After 5 years together, we have started to plan a wedding. My partner says he loves me, but never shows it. I am starting to feel like I am only there because it is routine. I do love him, but don't know if I am in love with him. Is this normal? Help please!
2006-08-22 11:41:52 · 13 answers · asked by carol 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would suggest you weigh up what you want from a relationship. We all take our partners for granted and do not realise how much we feel until we are without them. Love is not fairytales, romance or an endless spark, it is mutual trust, respect, care and appreciation. Try reading 'The Art of Loving' by Erich Fromm and talk to your boyfriend..... You are not married yet. Or consider a trial separation to test the waters.
2006-08-22 11:47:58 · answer #1 · answered by SheRah35 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, I'm not quite sure what is it that people want to say when they use "in love" as opposed to "love". Is "in love" some higher form of "love"? Is it so much better to be "in love" than just to "love" somebody? I'm guessing, maybe what one means by that is that the "high" of the first love is gone out of the relationship. But is it necessarily a bad thing? You can't fully sustain the feeling of "new-ness" in a long-term relationship; there are other things that a long-term partnership offers - love, companionship, support, comfort.
Re. your partner's feelings for you... Only you two can figure this out. Keep in mind that some people are just less emotionally open or expressive than others. Has he always been this way, or has it changed recently? Some amount of adjustment is normal, but a drastic change in the level of his affection would be a bad sign. Perhaps he feels smothered by you? I don't know. Maybe both of you are simply stressed out right now - stress doesn't usually bring out the best in us. Keep your confidence up, and good luck!
2006-08-22 19:24:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are men out there who have a hard time expressing their love. Sometimes you just have to tell him " hey, I like flowers, buy me some". Believe me they would appreciate it. However, I am more concerned about your feelings towards him. Stop planning your wedding if you are not sure that you are "in love" with him.
2006-08-22 18:48:27 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you loved him enough to spend the rest of your life with you would know by now. If you don't feel overwhelming love when you see him or feel sick when you think about your life without him, then you are not in love and stop the wedding plans now before it get to far.
2006-08-22 18:46:13 · answer #4 · answered by lilmama 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think this is one of the most common problems in between couples, the best to go is with being honest but in a very clever honesty, you dont want to hurt anyone but u dont wanna lie to anyone and even less lose someone u care about,
i dont think routine relationships turn into great matrimonies.
2006-08-22 18:55:27 · answer #5 · answered by yety21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well after 5 years it`s like Your already married if Your already living together.Marriage can sometimes put additional strain on a relationship.Perhaps it`s best to leave things as they are.Especially if Your not in love with Him
2006-08-22 19:02:42 · answer #6 · answered by JULIA E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can think any way that you want to.
When I don't know what to do i can:
1) do somin' and see if it is the thing that I want
or
2) wait until I know what I want.
What is the benefit of these if its right?
What is the cost of these if its wrong?
hm...
5 years and you still don't know?
hm..
2006-08-22 19:09:06 · answer #7 · answered by DM 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes what it probably is, is that you guys are just comfortable and mostly men are that way they subcontiously think that it is not needed for them to be as attentive as he was five years ago. to us women it is probably more important of corse my suggestion is to talk to him tell him how you feel and maybe the wedding might bring back some lost or hidden emotions who knows good luck
2006-08-22 18:47:15 · answer #8 · answered by PAULINA S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Learning to know yourself is the most important thing. Get . with yourself and figure it out. Then tell him if you are or your aren't. Only you know. Be honest with your self.
2006-08-22 18:48:46 · answer #9 · answered by BGS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cant think that way .. if you have to ask yourself if you love him .. it means you dont really know.. and if you get married just cuase it wont work out .. you have to deeply love somone you shouldnt have to think twice..
you must not have alot of communication .. or somthing is making you think that way . your the only one who can trully answer this question ..
2006-08-22 18:46:02 · answer #10 · answered by lillypop07 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋