my bf is not very active with the wedding plannig. I'm really mad now because we were supposed to see places this weekend, and something came up and he can't go. I'm contemplating going with my sister, but I feel like this is something we should do together! is this normal? I feel rejected and that he's not interested in the wedding. I really wanted a beautiful wedding, but i'm contemplating eloping or ever getting married at city hall rather than going through this painful ordeal. I wish he cared more.
2006-08-22 14:03:43 · 16 answers · asked by ingrid 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to be discussing this with your fiance. If you can't work through just planning a wedding, you're going to have a very hard time working through a marriage. Sit down with your fiance, explain to him how important this is to you, and let him know that his ACTIVE participation would really mean alot to you. One of the best features of a strong marriage is strong communication skills, and another is the ability to compromise. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-08-22 14:09:03 · answer #1 · answered by abcd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel rejected, it has nothing to do with you. There are a few men that like to be involved in the planning, but not very many, at least in my experience. It's too much to think about, and they probably care about it as much as what kind of curtains you're going to put in the kitchen. Ask him if he cares if you go with your sister - if he says no, you and your sister should go and have fun. Guys just don't seem to think the details are that important. And they're not. The wedding is one day - the marriage is what's important, and that should last your life time. Eloping can be spontaneous, very romantic, and save you tons of money - it's not a bad idea.
Edited to add: the whole big white wedding thing is mostly about the bride anyways. Have you been planning the day in your head since you were a little girl? He hasn't. He gets to choose a tux - you get to look at 2000 wedding gowns. Isn't it mostly about what YOU want anyways? If you have your heart set on tulips and he wants carnations are you going to give the ok for the carnations?
2006-08-22 14:06:50 · answer #2 · answered by They call me ... Trixie. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, don't be mad at him, this is a woman's thing, it's always been and always will be. I think most guys are content with just being told when and where to show up for the wedding. If you don't want the headache, then scrap the big to-do, go to vegas, get married and come back to have a big reception. This day, isn't suppose to be about the flowers, or the hall, the cake or the caterer...it's about exchanging vows of committment to the one you plan on spending the rest of your life with. I know you may feel as though he's abondoning you during the most importnant time in your life, but he's not...either something really did come up, or it's his way of saying whatever you decide is just fine with him...he trusts you and wants this day to be perfect for you. All you can do is ask.
2006-08-22 14:29:36 · answer #3 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's not really interested in the wedding. He's interested in you. Most guys figure that the girl has probably been planning her wedding since she was 6 so it's easier to let her do everything she wants because it really doesn't matter to him. All he cares about is that day you chose him over everyone else forever, not what color the napkins are. Have you told him why you want him to be involved? And if something legitimate came up, it happens, it's not his fault. Either postpone, or go with your sister. And if it is too much for you, nothing wrong with eloping, just don't do it because you feel unloved.
2006-08-22 14:13:02 · answer #4 · answered by Kanga_tush2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you have a dead beat fiance but you definitely shouldn't sacrifice your dream wedding just because he isn't being your dream fiance. Unfortunately a lot (not all) of men are like this. I know it's hard for some of us females to understand but some guys just aren't interested in wedding planning. It's like you being excited about designing a wood working shop. Would you want to go pick out power tools with him? Some guys just can't get excited because they are well.... men.
Make sure he really doesn't want to go, you might be overreacting because your feelings are hurt, has he suggested rescheduling? If he really doesn't want to go then, you should first discuss the overall feel you want. Inside/Outside? Church? Big/Small? Make sure you are on the same page and then just go yourself (with your sister). You could take pictures and grab brochures that he can look at if he likes. It could really be a blessing cause now you get to pick things out with out his lousy taste getting in the way.
2006-08-22 14:16:53 · answer #5 · answered by marla m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A wedding is know as the BRIDE'S day. It's normal for guys not to want to get into the planning. He cares more about what comes after the marriage. Best Wishes
2006-08-22 14:08:12 · answer #6 · answered by whataboutme 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Isn't his asking you to marry him showing he cares? Miss, men don't care about the wedding. Today, weddings can be confused with a circus. It shouldn't be that way. The marriage ISN'T a ceremony, it's your life and future together. Heck, IF you are in Michigan, I'll marry you for nothing, as long as you guys have a valid marriage license. And yes, I CAN perform weddings. Any time you want.
2006-08-22 14:18:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Weddings are a girl thing. If he was all that interested he would probably be gay. Assign him 3 simple responsibilities for the wedding. Then you just go and do your thing. You are going to be one crab of a wife if you go into your marriage with all kinds of ideas of how you want him to act. You better learn to accept him as he is and like it. Do you want to marry a man or a mouse?
2006-08-22 14:14:28 · answer #8 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello I don't know how old you two are. But Take this advice From experience. No man out there Is usually in the plans of a wedding. They are nerves, So they are not going to show, That soft side of them. Especially In front of there friends. Good Luck to you. Congradulations.
2006-08-22 14:12:24 · answer #9 · answered by karen b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do the wedding the way that you want. When it comes time for the invitations to be addressed hand him his half of the list and write yours. If he doesn't send his half, then you have a smaller wedding by half. Only your side will be in attendance and he will only have himself to blame. Also when it comes time for writing the thank you cards for the gifts, again give him the list from his side and send for your side only. My husband was involved, but he didn't like the addressing and mailing part of the wedding, so he had to participate in everything else, choosing wedding sites, caterers, etc. But then he didn't have to address any invitations or write thank you cards (except to his old great aunt who thought I was not worthy to be marrying him and gave him a check that he was to use to hire a good attorney).
2006-08-22 14:09:01 · answer #10 · answered by mom of girls 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋