Will it work?

Question

My husband and I got into a fight this morning. He doesn't have a job and I am supporting him and four kids on 300.00 a week. Yet he got mad at me for fussing. He got in my face and yelling and screaming at me and was throwing stuff. I am now scared of him. He said he is sorry and to give him a chance to make it up to me but I don't know. What should I do?

Answer 1

Well... I would consider his apology accepted, but it might be a good idea that you discuss with him how you really feel.

Getting in someones face and throwing things around should not be tolerated by either of you. I'm sure he is as stressed out about the situation as you are.

Some things to consider: Is he sincere with his apology? What type of stress does he have? Does he have a track record of the same behavior? What impact did it have on the kids? And most of all, going forward, are you really safe?

In your conversation with him, make sure you let him know what you will tolerate, and getting in your face and throwing things is not one of them. Your efforts to support your 4 kids and him is commendable and you should be proud. As the bread winner, I would think that while he might have a "back seat" drivers license, you're still in the drivers seat.

My advice is, give him some additional time to amend from his actions. Fighting can be scary and we may rush to conclusions to move to a comfort zone. I would think that you would still find the love for him somewhere. Monitor the signs though!

Drive carefully!

Answer 2

Need more info on this but there are some 'could be's'....why doesn't he have a job? With money being tight tensions can run extremely high for sure. Even more so if he's been trying to find a job but having difficulty getting one. In this scenario he would be feeling like he's not providing for his family and it's affecting him more than he is letting on to you and you should cut him some slack and work through it. As long as he didn't physically harm you or the kids I should say!

Or if he doesn't have a job because he'd rather sleep until noon, watch T.V. all day and drink all night then you have a more serious problem and should wait to see if he wants to change for the better by changing himself and become a more loving parent/husband who provides for his family. In either case you should both go together and speak to a counsellor (you can usually find free counselling programs for all kinds of issues). If he truly is sorry and loves you and your children he will willingly make the changes necessary, including counselling. Good luck.

Answer 3

I don't know the reason that he doesn't have a job, whether it's by circumstance or choice, but he is probably feeling frustrated and "less of a man" because he isn't doing what he needs to be doing to support his family. My husband was off work for months due to an injury and I was the only one working and I also make 300.00 a week. He was quite the grouch for a while until we finally talked about it and he realized that it wasn't his fault he got hurt. I also explained to him that I am his help mate, as he is mine, and that it was ok for me to be supporting us when he needed to be off of work to recover. I just kept reassuring him that it wasn't his fault, that he was still the same man to me that he was when he was working and that I loved hem whether he was working or not. He also told me he felt guilty that I was the one doing all the work for him and our seven children.
So just talk to him. I know that him screaming and yelling and throwing things was not right and I am in no way shape of form saying that you should accept abuse from him. If it continues or becomes physical then you need to get you and your kids out. I was just trying to explain that maybe the angry outburst came from you "fussing" at him and in his mind you were just adding another reason for him to feel bad about himself. Remember, men have VERY fragile egos and it doesnt' take much for them to feel this way. Good luck Sweetie and hang in there. Eventually (hopefully) he will get back to work and some of the pressure will ba taken off of you.

Answer 4

You don't say why your husband doesn't have a job, but I do know that for most men their sense of worth is tied to their careers. Men generally feel a need to provide for their families and it may be stressing him out if he is trying to find a job and can't or is unable to work for health reasons. Even more than stress, it may make him feel like he is worthless or less of a man. This could be the underlying reason for his recent "explosion." I wouldn't hold it against him if it was an isolated incident, and he didn't hurt anyone. Try to see things from his perspective and be understanding that he may feel very badly about himself right now. Of course if his behavior becomes increasingly threatening then get yourself and your kids to a safe place right away.

Answer 5

That's tough.
Is he supporting the family in other ways?
Cooking? Cleaning? Babysit?
Stuff to take the burden off of you, even though it's not financial.

Men are generally the providers, I think he got upset because he's not doing anything to support you financially.

Personally, I wouldn't be afraid if this was his one & only breakdown. I would let him know that my children cannot see him rant & rave.
Lastly, I would give him 30 days to find a job or go for public assistance which he'll have to pay back eventually.

Good Luck! Don't forget to pray.

Answer 6

Forgive him. You guys are under a lot of stress. Hopefully he is applying for work all over the place. You guys need to talk, get a plan, get focused make a budget and stick to it. You have a lot of responsibility with 4 kids and I do believe it might be impossible to survive on $300 per week. You need income from him too. Even if he has to take a temporary job it is essential that he get to work immediately. His self esteem is probably at a low point and you need to encourage and support him in his quest for a job.

Answer 7

Since this is the first time he offended you, there is no harm giving him another chance. After all, he is the father of your four kids. Why don't you talk to him. He might be so frustrated with himself because of the fact that you are the one supporting the family. Sometimes, it just takes communication to understand each other's feelings.

P.S. Do you nag a lot?

Answer 8

Why ain't the lazy bum working?Your the women you should stay at home if you want and his butt should be out there working!And he wants to treat you like that when if it wasn't for you your whole family would be on the streets.Id dump that looser and quick he should be rubbing your feet every night cooking dinner and bringing it to you,treating you like you should be treated with some respect and appreciation.Id have his bags packed and id tell him when you can learn to appreciate me and everything i do for this family while you sit on your big ole butt and grip or you come back with a job then maybe we can get back together but until then see ya and don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!!

Answer 9

You and hubby need to sit down and have a chat, without the kids if possible. You need to talk with him about how you feel about the situation, and he needs to tell you how he feels too, get everything out on the table so you can clear the air. You really need to let him know what's what.
He needs to get a job, something, anything, even if it's washing windows to do his part, we aren't made to support a man and a family, he needs to get a grip.

Answer 10

Hey we all get upset and mad at times. He might be upset because he is not working and other things that home Dads get upset about.

Talk it out and tell him you got really scared. You got four kids he is home with if it was really bad wouldn't you get scared for them.

Talk it out without yelling and listen without saying the big BUT. The word BUT just F--- everything up.

Talk