Is it cheating when you are separated?

Question

My husband and I were separated for six months. We are back together 7. This woman calls me and says that she was seeing him when we were separated. I asked, "And your point?" She said that she thought that I should know. Should i care?

Answer 1

As long as you are legally married then it is cheating. It is still adultery, and it is still a sin in God's eyes.

But nobody can tell you if you should care or not. That depends on YOUR mind set. If yall have worked out your problems and reconciled your differences and he is making a positive improvement in yall's marriage then I would say talk to him about it, tell him that you know, and that you forgive him for his infidelity.
Sounds like this other woman is just trying to stir up trouble for you and your marriage. Don't let her do it. She sounds like maybe she is the one that he had the affair with and she is being vindictive.
Don't let HER win. He is your husband. You still love him and evidently he still loves you otherwise yall wouldn't have gotten back together to try to make it work.

Answer 2

I was separated and my wife cheated on me, but the fact we were still married made it cheating. As long as you are still married, it IS cheating. Being separated is not an excuse to go out and bang the first person that comes down the street! As long as you are married, you took vows to not do crap like that, so what is the problem? Once a person cheats on the other, it will never be the same. You will never be able to trust them again! I know, because I have lived with it for years, and I just don't have the words to express how I feel, and what a hole it left in my heart. That's about the same time I really understood country music. If you can ever put it behind you, then you will be doing something I haven't been able to do. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Depends.
Depends on what kind of agreement you two had. It is not surprising that HE thinks that all bets were off when it came to fidelity - nor surprising that you did not. Difference between men and women.

If you didn't have an agreement, then you may be hard-pressed to have an objection. Personally, I would think it was cheating - married is married, separated or not. A physical separation does not equal divorce and it doesn't put the marriage into a state of suspended animation. You were still married. (I knew a guy who didn't think it was cheating if he ony had his flings when he was "on the road" because he was "separated" then, from his wife - if only geographically.) But men - for the most part - don't see it that way. They think if there is any interruption to the marriage - then all bets are off during that "interruption."

What I would suggest is that you now make your husband get tested for STDs and HIV -- and you make him wear a condom until the tests results come back plus 6 more months when he gets another HIV test to make sure he is clean. That way you can ensure that YOU are going to be clean. It doesn't matter if you have already had sex since reconciliation - you still need to protect yourself until you know he is clean. He could become contagious during this time when he wasn't at the beginning.

Gee, that may make him think before he does this again.

And if there IS an "again" - have an agreement as to cheating.

Answer 4

Depends on the circumstances surrounding the separation. If it was a separation where you really thought it was over and that you weren't going to get back together, then I don't think you can hold it against him if he saw someone else.

If however it was a separation where you were trying to think about things but had intended to get back together (eg a trial separation type thing), what he did was wrong.

If you value honesty and he didn't tell you about the relationship himself, you also have problems - particularly if you asked him about this and he outright lied about it.

In any case, now that you know, you think about the physical implications of what he did (eg did he have unprotected sex with this other woman). You should think about being tested for STDs etc.

Answer 5

Having an affair during separation is not a cheating?

It was honest on her part to call you up and say that she had been seeing your husband when the two of you were separated. May be she is trying to create a chasm between you and your husband.

Anyhow, this incident should not affect your relationship with your husband since it happened during your separation. Neither of you would have thought that you two will be reunited again. So, forget what you heard of the incident and think of how to strengthen your lasting relationship and move ahead with yoour lives for the better.

Answer 6

Seperated means seperated from the marriage, He had every right to see other people, might not have been the smartest move, but yes, he was in his rights. There's only 2 reason for this woman to call you 1] she's trying to hurt you, so you will leave your husband, and she can grab me up 2] that she really thinks it's in your best interest to know he was seeing other women.

I think your "and your point" was the perfect answer to her question! Great come back. It's got to have hurt, but don't let it ruin your marriage. He was trying to get on with his life without you, so don't worry about what he did during that time. Caring and doing anything about it is two different things. Yes, I know it stung, but you should hold it against him. I wouldn't want to know, what he done or who he went out with. Focus all your energy and caring into making things work this time. Don't look back---look forward--to tommorrow and next week, next year, what happened then is in the past, and it needs to left there.

Can you move past this, I hope so, because if you can't you are coming to endanger of another separation....

God bless us all.............

Answer 7

I think you should expect that if you were separated he would have possibly been seeing other women. I think it's pretty clear this woman is still interested in him. This is why so many people say not to date people until they are actually divorced. She is now in the position of pursuing a married man if she wants the relationship, even though while she was dating him, he wasn't with you. I feel kind of bad for both of you. He must feel kind of weird about it too. I guess it's good you are back with him, but I'd have to wonder what was going on for those six months if I were you.

Answer 8

Your asking us if it was cheating might be the indication that it was. It would depend on what your commitments were to each other, during the separation, and the terms of reunion. If cheating was an issue during the marriage, or if he flat-out lied about his separation activities, I'd give this some thought. I would probably want to know that he was in the same place as me, and was missing me during separation, to even justify a reunion with him. What is "cheating" for one couple, may not be for another.

I think it's good that you gave the other woman no ammunition to use, by your treating the information as insignificant. She's a desperate idiot for dating a man who wasn't even divorced. I hope you told her she was just being used, while he couldn't have you.

Answer 9

Well, even if you are married and only separated for a time, technically he should not have seen someone else. But, when both of you separated, i don't think there's any ground rules on whether it's ok to see someone.

You're back with him now and that's all that matters. What happened in the past should be left there.

If anything, ask him to take a blood test, just to be safe.

Answer 10

She just wants to cause problems between you and your husband. I wouldn't care if my wife cheated because we were SEPERATED. I would think that's the entire point of a separation so you can move on and see other people while you ready your divorce papers and settlements.

Just brush it off. You would want him to do the same thing if you had seen someone else during the time you were separated.