Women 40 & over-Trying to concieve, very depressed, crying?

Question

I just turned 41, been trying to convieve for 5-yrs., boyfriend won't do his test, says it's to embarrassing, doctor says I'm fine but can't do much without him being tested. Fertility clinic says I should do a sperm donor but although they do test for STD'S I'm just afraid of what I don't know that can show up later on. I tried Chlomid-3 cycles, made my period go crazy for almost a year, each time I try Chlomid, now I am bleeding on and off for the past 3 mon. Meantime I'm in a job that just isn't me, job market is scare, afraid to move on into something else, people are nice here, 2-cats I had for years both died within a year of each other of cancer, boyfriend of 15 yrs. annoces, to late, that he has to mcuh debt to have kids, to old to look for a new man, friends are all moved, married and moved on. I feel alone, I cry all the time, everytime I see someone pregnant or with kids, I think I'll never be married, have children and never hear the word "mom", now what?, what's left ?

Answer 1

Adoption. I know that it isn't the same as actually being pregnant but if you cannot get pregnant on your own then you should really consider adoption. I have found a few websites for adopting kids from foreign countries. Just think. There is a child out there that is in an orphanage and needs a good mom. Someone who will love then and take care of them and be there for them. It sounds like you have a great heart but you are just going through a rough time. Look at the websites and just think about it. Also they do let single women adopt. You do not have to be married so don't let that stop you.

www.abcadoptions.com
www.adoption.com
adoption.about.com
www.adoption.org

Answer 2

I am really sorry to say thing b/c it's going to sting a little but you are stuck in this life you describe only b/c you have allowed it. You say you are too old to find a new boyfriend. That is B U L L S H I T! You have stayed with thi sguy who doesn't and won't give you what you want and that is no body's fault but your own. It's time to be on a new path of self improvement. I would consider the Sperm Donor route if your bf is not willing to get tested. You may feel alone but you aren't - you never are. Crying doesn't give you the life you want......making a change might. You have to look at which has better odds. You can have what you want but you must act now.

Answer 3

There are a lot of options left!!! You are never "too old" to have new choices and new paths in life...let me just make that clear. It is hard to see what is on the other side when you are down and out, but I really think you should seek professional services with a counselor or a social worker. They can sit down with you and show you a world of possibilities. At 41 your life may be just beginning! You can be a mother, you can be anything you want to be. You can be married, you can have things you always wanted. There are resources in your community, there are also places you can go to learn to cope in the mean time while you search for better opportunities for work, relationships, friends, support, grief counseling for your animals, stress management. You would be surprised what can happen pregnancy wise, when you lower your stress! I am a social work intern and would love to help you find some resources in your area as any helping professional would. Take a deep breath, wipe your eyes, straighten your shoulders and say "I can do this". Contact me by clicking on my avatar.

Answer 4

Hello, Im a mother of five and my youngest is now 2. I'm 40 but have had other children so conception wasnt hard. However, since you havent had children prior to now, you may have a harder time concieving a child, but it doesnt mean that you wont or couldnt.
The bf, well it sounds like excuses to me that he doesnt want children right now.
As for being too old to find a new bf, youre not. You actually have a better chance at finding one now that you are older, that is if you dont mind one that is a few years younger like mine. there are plenty of men out there and many of those want a child or two but are looking for a woman that will be there and not run off.
Women are getting pregnant into their fifties in todays world so there is nothing to say that you cant and wont have that baby you want.
If having one naturally doesnt happen, then you have invetro and adoption. There are plenty of children out there that need parents, even just one parent if you dont mind adopting an older child.
Just have faith in yourself and keep taking care of you and the child you are seeking will come when its your time.

Good luck!!!

Answer 5

I am so sorry to hear that you are so sad. I do not think you are too young to start over with a new man. I'm surprised that he is just now realizing that he is too in debt to have kids....I dont think anyone is ever TRULY financially prepared for children. Maybe talk to him more and assure him that the tests for men are done all the time. It almost sounds like he is making excuses to not have children. You sound so depressed, you need to talk to someone. I hope there is a friend you can call for help. I do wish you the best and of course happiness.

Answer 6

First and most important thing-Don't be depressed.Studies shows that depression is bad for females trying to get pregnant.You talked about all the negative things in your life..But I am so sure there are equal no.of positive things too around you which you are not even looking at.Try to be happy..Talk to your boyfriend,share your feeling if truely loves you he might understand..I know you badly want your old child but adoption is also something you can consider..I know its a hard decision..

And like you mentioned other things-Friends moved on-If you are so unhappy who wants to be your friend.Be happy-Try to make new friends,do some voluntree work may be in your community with kids.We can only suggest--

Its up to you if you want to live a miserable life or take what you have and make it better for you..

Answer 7

i know how you feel why? because i feel that way too i am 34 yrs married for 12 yrs married or not,,,,,,,, 40 or in your 30's we all feel this way ,,,,,,,,how? well depress, sad, feelings of not feeling complete as a women,,,i feel like that and crying your self to sleep saying why me? how can this be happening to me?,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,yes i know and like you when i see pregnant women i think god will i ever be happy surrounded by my own children and thinking its so easy for other women to just get pregnant when ever they want too.
seeing everyone in my family going on with their lives and my life has stopped , but i need to keep trying untll i can't anymore i' ve been going to the doctor only two yrs now i know i started late they say i have pcos don't really ovulate i guess,,,,,husband is fine, i really feel your boyfriend needs to get his self check and if he didn't want any children why but why did he not tell you this soonner?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!? the money he says well ,,do you think its excuses? thats weird and i know its easier said then done but its never to late to start over you are still young and living with someone that doesn't have that same wish that you have of having a baby,,, then think of to yourself can you live like this for the rest of your life? maybe he is embarassed then do that thing were he can do it at home then you take it the doctor ? don't give up sometimes i want to but i just say to myself no keep trying so later in life i won't regret it and say to myself i should of tried ? i am so sorry you are going through that with a boyfriend that doesn't support you,,,i also took clomid 3 times and have been on meriformn for 1 yr and nothing? i hope we get that blessing we all want ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but if not adopt in state where you live and it doesn't cost a lot tell your boyfriend ! good luck ,

Answer 8

At one time, when I was trying to conceive, my doctor told me that fertility testing should start with the man, because it is cheaper, and most of the time it is low sperm count. And yes, I am sure it is embarrassing for a man, but, not for mine because I still did all the work. We were able to collect sperm samples at home, I was the one who took the samples to the doctors and hospital. Sure enough, he had a problem, and he agreed to the surgery, and within 3 months, I was pregnant.

Answer 9

I have flet that way too and it was like everywhere there were parents with kids but not me. it took 2 1/2 yrs for us and our son will be turning 4 soon. Have you thought about adopting? Keep trying to concieve. I was 37 when I finally got pregnant. i know you probably dont want to hear that either. I dont know your whole life or situation but try to work with what you do have and talk to your DR. your boyfreind souns like the hold up in this situtation that you do tell and does he love you enough to do it is the question?

Answer 10

You need to get a hold of yourself and your life as no one else will do it for you. Depression CAN inhibit the ability to get pregnant. This guy of yours may be trying to hide something. I knew a lady who tried and tried and did pretty much everything you did, and it finally came out that her man had been "fixed." Why this butt head wasn't just honest with her, I don't know. So making you happy is not important enough for him to get tested, WAKE UP!!!!