What would you do?

Question

Please only serious answers.
If you loved your partner and there was no way that you could finish with him, but he wouldn't want to have children, but having children is one of you biggest dreams, what would you do?
Please be honest.
I desperately want a child and it would be the perfect time for me now, but my partner keeps saying that he is not ready yet and that he doesn't want children. I will definetely not leave him, but what else can I do?

We are not married, but are thinking about it.

Answer 1

The sad reality is that partners can come and go but children are yours forever,if he wont have a child with you and its definitely what you want more than anything then I think you have to give him an ultimatum,either he has a child with you now or you feel you have to move on.
If you are still young enough and can wait a few years then do so,maybe he will change his mind.
However don't miss out on your chance to have children for his sake,just in case you and him do not last the course;it may sound cruel but its true.
The worst thing would be to wait until its too late and then regret it.
I wish you lots of luck whatever you decide to do !

Answer 2

Well a lot would depend on the age of you both, maybe your partner just wants to have a bit more time just the two of you, another factor how long have you been a couple ? these are probably two major questions that need to be answered before you can decide on the future as regards you relationship. Why is now the perfect time for you ?, isn't that being a tadge selfish ? having a child is a big decision to undertake for any couple a lot of factors have to be thought of such as long term employment, living accommodation, i think that you need to sit down with your partner and discuss the matter further because from you initial question he hasn't said no, just that he is not ready yet we all adjust in time maybe he just needs that time and not be suffocated with the pressure to start a family, whatever you decide i wish you all the best.

Answer 3

Be honest with yourself and your partner. .

It is important to sit down and literally "map out" the next five years of your lives. This means financially, emotionally, location, occupations. Talking about this will give you both a better understanding of each other, as well as ease his apprehensive stand on having a baby. He may be concerned with the various issues that come with parenting (money, religion, time, sex, etc) so ease his mind and tell him how you will both deal with it when you're ready.

Regardless of his reasons, and assuming you are young enough to wait for him to be ready, give him the time he needs to feel "ready". If you have a good and healthy relationship, that time will definitely come. But until then, enjoy your life with him and have patience.

That is all you can do. If your partner is not ready to have children, it is reasonable to say that the best choice is to wait until he is ready.

Answer 4

Hmmm well you've obviously talked about it, and you really want kids? well... just wait that lil bit longer - and don't nag ya know? and maybe letting him think about it himself will somehow encourage him to the idea of kids - im not saying this will work but its a possibility
Maybe you should marry first before of thinking of the "children" idea, that way when you do have a kid its brought into a family rather than a couple...
He will want children at some stage, might not like the idea at the moment but he will in due time..
Of course you can try talking to him again but then otherwise he might end up giving up into the idea but not really wanting the kid in the first place....

Answer 5

Thank goodness that he is being honest with you. Do not take everyone else advise to just accidentally get pregnant, it will cause you great heartache and possible raising a child on your own. You must leave this guy and find someone who has the same values and wants a family. It will be hard, but in the long run when your holding your new baby, you will realize it was all worth it. Good Luck.

Answer 6

I think the point you should focus on is, "he doesn't want to have children .....yet"

It would be wrong, and probably fatal to your relationship if you were to "accidentally" fell pregnant. He might also be desperate to be a dad, but terrified of messing it up.

What is his own relationship with his own father? It will probably go a long way to answering the question of why he feels he's not ready. You could also try babysitting for friends and watching how he interacts with children. He might be absolutely useless, or he could be brilliant, but you'll never know unless you talk about it...... to each other!

Answer 7

Honey that is not something small like: I want french fries but he wants a salad. That is a huge decision that should not be taken lightly. So you love him, what does love have to do with it? I am a mother and there is nothing in the world I would rather be. Children are a beautiful thing honey. Be true to you, and honest with Him. I believe you need to take this to the Man upstairs in the most sincere way. Good luck with your decision sweetheart. Please know that we all have choices to make in life, but we must be willing to deal with the consequences of those choices as well. Make the right choice.

Answer 8

You both want different things in life, You love him for the wrong reasons.. you want to start a family and he doesn't.. your biological clock is ticking and the longer you stay with him the less chance of you getting pregnant cos he don't want any..

I'm sure if you're that desperate to have children then LEAVE.

Answer 9

If you really love each other, talk over your feelings together, because there may be a reason from his past that is putting doubts in his mind about having children. It's not worth giving your relationship up over something that can be resolved. I'm sure given time you will be able to resolve this. My heart goes out to you! I can sympathise with you. I hope your future works out for you, which i'm sure it will as talking will resolve alot.

Answer 10

You really need to sit and tell your partner this. This is tough, because you say you won't leave him. I guess, if he is that serious about not wanting children, your going to have to decide what's more important to you, the relationship or children.
Good Luck