I recently married a women with a son (5). Because of circumstances, I will be the child's dad. My inlaws have absolutely no respect for my decisions. My wife backs me up at the time a situation or disagreement arises but seems to fall back to the way things were before the disagreement. Trust me, a statement must be made to the inlaws but I want to tactfully get my wife's support. About a month back, her parents wanted to pick him up to go swimming. I said ok but make sure he is home by 7 so we can eat together. They didn't like having to respect a time.They raised hell about this, brought him home late anyway, screamed at me as if I'm a child, and said that I am trying to push my wife and her (our) son away from them. We told them (inlaws) that he (son) would not be going over there during the week, etc. Now tomorrow, they want to take him for awhile. The inlaws are not rational people. Trust me, I've tried to have an adult conversation with them. What do I do?
2006-08-22 15:15:15 · 11 answers · asked by BeatTheGib 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Keep in mind, they live extremely close to us and have had the luxury of seeing him almost every other day. This is not a privelege all grandparents enjoy. Now, I don't want them around at all. They definitely are not the best role models either. I know I may not be but I'm not an ex-con either, if you know what I mean.
2006-08-22 15:23:46 · update #1
How did you get yourself into this mess? They should be glad that their daughter married someone that will be a dad to her son instead of acting like children. Did they watch the boy alot before you two were married? They probably feel like they will be cut out of the little guys life now. You all just need to have a talk and you and your wife need to explain to them that ya'll are raising the boy and ya'll make all decisions regarding him and they should respect that.
2006-08-22 15:20:43 · answer #1 · answered by gee-geeofmo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down with your wife and tell her about your frustrations in the most positive way possible. I would let her know that you are not trying to attack her but that you want to work together with her to resolve the issues with the inlaws. These are people that you are going to know for the rest of your life and you want to make sure your relationship is a smooth one. Then i would ask your wife to sit down with you and your inlaws and explain to them that you apreciate that they want to take out your son but that you do have other resposibilities and when you ask to have him home by a certain time you do need him home by then. This may sound better coming from your wife but i would have her emphisize the "we" in the discusion. That way you both project to them that decsions concerning your son are a group decsion between the two of you. I guess what i am trying to say is that you are working together and that you are not just telling her how to raise your son.
2006-08-22 15:25:39 · answer #2 · answered by Tabitha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First and most importantly, remember that you are the parents raising the child together. Make sure that your wife is completely with you on the decisions concerning the family. Perhaps have your wife approach her parents and set down the rules. If all else fails remember that you have the right as parents to just say no, even if it might hurt feelings or cause a problem. Good luck!
2006-08-22 15:20:01 · answer #3 · answered by Meg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your wife need a united front, for the sake of her son. I know you want to instill the value of 'family' however, you are now head of household, and you and your wife are the decision makers. Even better, see if you can legally adopt the child, in order to have one familiy name in your home. If your wife can not respect you and defend you, then she is worthless. Sorry, but she will only bring down the house from the inside out.
In the meantime, have your wife tell her parents that they will not need to come over any longer until they can respect the fact they are not in charge...sorry, but it has to be this way. If they are obstinant and try to take you to court, move and change your number. They risk a family war over this...and it would be apparent at that time they only care about control and not the child. Honestly, it's not normal. At that point, if my in-laws took me to court...I would villify them and say they molested my kid. End of of them. I would then explain to my son that gma and gpa died. I am the parent now...deal with it.
2006-08-22 15:26:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hummm at 5 he should be starting kindergarten... so make a rule nothing on school nights. this is yours and your wife's marriage... you 2 need to work together... but also remember they are her parents and she has been listening to them her whole life... it will take time for that to change esp if they live close by and are always butting in. write them a letter explaining how you think its great that they are SOOOO concerned with their grandson... and you dont want to change their close bond.... but then lay out some rules. go over this letter with your wife. make sure you knows what the rules are and that she is willing to stick with it. I say put it in writing because there is really no emotion in writing... just facts. that way you can what you want with out being interrupted. and they cant say you said something different to their daughter with having read it first. Good luck... hope this made since.
2006-08-22 15:53:03 · answer #5 · answered by concerned mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do the same as I did.
Just tell the inlaws to back off or else!
Make them sit back and take notice of you.
You have to stand your ground. Tell them that you are now the boys father and they have to respect that. And if they refuse, you will only get to see the grandson at family outings. (you don't have to really mean this, but get your wife behind you) they will listen.
2006-08-22 15:20:36 · answer #6 · answered by John M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry you are going through this but I think you need to understand that your in-laws might see you as a threat to them. They have been with this child all of his life and now that you are in the picture they feel threatened. Your wife needs to talk to them and try and make them understand that the three of you are a family now. Believe me we grandparents can be very hard to deal with when it comes to our grandchildren. Best of luck.
2006-08-22 15:20:31 · answer #7 · answered by shirley e 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to tell your wife that you marred her, not her parents and that they had better back off or you will leave. It is very noble of you to take on the role of the father, and they should respect that. Just stand your ground, and don't give in to them, and tell your wife that she has to stand up to them or it is going to cause you problems in the future...Good Luck and Stick your ground
2006-08-22 15:22:16 · answer #8 · answered by Just Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur inlaws sounds like mean and rude people, since u have tried everything, why not trying being nice to them, be extra nice if possible and if they want to take your son somewhere, why dont u suggest that u all go so that it becomes a family outing... get ur wife to talk to them about how nice u are and try to let ur in laws know that u care for them (even thou u dont), try to get in ur father in laws head first and do specail things with him and ur son, after he is in ur side.. try ur charms with ur mother in law but once u have ur father in law in ur side,u wont need ur mother in laws approval or nething cos he can then handle ur mother in law... try to use ur charms to the max... ( i know its being mean but u got to do wot u got to do)..
2006-08-22 15:23:53 · answer #9 · answered by beautysexychick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No there could only be a familiar vote: sure abortion or no to abortion government should not be in contact. enable the persons opt for. yet then we don't stay in a democracy we live in a republic. and enable idiots like bu$h opt for for us
2016-11-05 10:21:39 · answer #10 · answered by pachter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋