My daughter is a nightmare?

Question

I have an eleven year old daughter who is taking me to the edge of insanity. Briefly, I had her when I was 16...too early to be a good mother. Her father and I went through a heated custody battle...I got full custody. Since she has been in school we have had major behavior issues. She has seen a therapist, and that didnt help. I now have two other children with my fiance, and she hates him for no reason. He really tries to connect with her. but has not been able to for the past 9 years. It got so bad I gave into to her and her father and let her move in with him. She will come to visit, but not before I am called every nasty word in the book. I have tried to have a calm conversation about her feelings, but nothing has changed. I dont want her behavior and attitude to rub off onto my other two children...what do I do? Sometimes she makes me so angry and hurt I just want to give up on her, but I cant.

ljs,
another dumbass who can't spell

Answer 1

You daughter has a serious problem here because children just don't act out for no reason. Try a different therapist it can't hurt. She has some problems beneath the surface that maybe she feels that she can't talk about them to you so she acts out to express this emotions. Your daughter may hate your fiance because she sees you with the other two children and all of you seem so happy. She might be thinking that those two children are happy and they their dad what can't I have my dad on a regular bases and be happy. So she has some bad feels toward him for that. You need to let here move back in and work with her because the judge didn't give you full custody without a good reason. It's not right to for your daughter to cuss at you. You have to put foot down and say I am your mother and will not talk to me that way and if she gets angry so what she will come around one day. Even if your daughter makes you angry don't give up on her its part of being a parent. Just continue to love and show her you want the best for her because one day she come around and say even though I acted mean and disrespectful my mother never gave up on me and I love her for that.
Let me know how it goes or email me anytime if you want to talk
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Answer 2

I've been in a similar situation and here's what I learned. Almost every child of separated parents secretly hopes his or her parents will get back together no matter how bad the relationship was. They take it out on the person they see as a threat... the step parent. Plus at 11, she's going through the hormonal changes that make a girl moody. Although that is no excuse for the lack of respect she is showing you. Her father needs to support you in this area and both of you need to teach her that name calling is disrespectful and not acceptable.

Don't give up! As hard as it is, the more she tries to push you away, the more you need to show her you love her. She will eventually get over her feelings of anger towards you.

By the way, I was 17 when I had my daughter, and age doesn't make a parent good or bad. I've seen parents in their 40's with children that act like satan's spawn!

Answer 3

There is nothing you can do but wait. While I was going through basic training both of my sisters, one right after the other, treated my mother the same way.

They both ended up leaving in the middle of the night. That was back in 1999. Now they both act like they are my mothers best friends..

My fiancee and her sister both treated their mother badly when they were growing up, and they admit it freely.

All you can do is wait. For some reason unknown to me females do not get along when they have to live with each other for any extended amount of time when one of them is a teenager.

Your daughter will lie to you. She will curse at you. She will disrespect you and your husband and everything about you simply because she feels ready to move out and live on her own, or in your case with her bio-dad.

Weather the storm, be a better person, blind yourself to the hate and eventually she will come around. They always do. Keep in mind that what you are hearing from her may be the result of things that her father is telling her and has been telling her since before she moved in with him. =(

Sorry that you have to deal with this. =(

Answer 4

Your first mistake was unprotected sex at 16. From there it is rare that a relationship that starts that way will be successful. Now once you are alone raising your daughter, the right thing to have done is put raising her first. Putting your social life on the back burner until that was accomplished is whats right to do. Instead you have shown her to have premarital sex and bring more children into the world without a marriage first. You are giving her the wrong idea of what a "relationship" should look like. The conflicts she is having are caused by poor decisions on your part. She is acting out due to the fact you made it clear that YOU come first in your thought process not her. Hopefully . she can overcome being raised this way. You need to read "Ten stupid things women do to mess up their lives" and "Stupid things Parents do to mess up their kids" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Good luck to you and more importantly your daughter and other children.

Answer 5

i am glad you wont give up on her and alittle upset that you had her when you were 16,but people make mistakes.i think she went threw alot with her father and you but i was a wild child too,i drove my mom crazy to the point she locked her self in the bathroom and i would bang my fists on the door till my fists were bleeding.but she never let me go and now i am a complete oppisite and hate to see my mom upset,my advise is if your other kids act up like her,give as much disaplin as possible and dont let the"nightmare"get away just be super hard on her and watch what she does p.s; i got better and i didnt need a therapist or pills or any source of help,except my parents.

Answer 6

First of all, stop labelling her - that leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sounds like you haven't given her any stability - first you had her so young, and you didn't learn from that. Then you went on and had two more kids without you being married, so don't blame your daughter and say she hates him "for no reason". You have not provided this girl with love, caring, and the emotional necessities of life. I think you need to take some parenting classes and watch some Supernanny.

Answer 7

Get into family counseling, and do not let her make you feel guilty. Don't let her destroy your life. she is a child with problems. get her help, and make it clear to her she is no more important to you than the other children you have. she is not aloud to make life miserable for you or anyone in your home when she visits. her acting out can not be rewarded with attention, or it will never change, she will always run the house!

Answer 8

for 9 yrs?? like when she was 2??? there was a serious problem that u should've noticed and solved from the beginning. anyways it's never too late and this is a difficult age so just bear it a bit until she's older and talk to her about it..

good luck

Answer 9

Get her into a therapist or counselor and maybe send her too a boarding school or a behavioral school

Answer 10

Children don't act like this for no reason. Is it possible that the fiance or anyone else ever abused her, either sexually or physically? Whether or not she has been abused, it sounds like she needs to see a psychiatrist regularly.