My blood family--not what I concider to be my real family--had a death. My uncle and aunt adopted me when I was fifteen. I was verbally abused by my aunt. My cousins had grown up with that behavior pattern, so they use me as a verbal punching bag. My uncle died in December and it's his birthday today. I'm torn with wanting to call my former abuser to see if she's all right, but I don't want to get involved with them. I don't want to put me down any longer. I have gone away from their house feeling like I was less than **** and now I really don't want to experience those feelings again. I know that they are dysfunctional and I was just the target child, but understanding can only go so far. I start to believe what is said. I've studied this in school but I really need advice. What would you do? Would you go back to the abuser or would you just let it go and let the higher power make sure she's okay? It's not like she has no one--she has all my cousins and their families.
2006-08-22 10:19:28 · 11 answers · asked by Elizabeth S 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I was really mistreated by my step-grandmother and after it ate me alive year after year, I just decided to let her go... I was always the bad one in her eyes and becoming a well rounded adult didn't seem to change her mind about me. I see her rarely and smile and say hi, then go about my business.
Now comes the point where you have to think about how calling her will affect YOU. I know it sounds selfish, but if you think she's gonna be abusive and mean and tear you up again, don't call.... but if it is going to eat you up inside if you dont.... just call her and be prepared to hang up if she gets out of line. And I mean the SECOND she gets out of line.. Just keep the fact in mind that she's not all alone in her grief.
2006-08-22 10:28:32 · answer #1 · answered by sarah_lynn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In some ways this isn't about your aunt, this is about what will make you feel best. If there is something inside of you that feels that you need to check on her then do it or you will regret it and the guilt will eat you up inside and be way worse than dealing with former abuse. You are a different person now, stronger, and able to deal with and understand the nature of what happened in the past. This means you have all the tools at hand if you just keep your composure to deal with the present.
2006-08-22 17:23:42 · answer #2 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want to touch base with her just send her a sympathy card that says you are thinking about her during this time and you hope all is as well as can be. This way you have done your part by atleast letting her know that she did not break your spirit or your caring ways and you can sleep at night that you put your personal feelings aside long enough to be concerned. I commend you for still wanting to make sure that she is ok after all that you have had to go through. You are surely a strong person.
2006-08-22 17:23:57 · answer #3 · answered by lvb524 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you're asking this question, then inside you feel you should call but you'd rather not and for good reason. Fair enough. So what it comes down to is, what would make YOU feel better? Which is the lesser of two evils?
2006-08-22 17:25:02 · answer #4 · answered by Avid 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a decision only you can make. You can be the bigger person and call and express your sympathies. Or you can still be a big person and let it go. Noone can decide that but you hon. Good luck
2006-08-22 17:21:17 · answer #5 · answered by Gayle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can say what is in your heart without
making yourself a target
by sending her a card in the mail.
Protect the tender person that is asking this question.
Good Luck.
2006-08-22 17:30:28 · answer #6 · answered by susieque 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have been through a lot in your young life. It would show a lot of maturity for you to contact the family and give them your condolences. Good luck and I hope you have a happy life.
2006-08-22 17:26:12 · answer #7 · answered by loser 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not go back to these people! Evidently they never cared about your feelings anyway! If you feel like you must do something,then send them a sympathy card.
2006-08-22 17:22:54 · answer #8 · answered by str8song 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
just call her and say something like "i was thinking about your husband today, and I really miss him. I'm sorry, and tell me if theres anything i can do." well, thats cheezy, but oh well. and just calling her doesnt mean ur getting involved again, does it? btw, im sry about ur situation and hope ur out of it.
2006-08-22 17:22:42 · answer #9 · answered by meg *__* 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
let it go stay away from them.its nice u r thinking of her but your better not getting mix up with them again.good luck
2006-08-22 17:26:09 · answer #10 · answered by paul l 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋