how am i supposed to deal with my husband telling me he wants a divorice?

Question

he came out of nowere and told me we have two kids and he wants to move out i dont know what i am going to do i cant afford all this by my self

Answer 1

Well, I was the one who told my husband I wanted out. I took the kids and left. I went home to mom for a few months.

First of all, be glad he came to you and said he wanted out instead of just leaving you and/or running off with someone else. My boyfriend and I (now) have a pact. We will never cheat on each other, but we will tell the other if we decide it is over. No disrespect, just honor each others wishes.

I have a disabled 14 year old son and a moody 11 year old girl. Not much fun! My ex has just reduced his child support to $50 per month for both kids (yep.. it's legal in Ohio to do that under certain circumstances). I have a part time job. When my kids were young, the YWCA paid for their child care expenses so I could work. My ex wants nothing to do with his kids. If your soon to be ex will share 50/50 you are blessed indeed!! He owes those kids his heart, let alone any money!!

If I can do it, you can too. I have no family other than a sick mom to go to in an emergency. I have medicaid for the kids, and food stamps help a little. I am not proud.. I will do whatever is best for my kids!

Try to accept that he has the right to tell you goodbye- Legally. Everyone who gets married had better realize that! I know it sucks morally and is totally unfair when you were true to your committment, but that is how it goes and in the long run, freedom is better than being forced to stay where you don't want to be. Honestly, I would have stayed together for the kids sake, but my ex was so mean to them I had to go. My kids asked me to leave their father and take them with me. I figured if even the kids were suffering, there was no good in my sticking it out for their sakes.

Grab all the dignity you can, tell him "fine, but you get half the kids and half the bills" and let him go. Never retaliate, never let him see you as anything but strong. He may in the end regret leaving such a fine strong woman, but it is his loss and your gain.

You can do it. Talk to friends, church leaders, politicians, and anyone else to get the help you need, but consider your ex 100% out of your life unless by some wonderful chance you can manage to save your friendship in all of this. In fact, try to make friendship your goal. If you can remain friends through this, every single person in your family will come out of this all the better. I wish I could have done that with my ex, but he refused.

Be ready for legal surprises too. You may not qualify for spousal support. Not many people do anymore. You may not get a lawyer unless you can PAY them! There are not many free lawyers out there. My Judge told my ex to pay certain credit cards, certain bills, child support, and most of my legal fees. To this day (4 years later) he has paid none of them. Supposedly he went to jail for 30 days unless he paid. He chose jail rather than paying. My ex had not paid child support in years (owes thousands to me) and then declared he had to go back to school, so Ohio had to let the child support be modified to $50 per month so in essence, his kids are paying for his education! You will run into crap like this all the way. Contempt means nothing! Jail means nothing (It especially means he gets free room/board/food and you get no money because "duh" he is in jail and can't work).

Again, if you can part friends, you have the best possible chance to get money, help, and an important babysitter when you need one (if he will share the kids time with you without having to regulate it legally). My boyfriend and his ex wife parted as friends and put the kids 100% as a priority to them both and it really worked well for everyone involved!

I am thinking good thoughts for you! I hope your divorce turns out well.

Answer 2

Men dont just come out of no where with such things. Something else is going on. He may have another lady out there waiting for him. You can afford it. You get child support from him. Im sorry to say that it sounds like he's cheating.
My husband and I were married for 2 years and we had a 6 month old little boy. I went on vacation to MT to visit my family. When I came back, he said he wanted a divorce. It was out of no where too. Then later on, I found out he had been messin around with his ex-girlfriend.
I say give him the divorce and get child support.

Answer 3

Alimony is the magic word , Child support . Let him move out . Let him go . He will pay for it in the end and if he doesn't then to jail he goes . It will cost him more then he bargained for when he leaves . and don't give into his lets do it the easy way BS ... That's how you get NOTHING , and he gets EVERYTHING. Let him know that he wants a divorce , he has to pay alimony , child support , half the house payment , bills , etc ... (LOL) and keep smiling .

Answer 4

are you serious you are a women right now you got it made, you get Half of his things, He has to pay twice the amount of child support, You get to let him watch the kids on the weekend, and you get to date other people. just make sure you keep him in check and see if he cheated on you. sorry if this sounds happy but i'm not happy, also i am sorry to hear about the divorice

Answer 5

I agree with amynicole, if he doesn't want counseling, he has already made up his mind, and if he just told you and you had no idea, it's probably too late to change anything. all of the other response are somewhat true, but there is more to a separation than just "getting half of everything and more money for the kids" yes, I've been there.

Answer 6

Have you ask him why he want one? My advice to you is if he wants one that bad HE SHOULD PAY for it not YOU. Plus, if the kids are young you can ask for child support which he should pay! While you at it make sure that you keep the house since you will need it for you and the kids. Always try to have the UPPER hand on this and never show him differant!

Answer 7

Get a lawyer and explain everything with him. That way he can tell you what he can do for you. Then if your husband still wants a divorce give it to him and let the lawyer get to work. Regardless of what your husband thinks, he's going to be paying for possibly your divorce fees from your lawyer, allimony for the kids, and maybe more.

Answer 8

tell him-- don't let the door hit you in the a** on your way out, f*** you and the horse you rode in on, and get help from family and friends to help you, find a cheaper place to live and don't look back because apparently he didn't care about you in the first place (speaking from experience after 9 years and three kids and am doing so much better!!!)

Answer 9

Let him go.. you can not make someone stay.. life is to short to make some one stay where they are not happy...
Go get help.. don't no if you can get food stamps and medical..
once you sign up they will go after him for child support and you can get spouse support..

It is scarey at first to be alone.. but.. people will help you along the way...

Answer 10

He obviously isn't happy I would kick his **** out of the house, get me a good lawyer, cause 1/2 of all you have is yours plus you get the kids and he get to pay for support - yippee - you'll have more money then ever!