My Dad is Cheating on My Mom! Too young to know what to do. HELP!!??

Question

I am Canadian living in Saudi Arabia. I am 16 years old (last year in high school) , i have a 13 year old brother, an 8 year old sister and a devestated mom! I just found out that my "honest,polite,every1 wants him to be there dad,fun" dad has been cheating on my mom for sometime now. My Mom has ABSOULETLY NO CLUE what to do! niehter do i? she keeps asking my opinion!
Divorce? - but my borther and sister are too young to live without a father!
Accept it? - how can she look at him? how can i look at him?

I need him the most right now, this is my last year and im going to graduate in 8months.. i need someone to pay for my university in canada. we need someone to pay for the house...

what do i do! please help!! im desperate... i only thought these things happen on Jerry Springer...

maybe i didnt make it clear..
My mom already knows and she has known it all along but kept denying it to show us our father is a great person so that we can grow up with a father..
And when i said college money, i meant i dont want to see me and my family on the streets because he chose the other women over us.
I used to think my dad was loving and cared too much for us... but honstly i dont know what to think now... me and my mom are devestated...

Answer 1

you guys might be too young to live with out a Father? so you rather live with a father that lies and cheats and think you guys are too young for that too. as far as money believe me your dad will pay if you mom takes it to court for a divorce. sorry that you have to go through all this good luck

Answer 2

I was exactly in your position when I was a little younger than you are now. I'm sorry but a lot is going to be on your Dad and how he deals with this situation. If he still wants to be married to your Mother she's going to have to put her foot down and he is going to have to somehow get her respect back. Check out the website www.marriagebuilders.com. It has a lot of great info. Stay close to your Mom, she needs you and I know you need her.

I'm so sorry. I know how awful you must feel right now. Big hugs to you, your siblings and your Mom. No matter what you will get through this.

I would also like to add that your father still has obligations to his family. Legally he can't simply walk away from the house and your education. Your Mom may want to consult a lawyer ASAP to make sure that her and your and your siblings financial future are not disrupted. You don't have to simply accept it. Your Father has to accept the fact that he has made a mess. Trust is a hard thing to fix and it is going to take a long time.

Answer 3

My advise is that there really isn't anything you can do. I think I would tell your mom to supoort him b/c it just maybe a stage he is going through and it maybe already over. If it isn't and if he doesn't want to quit then she needs to go on with her own life and just put the marriage on hold for now or get a divorce if that is what they agree on, even though she is asking your opinion what happens will not be up to you, what happens is what is ment to happen and either way all will be fine and in the long run they will recover and be a stronger couple or they will go there different ways becoming stronger as indivuals. All children and adults live through divorce it happens everyday, every minute it doesn't stop the pain or help but it is fact and this is you and your family I know but you are not alone! Try not to judge your dad he's the only one you'll ever have and when you get older you'll understand and it'll all make sence I promise you this is truth, it doesn't change the person who he is inside and no matter what do not loss respect for him. You can also learn from his mistakes and he as well needs your support, you don't have to agree with it or like what he has done but it is done and he is human and no one is perfect. You and your family will always have a roof over your head, food to eat, grants and loans for college no matter what and there are ways to survive and places that you go to apply for assistance if you are in need that's why they are there to begin with. Best of luck to you and your family.

Answer 4

First off, think really hard before you make any decision regarding a confrontation with your father. I don't know what the divorce laws are in Saudi Arabia but if they are harsh towards women (and I bet they are), it may be in her best interest to stick with your father until your family moves back to Canada. In most situations I would strongly discourage parents from taking their problems concerning their lovelife to their children -- in your mother's case you may be her only outlet due to the cultural restrictions placed on women. If this is the case, tell her you'll be there for her no matter what happens and that you disapprove of your father's actions. Research what the laws are in Saudi Arabia before advising your mother to get a divorce. Research what it would take to get your mother and siblings back to Canada. After you have a lot of information you can make a more educated decision on what to do.

And remember, your parents' problems are not your problems, there is much that you will not be able to fix. Your parents are adults and as such they will and should make decisions for themselves. I hope the best for you and your upcoming move to college!

Answer 5

Just be her friend. Love her no matter what and let her handle it

You can't be involved in any of it. You will need to redefine your relationship with each parent, but you are not responsible for what happened. It is their mess and only they should decide how it will all be handled. Just let them know that you expect to be loved just the same as always and when they are done figuring out the details, you will settle into whatever routine is set.

Don't worry about them. They will be fine. It just hurts a lot when you are cheated on and they will have to take time to get beyond that hurt so that they can go back to devoting themselves to being parents again, because that never changed.

Answer 6

Confront your dad. Tell him you know and that he needs to "GET IT TOGETHER" or you'll inform your mother.

You need your dad to pay for university???? odd.. ok well, you won't be the first or last person in the world to support themselves through college and that certainly shouldn't be the main reason you want him to be around. Take the focus off of you for a minute and think about your poor mother.

Speak to your dad and also ask him if he understands the damage he's causing. Then you'll need to be prepared for his decision. The thing is... you gotta ask yourself is your dad the selfish type.. because if he is,(which he is because of the affair he's having) he'll be more concerned about meeting his desires. Hopefully he will shape up and stop committing adultry.

Answer 7

If your mother wants your advice, tell her this: tell him he has to go to counseling with her, or she will divorce him, and stick to it. Counseling will determine whether he still values his wife, whether he is willing to do the hard work it will take to change, and whether he is willing to re-commit himself to his wife and children. It can benefit your mother too, because, right now, she may not know whether or not she would ever be able to forgive him or trust him again, nor how she could accomplish foregiveness or trust.

As for who's going to pay for your college, sorry -- if it would make your parents happier to divorce, it is better to have a happy family (even separate) than money. One other thing to consider, though, is that you need not necessarily lose your money. If your father refuses counseling and chooses the divorce option, one of the first things your mother should discuss with a divorce attorney is how to secure child support payments.

Finally, after giving your mother the advice from the first paragraph, please tell your mom, "I may be mostly grown up now, but I am still your and dad's child. You are asking too much of me, emotionally, to ask me for advice I am incapable of giving. So, in the future, if you need advice about your marriage, ask your counselor."

Answer 8

How devastating. I'm so sorry. Your mother needs to talk with a counselor. That would help her. Maybe she should try a "trial" separation - in which your father would still be paying for everything. Tell her there are many support groups that can help with these problems. Tell her she can be strong and all of you can make it thru this. Good luck. I'll be praying for you.

Answer 9

For one your Mom should not be asking you "What to do???" Tell Mom to get a lawyer. Now!!! Divorce is the only way to go. He has done this for to long. Dad has to support wife and family. Get back to Canada. He will have to pay for that too. Dad should pay for everything. Remain calm. Good Luck.

Answer 10

Confront him about it. Even if they divorce, he should still be responsible for his children and pay child support, but I don't know the laws of that in Canada. Best of luck to you, and just to say as someone who's been exactly where you are, it does get better. My parents divorced and they are really good friends now. Luckily in my situation, it worked out for the best.