What should I do about my husband?

Question

My husband refuses to have sex with me, I have asked him if there is a problem with us or if he is cheating and he says no. I am seriously thinking about having an affair, but I really do not want to.

Just so you all know, I have not cheated, I am just at a loss on what else to try

Answer 1

Don't cheat, get a divorce. Cheating will fill you with guilt and that guilt will destroy you. It is really hard to imagine a man that refuses to have sex with his wife. He needs to tell you why he won't have sex with you so you two can deal with it and solve the problem or he needs to let you have a divorce so you can go forward with your life and enjoy all that love has to offer you.

Answer 2

I can understand your dilema but an affair is not the answer, trust me on this I know what I am talking about. I once thought as you do and I cheated on my wife, that was the WORST thing I have done in my life. You have no idea how much you will hurt your husband if he finds out, (they always do) Best thing you can do is talk to him and let him know that intimacy is an important part of your needs. Be specific let him know how often, how long, what positions etc. if he can't or won't meet your needs ask for a reason. If his excuse is a good one, maybe both of you could work on fixing the problem. If not, then let him know that you can't live this way and the best thing is to file for a divorce. Break it off clean, no hurting, fighting or hiding. An affair is not what you are looking for! Good luck with your marriage, we saved ours so there is hope for your!

Answer 3

An affair is definitely not the answer. You have to find out what the real issue is here. Start the conversation and don't let it drop until you have an answer. Until then nothing will change. Just saying there isn't a problem (which there obviously is) and that he's not cheating gives you essentially no information at all. Just tell him that this will be resolved because you aren't going to live your life without sex and its unrealistic to keep thinking it can just be avoided and go on like this forever.

Answer 4

Do you really want to have an affair? Do you love and respect yourself? Be very careful. Do you have a relationship with God? Can you afford a PI?
There has to be a reason why your husband doesn't want to have sex. God has given woman the tremendous gift of intuition. 99% of the time, if you suspect your husband is having an affair, he is. Just make sure he is not on the DL (down low), that could be very detrimental. Your case also if you have an affair. You must be very careful of STD's, including HIV and AIDS.
Love yourself first, know the truth, then pray, wait on God before you act. With thoughts you can choose, with actions, you can regret for the rest of your life.
How old is your husband? Does he have any medical problems?
Be truthful with yourself, because you knew the truth when you asked the question. Think about what your relationship is like now, what it was like when you first met, and what kind of person your husband was before you started having a relationship with him.
Will marriage counseling help?

Answer 5

Well men can't usually go that long without sex so he's getting it somewhere. I know you don't want to think about that but sometimes you have to look at all the possibilities. Does he leave the house and stay gone a long time for no reason? Does he even kiss you anymore? Does he accuse you of cheating on him alot? These are all signs of guilt and he may feel bad that he cheated but he doesn't want to tell you.

Answer 6

He doesn't have to be cheating on you, maybe he's just bored with the same stuff over and over. Also does he have a desk job or does he labor, because desk jobs makes the men (and women) more lazy and laziness is anti sex... try some activities, walking, jogging, try change of scenery even a cheap motel at the end of the street, but on sexy cloths without asking for sex..
Try and try, if nothing works leave him with or without divorce but DO NOT CHEAT, it will get worse and you will end up leaving him anyway.

Answer 7

He may or may not be. My first husband wanted it three times a time, my current husband can go three or four months without. He often says he is tired (works full time and we have a 22 month old). I really don't believe he is cheating; but sometimes I wonder.

The best advice I can give is to never assume anything that you have no evidence of because, as they say, assuming makes an "*** out of u and me."

Answer 8

All of these ladies talking about not getting sex is crazy !!!! Let's see........I'm 35 and my gf is 43 and we've been together over 4 years and the sex is OFF THE FREAKIN' CHARTS !!!!!! Multiple times a day, 5 or 6 days a week. I can't get enough of her and she can't get enough of me. The physical attraction is there (she's way hot) and our relationship away from the sex is the best I've ever had. I think when the relationship itself is good, then it just makes the sex that much better and more frequent.

All of you poor girls. Just find the right man !!!!

Answer 9

Be more direct, ask him why he does not want to have sex with you. Do not have an affair at this point. He may have a medical problem. Some medication lowers the sex drive > Is he on any medicine ?

Answer 10

It's possible that he isn't positive he wants to be with you. I have that situation now. I haven't cheated physically, but I probably have intellectually and emotionally. In my case the guilt of not being sure that I still want to be with her makes me not want to have sex with her. Maybe I'd feel like I was taking advantage, using her for sex even when I'm not even sure if I love her. Sex for most women indicates love, I believe, and it feels dishonest to continue giving her signals that everything is okay when it isn't, when I still have a lot of things in my head that I need to work out.