Can anyone help me spice up my marriage?

Question

I have been married ten years. My husband is a very decent person. But he is not affectionate towards me. I mean we make love. I'ts just always the same all the time. I feel like he don't love me anymore. Is it that he don't love me? Please give me some advice to help me spice it up a bit.

Answer 1

I will do the best I can with this answer. I am a guy who is in a marriage where I wife feels the same way as you. She has came right out and told me about it. I can tget her to understand why but maybe I can you since you dont know me at all.
It is not that I dont love my wife, In fact, I sometimes wonder if I could actually ever be happy if she want with me. I love her very much. As far as sexuality, I am not comfortable enuff with myself to get " really wild " with someone that I get up and face every mourning. I feel that is not respecting her and she is not my slave, its just my feelings, maybe its old fashion, I dont know. Now when it comes to someone else, I can do about anything, I can treat someone I was just haveing sex with as a "slave", but not my wife.
I am not sure how you are in the bed, its none of my business in this case but, maybe you could try something yourself. Maybe trying to clutch is chest, scratch his back, mocve your hips a bit harder, do something sexy. That is something that tends to bring out the " animal " in me. I am not a sex therapist but I am just trying to maybe give ya ideas. As sick as it may sound and, not that I have EVER done this but its what I was told, while you are all making love, slip your finger in his ***, I heard that it will make a man lose control and absolutely crazy especially if you do it right before he cums.
I am sure he loves you very much, more than he can express. I also have been with my wife for 10 years and I Love her very much, I dont cheat on her but our sex life isnt the best as she would say. We love each other and deal with it. So maybe I am not the person to give you advice but hey, what is wrong with trying ? hope its helps you !!

Answer 2

Try planning a romantic night away from home for the 2 of you. If you're in the Chicago or Milwaukee areas, there are places called Sybaris. Very upscale hotels for adults. They have very nice rooms, whirlpools, some with pools, saunas. No phones in the rooms except an emergency line that connects to the front desk. Bring some wine, and an edible flavored body oil.
You could try to get him to take a couples massage course, or buy a video on the subject.
Get the book The Kama Sutra, and try some of the different positions with him.

Answer 3

Make a date at a hotel. Pretend that you are lovers at a clandestine tryst. Dress demurely with spicy undergarments (Like wedding gown over a black lace merry widow corset).

Make a date at a restaurant. Get separate tables. Ogle and "pick up" one another.

Go on a holiday together and explore the scenarios above - double interest as it's not just a new scenario, it's also a different place. (Just don't go to odd places where untoward things are know to happen)

Write one another raunchy love letters and send them, express, to one another at work.

Spend an entire day off within one another's proximity but without speaking or looking at one another, until an agreed-to time at which you will "discover" each other.

Explore one another's weirdest fantasies. As long as you do not hurt or shame one another what's the harm?

It's highly unlikely that your husband doesn't love you any more - familiarity is the culprit and there's a reason familiarity breeds contempt, as the saying goes - you are bored by one another's routines; you know what will happen next in your intimate moments and that puts a damper on it. So it's time to change a few assumptions.

Answer 4

Your problem is a common one in marriage. We men tend to think you just know we love you, and are pretty bad at filling your needs mentally and emotionally. We have to be taught that women need a connection to feel important, loved and desirable to get really turned on.

You have to remember, our biggest sexual organ is the brain. Sometimes men haven't learned this. ( and by the time we do we are almost too old!)

There are many books on this subject, many tapes, and many tried and true ways of spicing up a marriage.

The best thing I see is your commitment to trying, and that you two still love one another!

Answer 5

Think outside the box. Something to spice it up. Wether it be buying a sexy outfit to wear around the house when he is home, or planning a night out thats different from what you usually do. I have a great PDF file that was sent to me thats specifically written to spice up the marriage. Send me a message if your interested adn I can e-mail it to you. There are tons of different ideas that may help.

Answer 6

It sounds to me like you want romance not spice? You get romance from an old partner takes changing your ways...You need to be more loving and open towards him ever if he is not the nicest to you and eventually he will see your ways. This takes time and effort but the rewards are great. I think I need to explain when he does something than you need to appreciate it and take the pressure off him to do better or more than his openly giving becomes less of a task and more of a gift.

Answer 7

Love changes over the years. We all get trapped in a routine at some point. Try something a little kinky like watching a porn together or visiting an adult store. The store's will give you plenty of ideas. Even just switching to some naughtier lingerie might help. Or blind fold him and tease him for awhile. Don't let him touch you while you're doing it. That drives men nuts!

Answer 8

Remember, what works depends on your husband & you.

Sometimes my wife will go braless & several times she’s even removed her blouse while we were walking in a secluded park or hiking. If you are willing to go topless you can spice it up even more by handing your bra and blouse to your husband. This could be a nice turn on for him. Even if the risk of being seen is very small, or even zero, it can be a great turn on and if you do give him your clothes you combine bare nipples with a bit of a power trip for him. However, if anyone shows up & he doesn’t give you back your stuff you might find yourself putting on a topless show for someone besides your husband. So you may want to hold on to your top. However, you being caught topless might really turn him on.

If being outside topless is too risqué or reckless try removing your top while the two of you are driving -- preferably alone and at night. I love to drive with my wife topless & occasionally she’ll do this for me. If you’re in traffic keep your eyes open. Once we heard a very loud racing engine & realized that as we passed a truck his lights were high enough to light up the inside of our car. After seeing my wife he increased his speed to catch up with us to get another look. My topless wife didn't notice him till he'd seen her. She said he was grinning from ear to ear. My wife had a few drinks & he already saw her so she decided not to worry about a trucker seeing her topless. I let him catch up with us & then slowly passed him again giving him another nice look as my wife smiled at him. Sleepy truckers are a road hazard so that was our bit for public safety. The next day she said "I can't believe I flashed a trucker." I thought it was great.

You can also serve him a drink topless.

Answer 9

Your in a routine. So how about a weekend a National Park in a cabin fix a nice dinner for 2. How about fixing his bath with spices and warm oil a beer or glass of wine would be nice. Then see what happens or about a good old fashion date.

Answer 10

Start listening to eachother very carefully. Tell him everything that crosses your mind. Let one another know that you/he are/is the one and only. Kiss a lot. Hold hands in public. Do special stuff in the sack without being asked. Touch him more often. Do stuff that you know you should be doing but don't. Make it stuff that you won't get tired of. Lose forty pounds, or as much as you need to. People pretend that it shouldn't make a difference, but sometimes it's a huge hurdle. I can't get past it. I don't expect he can either.