Shyness problem.... is there a cure???

Question

Since i was like 7 I've become really shy, Now im 14. I do have a few friends but we're not really close, its like im the nobody out of a group. When people have to choose partners im like the left out one and i have to partner up with the geek... Its not like anyone hates me but they'd neither sick with someone who is more chatty and interesting... It really hurts to know that if you left people wouldny even notice. I changing schools this year and I want to be a different person. I just freak out and i cant just go up to someone and say hi, i also dont even know what to talk about untill they talk... i face alot of pure pressure. IS THERE SOME KIND OF CURE? I HEARD OF SHYNESS PILLS. BUT ARE THERE SIDE EFFECTS AND DO THEY WORK?

Answer 1

Shyness has to do with your personality, so there really are no pills to change that. When you talk about a medication, perhaps you are referring to an anti-anxiety medication such as Ativan. Because, it seems like you may be feeling anxious over meeting new people and being more outgoing in a group.

This is what I suggest:

Start by making 1 new friend that you can confide in and who will be a positive influence on you. Giving you positive affirmations.

Join a club, go to the meetings and if you don't feel like saying anything at firs, then don't. Just observe for awhile, you'll find someone in the group to begin a conversation with.

Start out by conditioning youself to meet more people by going to small gatherings, church groups are great because they generally are very low key and non-judgemental.

There are lots of ways to reduce your stress and feelings of anxiety other than taking pills. Hope this helps.

Answer 2

Hi,

I was so shy growing up I wouldn't take part in a candy scramble at a picnic with other kids (I love candy). I hated going to birthday parties, etc.

You don't cure shyness, you just have decide that being so shy isn't helping you have a fun and successful life. No, it's not easy, but I don't act shy anymore (even though I still am on the inside).

Here's what I did. I took little steps, like speaking up in a group. Think about one thing you can say...ask a question that no one would think was silly or weird. Like ask how late the mall stays open or if anyone has tried some new soda flavor. You'll feel more confident when you see that you can speak up and people listen (you know they listened to you because they answer your question). Then just keep speaking up, and little by little, people will be telling you to be quiet! (just joking)

It's something to try at least. It's NOT easy to get over being shy, but you CAN do it. No one was more shy than me, but when I saw that I was losing out on a lot of fun that I wanted to have, I worked at changing how I behaved.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Probably the best way to overcome shyness is Systematic (or Graduated) Desensitization. This is contrasted with a technique called "flooding," in which the shy person is immediately exposed to a feared situation. This experience is supposed to be cathartic.

This is the advice that is often given shy people. "You've got to mix and mingle with people-that's the only way you're going to overcome your shyness! Go to a party, and plunge right in!" This is something akin to telling someone who's deathly afraid of water to plunge into the deep end of a swimming pool!

Systematic desensitization, on the other hand, involves discovering what you are afraid of, breaking that feared activity down into smaller steps and finally taking those steps on one at a time, gradually moving from the easiest step to the most difficult.

The first step toward practicing systematic desensitization is to list those situations which cause you shyness or anxiety. The list should be arranged in increasing order of difficulty; that is, with the easiest interactions listed first, progressing down toward those which cause greater and greater anxiety. To make this task easier, below is a list of social situations arranged in what I think will be roughly increasing difficulty for most shy people. You can use this list as a framework for your own list. The list progresses from the mildest social situations to the most difficult.

The next step is to tackle these shyness-producing situations one at a time, progressing from the easiest to the most difficult. To do this, you must set goals for yourself.

Set aside a couple of weeks for each shyness situation. Every day, make a deliberate point of getting into a situation in which you will have an opportunity to practice a skill on your list which you have set aside to practice during that week. When you have practiced a particular skill on your list every day for two weeks, move on to the next one. Continue this way until you have worked your way completely down the list.

This technique doesn't work perfectly, because life doesn't always hand out experiences in the order we've decided would be best, but don't worry; the technique will still be effective.

Another tip: most of these situations can be made more challenging by increasing how much time you spend in that situation, or by increasing the difficulty in some other way. For example, you may have no trouble asking a librarian to help you find something, but entering into a brief conversation with him or her may be a little more difficult. Or, a short conversation with someone you meet at school may be easy, but a longer one may be more challenging. In this way you can "fine tune" your graduated desensitization regimen in a way that allows you to achieve a very smooth increase in its difficulty level.

One of the easiest ways to begin is to try striking up little conversations with store clerks. This gives you an opportunity to practice overcoming your shyness every time you pick up a magazine or buy a candy bar. The conversations don't have to be long ones, and you can close the conversation whenever you wish. Another advantage is that since you have no need to see these people again, you have no reason to be upset if you say something you later decide was less than brilliant. Of course, make sure there isn't a long line of other shoppers waiting behind you when you try this technique !

Answer 4

Confidence... I know how you feel in social settings because I used to be quite shy myself and I still have problems meeting new people. A good way to work on building relationships is to simply say "Hi" to someone you dont know. This seems like common sense, but even if you dont have a conversation with that person that day they will remember that you opened up first. Then the next time you see them they are often the one to open up. I used to also worry that people would judge me before they even know me. But I have a simple answer for those types of people, if they are willing to judge someone without knowing them then they arent worth being my (or your) friend. Finally, just be yourself and I'm sure people will want to be around you!
Good luck!!!!

Answer 5

be yourself dont change to be like other people you will just come across as fake and people will like you even less. try joining a club or group/community centre near your area, that is a nice place to meet people your age, at least you would have something to talk about. always remember you are somebody and you are as good as the other people, personally there is nothing wrong with geeks as you call them they are probably as shy as you are at making friends. being popular is hard work. at the end of the day if they dont like you for who you are and how you are then they are not friends anyway. good luck.

Answer 6

You could try Violet Flower Essence (not essential oil). It is an energetic medicine that works on the soul level. It addresses profound shyness, reserve, aloofness, fear of being submerged in groups. You could also try Buttercup Flower Essence. It addresses feelings of low self worth, inability to acknowledge or experience one's inner light and uniqueness. The nice thing about flower essences is that they are 100% safe and will not interfere with medications. The brand I prefer is call FES (Flower Essence Services). I have seen flower essences work wonders for people, animals, and babies (no placebo affect possible with the last two).

Answer 7

I've been shy my whole life so I know how you feel. You just have to make yourself talk, its hard sometimes but things will be better if you do. People seem to have a problem with quiet people. Every job I've ever had I get talked to about not talking enough. Just try to get yourself out of it. You will be treated a lot better in the long run.

Answer 8

No, there are no pills. Like anything else you need to work at it. Start slowly at first, but interact with people as much as possible. Eventually your shyness will abate.

Answer 9

Shyness pills?

You're joking, right?

I got over my shyness by meeting a new best friend who talks alot lol.. I just kinda took after her.

Answer 10

REMEMBER YOU MUST BE HAVING A GOOD PERSONALITY AND UNIQENESS IN YOURSELF. JUST REMEMBER YOU ARE BEST AND YOU WILL BECOME THE TREND SETTER. REMEMBER PEOPLE WHO TRY TO ACT MORE SMARTLY ACTUALLY MANY A TIMES SUFFER FROM LOW SELF ESTEEM. ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO COPY ANYONE OR BEHAVE LIKE WHAT YOU ARE'T JUST TO LOOK COOL AND HEP. BUT A GOOD PERSONALITY IS ALSO NECESSRAY. JUST THINK WHERE YOU ARE LACKING, IIN SPORTS, STUDIES, DANCING OR WHATEVER ELSE AND JUST WORK ON IT. ALSO IF YOU GET PRIZES AND GOOD MARKS, YOU WILL YOURSELF HAVE A GOOD ESTEEM IN YOUR EYES WHICH WILL MAKE YOU BEHAVE MORE SMARTLY.