what is he thinking?

Question

my husband told me two weeks ago he wanted to be by his self because he didn't love me anymore.he now lives with his mom,me with mine.he has started calling and coming over quite a bit but we having talked about a reconcilliation.i dont know what hes thinking help...................................

Answer 1

Honey, he probably doesn't even know what he's thinking. He sounds confused. I would try marraige counseling before I agreed to go back to him. What if you're back with him long enough to get used to it again and he decides he wants to be sinlge again? Then you're hurt again. Talk to a counselor first.

Answer 2

The only way you are going to know what is going on is for the two of you to go to therapy.....apparently his telling you what is going on has several drawbacks.

First, it seems he is incomplete. The statement that he doesn't love you anymore provides little information - it is emotionally loaded and pretty much obscures anything that may come after that point. All the hearer - (that would be you) - can grasp is the roaring in her ears that her husband just said everything about their relationship was a lie. She wouldn't be...you wouldn't be hearing too much after that. (And, usually the statement that "I don't love you anymore" has a WHOLE lot more going on behind it.)

Second, it seems he is inaccurate. If he really didn't love you anymore, then talk about a reconciliation would not be appropriate or even be happening. So what was really going on when he told you the love was gone - what was so important that he is keeping it all to himself ? What was so important that he would make sure that you moved to your "respective corners" before there is talk about working things out ? (It sounds like he is going at this backwards and taking you along with him.)

It also sounds like he is tired of living with mommy again. (How old are the two of you anyway ? How long had you been married?)

Time for you to take control of your own life and your own destiny and stop letting him pull the strings. If you want to find out what was really going on and what he really intends - then insist that the two of you go to therapy. A marriage counselor. Both together and separately. A marriage counselor will keep you both on track and - being a neutral - will not invest in either of you or buy into any lies or guards put up to deflect from the truth.

If you are going to say you can't afford this, my first response is that you can't afford NOT to do this. If you simply will not find the money for it, then go to a church and counsel with a pastor, priest, etc. (My concern with religious counseling is that their focus almost always is making sure the marriage survives, sometimes without regard to solving the problems. The marriage may - or may not - survive, but it most certainly will not survive if all you do is get back together for God.)

If your husband insists that you two don't need therapy, then make it an ultimatim. Tell him you have no intention of getting back together with him in the same old circumstances that brought about such a vivid and physical break in the relationship. Those circumstances have to change - the problem has to be uncovered - the changes needed have to be made (and there may well be changes YOU need to make, but you will never know unless and until you work this out) - before you two get back together.

If he still refuses, then you know that the relationship is over and well over for you. You are not better off staying with him without working this out because, I assure you, it will happen again - and then you will be even more invested in the marriage.

Good luck!

Answer 3

No, I wouldn't go there with him. He said that he doesn't love you anymore......... What are the chances of him saying that again? What are the chances of him putting you and him through this again? The chances are high, and he needs to figure out who he is and what he wants in and out of his life. I wouldn't get a divorce but I would keep the seperation and make it legal for now and tell him that I am not ready to trust that he is really ready to bring it together just yet....... and if you haven't talked about reconcilliation with eachother and he is just coming around quite a bit more then a person should that just said he doesn't love you anymore....... Then tell your mom to tell him that your not home because you don't want to see him right now....... at least not that much....... Or in the evenings and on weekends go to the park or go for long walks in the neighborhood to avoid him when he stops by........ Call him and tell him that he wanted this, and so he needs to stop coming by so often and give you the emotion space you need after the bomb he dropped on your heart. You need your space and time after someone says that to you and puts you where you are.......... you deserve better then that. If he can't give you better then what he has, then seriously you need to concider looking on with your life.......... and letting him be....... good luck and blessed be.

Answer 4

You will not know 100% what he thinks, unless he tells u. I think he is going through something, maybe guilt over something, skeletons in his closet, whatever, people dont "fall out of love" overnight. If he has hurt u, do u think its wise to let him come visit u, when he has yet to explain himself, or give u some clarity. Dont let him use u for company, or worst......................... sex.
U are married, so u have to communicate, I know ur willing, but is he. Dont let him call all the shots, u have a say so and opinion as well! Get some answers, and ask him what is the point of his little visits without some explanation, u dont need him to come see u, and nothing get solved, u want ur marriage back!!! Good luck babe. Hope it works out, if it doesnt u will be SOOOO strong when u come out of this, nothing will knock u down.

Answer 5

Be patient with him if he hasn't hurt you or been physical with you .Obviously there is something upsetting his balance and he doesn't know how to communicate it to you. So he's going to the person he can talk to his mommy; so let him know your there when he is ready. He does still love you maybe he loves you to much to hurt with something he done or is doing. If you want him -forgive him of what he has to tell you embrace him and move on (even if hes gay and you have to split-(lol) keep your head up and hang in there stay in prayer about your husband and expect the best

Answer 6

Perhaps he just needed a break from the relationship. Now he misses you and realizes that he made a mistake. Worse case scenario is that he thought he could get with someone else, and when that fell through, he wants to be loved by you again.

Answer 7

He is lost, maybe he wasnt totally sure what he wanted before he married you and now is regretting it for not waiting.

Maybe he is seeing someone else? That could get some guys to say that.

You never know, there are millions of reasons why this could happen.

Answer 8

You know what's been going wrong or what went wrong. Now you have to check out what you're thinking rather than what he's thinking. Is he now getting some without the problems of a relationship; that's what he's thinking.

Your relationship is over, now you both have to fix it or get lost.

Answer 9

Sounds like he's as confused as you must be. He obviously cares--calls and visits might mean he's trying to sort things out. See how it goes and eventually ask what's on his mind. Maybe he's just scared--marriage is one of life's biggest steps.

Answer 10

He needed some time alone to decide if this marriage was what he really wanted, and rather than ending it without really knowing, he wanted a break.