help please !?

Question

I am 33 my wife is 9 years younger
we argue about things i either have experience in or have have knowlege about and when she looses she feels belittled and turn tels me she hates me and that she doesn't think she loves me anymore takes off her ring and waits for me to apologize for belittling her
this usually happens every three month and i apologize each and every time and things go ok till the next time we argue she looses and tells me the same thing then waits for me to apologize.
i fell maybe she doesn't love me she got what she wanted and just wants to move on am i right ?

Answer 1

no. some people argue more logically than others when they're upset, that doesn't make them smarter. Your attitude towards your wife seems somewhat condescending and by lording your "experience and knowledge" over her IS belittling. Can you see that by "winning" your arguments, you are losing? Try to break the cycle you are in and try something different when you start arguing. Say something like, "I'm going to take a break and cool off" or "Is this really important to you? If not, I'd rather talk about something else."

Answer 2

She lacks maturity. Every one looses she needs to come to realization of that or she will always have malice in her. I know someone like her and he always has to win or hates when someone knows more than him if this is not what you mean then sorry for misreading

This is also what I might have read into it

as long as you dont belittle her mentally and physically then your ok but dont be doing this just to see her hurt

She may have a problem with jelousy. Meaning she doesn't like the fact that you are smarter then her and she may never like that unless she talks to someone about it and she needs to know that she has a problem so she can get over it. Talk to her and tell her look I may know a little something but theres stuff you will always know more of than me you can teach me something new every day. Dont down grade your self for her

but you are married to her so you have to make her feel good or leave

Answer 3

Seems to me it is all about immaturity. Life is too short to be on a constant battle. It sounds like you are living the roller coaster ride - many ups but more downs. No one should allow themselves to live like that. Yes, there will be arguments (I prefer to call them discussions), but respect for each other should never be lost. I strongly advise you to live peacefully with each other or YOU might be the one to decide to move on. If this continues it will get old and you will be miserable (if not already). By the way, I speak by experience. I was the victim and I had to change for my own peace of mind. I truly hope this helps you.

Answer 4

I think that she is acting imature and if that really is the case you should sit her down calmly when u guys arent argueing and explain to her how it makes a person feel when she does things of that sort but be patient with her, its like teaching a child and I think u should choose words carefully so she doesnt feel belittled and have another arguement with you, hopefully she will understand....good luck

Answer 5

Not enough info - are you arguing about important things or just run of the mill stuff? Do you belittle her as part of you way to win the arguement?
It sounds like some marriage counseling may be needed...

Answer 6

I am embarrassed to say that when i was her age I had a very bad temper and I would tell my b/f that I hated him too, just trying to hurt him. He would say the same kind of stuff back sometimes. ( He is only 4 yrs older than me). We eventually grew out of it and we have been together almost 13 years. Sometimes he would be very hurt and would give me the silent treatment and I would end apologizing 2 him. So hang in there she will mature.

Answer 7

That is really unhealthy for your relationship. Its actually quite selfish of her to play games like that. That is what she doing...playing a game with you. She only hates you when she loses in an argument. I cant comfortably tell you that is normal. I would seek marriage counseling soon, before its too late.
Its never right for a person in a marriage to threaten. Tell you they don't love you, that they hate you, and they don't want to be with you. Its unfortunate that she does that. Have you ever confronted her about it. Tell her that it hurts you when she says that? Like I said, I think you should seek marriage counseling. If anything to get her in there and help her realize that the way she is talking to you is wrong.

Answer 8

i think you should get to the belittling part. do you talk to her like she's younger... what sort of tone do you use? would you use that tone to a stranger in a line at a grocery store, for instance? your wife should be one with you- on your level... regardless of how much experience she has compared to you. she loves you or she better because she married you. but taking off her ring is immature, too. ask her if her vows meant anything to her. do you take your ring off if you argue? just try not to talk to her like a child because that really sets some ppl off....

Answer 9

Ultimately, you are missing the big picture.
You are not "winning" she is.
When it is all said and done you are the one apologizing and worried about her love for you.
You are loosing not her.
Call her bluff and don't apologize.
Sounds like a game of chicken every 3 months and you are a KFC special.

Answer 10

I don't think love has anything to do with it. Stubborness and control are the issues. She wants to control you by taking off her ring, it sounds pretty immature to me. Why argue at all? If you know you are right, what is the point of arguing? Especially when you know the outcome? Just agree to disagree and don't fight at all.