how do i get my marriage back on the right track?

Question

october will be a year and my husband and i have been facing marital problems for about 2.5 months now. I want to talk and find a solution to our problems, but my husband isn't ready yet. He talks to females daily on his cell phone and online. I beleive that is why he isn't ready to talk and work our problems out. We are still living under the same roof, just not considering us together right now. I need help!

Answer 1

I just had a look at your profile… A young, beautiful African-American married woman with three adorable children….

That was dated 22 August 2006 (yesterday); and this is your first question!!!

I’m glad you started your profile off with positive thoughts about yourself… Young and Beautiful. It shows you still feel good about yourself, despite what you have gone through over the past two months!!!

The next part of your profile included the words ‘married woman’… as opposed to ‘happily married woman’. You obviously wanted people to know that you were married, which is good to see. It shows that you do want your marriage to be successful.

You followed that part of your profile with the words… ‘three adorable children’. That’s nice… it means that you are not allowing the disharmony in your marriage to affect your feelings toward your beautiful children… I like that!!!

Where to from now???

From what you have written, it doesn’t appear that your husband wants to save your marriage. As much as it saddens me to say it, it looks like he is trying to line up his next relationship, and is currently only using your marriage for the convenience of having somewhere to stay until he can move on!!!

I don’t accept that your husband is ‘not ready’ to try to save your marriage…. I feel it is much more the case that he simply doesn’t want to!!! The sad thing there of course, is that you can not save it by yourself!!!

I just picked up on a point you made in your question… You have been married for less than a year, but you have three adorable children!!! You perhaps need to help people (like myself) understand that situation a bit better. Is your husband ‘the father’ of the children???

What is your husband’s relationship with the children like??? Perhaps they hold the key to saving your marriage!!!

Because I don’t know what caused the turmoil in your marriage to begin, there isn’t all that much I can say to help you. All I can do is suggest that you take one daily loving step at a time to save your marriage. I’m sorry to say though, that unless your husband can be made to want the same thing, you will be fighting a losing battle.

I wish you luck… I wish you love… for you and your adorable children!!!

Answer 2

I'd say you both need to sit down and have a talk whether he's ready or not. He being your husband has no business talking with other women on his cell (unless it's business) or online especially. He is married to you, and supposed to be talking to you about things, not them. This may be causing him to not cling to you, as he has these others. He needs to not do this. You are his wife and there is not room for any others. You are to be first.

Answer 3

Duh!! What part of this story don't you get??? He is not into you anymore. He is cheating on you!!! What do you mean that he is not ready to find a solution to your problems because he is online with women and talks on the phone with them????? How does it feel to be played for a fool??? You need to have a talk with him and set some boundaries, sweetie and send this guy packing. What is the matter with you????? Are you stupid or what????

Answer 4

The answer is desire and boundaries. Without his desire to continue and work on the relationship you both might as well hang it up. As for boundaries, without the appropriate boundaries most relationships in that situation go right down the crapper.

When I was in dire straights with my ex-fiance our counselor asked my ex above anything did she really wanted to continue. Without this desire any counseling would be futile She was in severe doubt at best, which is why we could not work anything out from there. As my sister advised me, if there is doubt there is no doubt.

As for boundaries without them it makes it all too easy for the partner to stray emotionally detaching from his mate while attaching to another.

Draw the line. If he crosses it go on with you life. If not the real work begins.

Answer 5

I think that if you want your marriage then you should work at saving it...but this will take some soul searching on your part...it may also mean that you have to confront some insecurities that you have within and face some realities about your mate that may have always been there but you were blind by love to see them initially...then you can decide whats best for you.

Answer 6

Set up some counseling and let your husband know about it. Let him know that he is welcome to come and talk, when he's ready.

Let him know that his talking to other women is hurtful to you. Don't argue about it, don't get emotional, just tell him how you feel. Say something like, "This is just to let you know how I feel about this particular habit you're in." You're going to just drop the bomb, and let him deal with the fallout.

Then go to the counseling, for yourself. Don't wait on him. Take care of yourself now. He'll come around, and if he doesn't, so be it.

Answer 7

Just because he is talking online and on the cell phone to these girls doesn't mean anything. He is probably asking them advice on how to approach you.

Answer 8

I will tell you like my mother told me! Act like you are busy and could care less what he is doing make him think you don't care. He will get a grip. If he don't, why would you want someone that don't want you?

Answer 9

you and me both mrsbland
life just works in funny ways maybe you two have already worked things out but just aren't read to let go

Answer 10

If he is talking to other women than you need to move on with your life.