I'm beginning to wonder if this woman is really my friend?

Question

We are both mid 30s. She is unhappily married with 3 kids, a live-in nanny with a huge house and plenty of money. I am single with two kids, live in an apartment and generally just get by. I have managed to open college accounts for my kids but have no other savings. I work full time and go to school part time.
She constantly critisizes me that i don't spend enough time with my kids and belittles my home when she comes over. Her kids are badly behaved and she just ignores their behavior. She can't stand her husband but brags about him and their belongings all the time. She'll come over and eat as much food as she wants, even when I don't have much. She calls me fat (I'm 5'3" and weigh 123lbs, she's 5'5' and looks to be about 160lbs but I'm not sure) and offers to buy me a gym membership but never follows thru. She denigrates my boyfriend of 2 years because he doesn't make a lot of $ (around 40k) and says I could do better, but then she flirts outrageously with him when she drinks.

I know she has few friends so I would feel bad about abandoning her, but I hate the way she makes me feel about myself and my life.

Answer 1

SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. Tell her to **** off. I would.

Answer 2

No, she's not a good friend; it sounds like she is using you to make herself feel better about her own situation. Constant criticism is tough to take, especially if you know that her own marriage isn't happy. "Things" don't last, people do. She sounds like the sort of person who can only be tall if they cut other people's heads off. Let her go. Find something else to do; make some new friends. Be "too busy" to hang out with her. Tell her you need to spend some quality time with your kids, so you can't go around with her so much anymore. Good luck and have a good life.

Answer 3

A true friend would not say or do anything to make someone feel less of a person, and that's what she is doing to you. She may not have many friends, but who would want to be friends with her? She's bringing a lot of negative energy your way, and you don't need that especially since you are in school and have a family to raise. She should be supporting you, not criticizing everything you do. I think that you should part ways from her and focus on your studies and your children.

Answer 4

It depends on your definition of a friend. My definition of a friend is someone who likes me and makes me feel good about myself. If this were someone I knew, I probably wouldn't call her a friend. She sounds more like a charity case. She's rich but emotionally, she seems bankrupt. She has all the material things a person could want, but she is ignoring her problems and pointing out what she thinks are your problems.

edit: I agree with the others who have said you shouldn't be her friend. Until she is willing to help herself, she isn't going to have a better life. She doesn't even seem to notice a problem with her lifestyle. This will probably only bring you down.

Answer 5

Anyone who constantly criticizes you and belittles you and makes you feel bad about yourself is definitely not your friend. Instead she is unhappy with her life and is using you to make herself feel better. A lot of people find comfort in making others feel bad.....misery loves company. A true friend is honest with you but they also accept who you are and is always there to support you not belittle you. Do not worry about abandoning her...she is using you. In life you have to make yourself happy because no one else is going to do that. Someone may be able to add to your happiness but you are ultimately responsible for your own happiness. If someone or something makes you feel bad or unhappy make adjustments where you see fit. Always ask yourself what the pros and cons of something is and make a decision based on the results. Good Luck!!!!

Answer 6

Sweety, you need to have a girl pow wow with your so called friend. She needs to hear everything you told us here today and if she can't stand hearing the truth, oh well!! She is in no position to judge you, when all your trying to do is make the best living that you can for you and your kids and live life! Tell her like it is and if she is your friend she will get of her high horse and treat you with some respect!

Answer 7

Honestly, honey, this lady sounds like a real *****. I would definately hang out with her and her children less or as little as possible. You (as does everyone) deserve to have friends who care for you and love you the way you are. It may seem cruel but you deserve a better friend then someone who tears you down all of the time.

Answer 8

You sound like a nice person, why would you let her treat you like that tell her flat out that if she can't say something to lift you up then you're going to have to put her down as a friend and start yelling at her kids when they do bad it's your house.

Answer 9

A true friend wouldn't treat you like that. Just be blunt with her and tell her that what she says is mean and hurtful and if she continues then you are going to end the friendship. Don't feel sorry for her cuz it is her big mouth that is causing the problems. Good luck.

Answer 10

Ma'am, no need to wonder on this one. One word: leave. Anybody who comes to your home and insults you on your own grounds make you both look foolish, her; for having the audacity to do it, and you for having to take it. Do not pity a person because of his/her lack of friends, he/she probably has a reason for it. The only way she can realize she needs to change is by looking at her relationships break. Se isn't your friend. She's a snob with no sense of propriety.

Answer 11

Get over not wanting to abandon this HEFFA. She does nothing but belittles your life. Are you kidding me. I understand your life completely because I lived it and for someone who doesnt have a clue to come along and bash it is pure BULLSH*T. She has few friends for a reason. She is a snob and thinks she is the sh*t. Congrats and good luck to you. Drop the loser...she adds nothing positive to your life ....or do you see her as charity work (smile)