can someone help me understand thi?

Question

ok so we were friends. he was younger to me, i was married, he used to listen to me and was sensitive to my problems. my husband didnt like it though i used to explain to my husband that we are friends and later on he was fine. one day he said he is getting married and he wont be talking to me and i cried..he weaned away from me and finally he deleted me(he said he went away bec there were problems)and he had joked abt sex wtih me so i called him a player and he said u used me as emotional dumpyard. and we had terrible fight with abuses etc. we stopped talking for one year. he returned after an year and apologized. but he returned only when he knew that i was very angry and he got scared that i might screw him. he came explaining hsi scenario. he never wanted to be my friend but he said he cared. and care should be built step by step. right now i m trying to remove the bitterness.

i was reluctant but then he worked a lot on getting us together as freinds..said friendship need not be broken. and we used to talk almost daily ..though casual stuff. he seemed pretty friendly. one day he deleted me.

i wonder what was going on.

pls dont give me replies like"oh u r married why do u care..if anyone can help me reach conclusion as to what must have gone wrong..would be enuff.


thanks.

Answer 1

Well you said it your self! You are married and you are having an emotional affair with this guy. Its the same as cheating. You are that involved with someone who is not your husband? That's mean that you would do that to him. Maybe you should move on, it sounds like that guy did. Maybe you should be rethinking your marriage and not some relationship with a guy. You are acting like you are still single and its not fair to someone that you made a commitment to.

Answer 2

You should be putting all this attention on your marriage. You said your husband had a problem with this in the beginning then he was ok with it. Well, you need to find out why he is ok with it now. I doubt very much that a husband would be ok with his wife being so close to another man, especially a younger man. You may have put so much attention on this other guy, that you may fail to see that maybe your husband may be getting that attention your giving this other guy from someone else, therefore being ok with this.

This guy spelled it out for you. What else do you want? Obviously, once he got married, he respected his wife enough to end the emotional relationship with you. You should be moving on. Sounds like there was a lot more to this relationship than you are saying.

Better start taking care of home and forget this guy. Unless your husband is not that important to you.

Answer 3

From what's being said, his future wife may not have understood a friendship like the two of you had, so he had to let it go. Then he could have wanted more than friendship at some point and decided to leave well enough alone since you were married. Now that you two don't talk, you will just have to wonder unless you find a way to get the reason from the horse's mouth. (HIM)

Answer 4

If he's getting married, his wife to be is probably threatened by your relationship with her future husband (which sounds inappropriate, considering you're already married). Especially since you guys joked about having sex together. It sounds like a very weird, controlling, co-dependent relationship anyway, and you honestly shouldn't be putting yourself in the position of getting emotional comfort from a man who isn't your husband. That doesn't bode well for your marriage. Your husband should be the man in your life that you go to for your emotional needs, as well as any physical ones. Otherwise, it's cheating, and he's probably not going to like that.

Answer 5

My personal feeling is that there is usually no such thing as young heterosexual opposite-sex friends. Usually there's something emotional going on, even if they claim to just be "friends". I think there's a lot of emotional stuff that went on in your "friendship"; not that friends can't get emotional - but certain emotions are mostly reserved for people in relationships, not friendships, and this is what I'm referring to here. It would be best to lay this former "friendship" to rest, and not complicate both of your relationships with your significant others; trust me, it would be much healthier for you in the long run.

Answer 6

I don't know if I have a solution for you but I had a good friend that I lost. Come to find out he was in love with me and just didn't know how to tell me, when I would talk to him about my husband he gave me the support I needed but it was killing him inside. We also didn't talk for a few years and ran into each other 13 years ago, we had coffee and that's when I found out. We are friends to this day but we understand each other better and and now we have been married for 10 years. Maybe you need to listen to him he may be your soul mate like mine is.
Good Luck

Answer 7

Everything was wrong from the start. And nothing was right.
What do you expect? He found a woman for a wife, and no longer needed your body to satisfy his need. Why is that so hard to understand? Accept it. You used him. And he used you. Only problem was he finished with you before you were ready.

Answer 8

If you really were 'just friends' with this guy this wouldn't be all that big a deal, but you are making such a drama out of it that it was more. Actually this doesn't make much sense to me..you were going to screw him how? I think you are making way too much of it personally.

Answer 9

Sounds like he finally seen that you were a married lady and he was stepping over the bounderies.

Answer 10

sounds like you have some emotional issues and need to find another IM chat partner to dump your sorrows onto!!