to jail. The story for me is that my father didn't want my mom, brother or myself anymore. Hard pill to swallow. Despite his feelings, my mother never denied his access to us. He chose to void us from his life. He went on to marry someone and had a child with her. My sister doesn't have him in her life either because her mother chose to end the relationship for whatever reason.

Everyone's story is different. Everyone's outcome is different. My resolution for myself is to strive to break the cycle. I've made a commitment to myself that I will be married before bringing a child into this world and that the only way my marriage ends is through death of natural causes or a unforseen accident. I do not believe in divorce or separation. There is always a way to work things out if both parties are willing and the love for one another hasn't been extinguished. I do not want a child of mines to be a product of a single family. If it has to be that way, then I choose not to have children.

I hope that this helps. Please feel free to respond.

Answer 3

Damn, you people are scared of your own shadows. Go out on a limb. Dare to offend. Or don't bother to comment at all.

Read a little history, of this and other nations. In virtually every culture, poverty ridden groups ranked higher in out-of-wedlock births and single parent households. Also higher in crime and violence. Ethnic background is not the determining factor. A sense of hopelessness and helplessness in the community is.

What can be done? Bring jobs to the community that encourage self-respect and a belief in a better future.

Answer 4

although i am not a black man, i can answer that.

because pop culture and entertainment as well as the liberal controlled school systems and establishment keep telling them over and over that due to "past wrongs' they are dismissed from responsibility and people are so afraid of being called a racist, that they applaud their behavior or make excuses for them for whatever they do.

Answer 5

How do you about black single parent hood? But anyway I don't know nor can I find away to stop it.

Answer 6

Whoa! Am I in the wrong theater? Nope no I'm not... Hey you guys, where's the popcorn?

Answer 7

pretty funny when a white know it all liberal can speak for the black man

Answer 8

Marryme, is this seat empty?


Can someone pass me the popcorn?

Answer 9

crap, that's it so far? Well, most of those crack whores don't even know who their babies daddy is, let alone getting one to stick around and pay for all her stuff.

Answer 10

*takes seat behind those already here*


*Yes just sitdown and dont get in the way...it should be fun*