my 13 year old daughter claims shes in love w/ a 18 yr.old?

Question

I have been raising my 13 year old neice for practically ever.
She's like my daughter so I say she is.Well this summer she took swimming lessons from The American Red Cross,and told me she fell in love with this lifeguard.She told me he always talks to her,and she always talks back.She says she "Loves Him",and that he really cares about her deeply.I secretly talked to her friend and she told me that yes he talks to her the most out of everbody there.
And that he has told her a couple times how perfect her strokes are and stuff like that. What's with him and her? Could he really like her or be a perv?

Answer 1

I think that first of all, you should talk to her and emphasize about not getting pregnant, for that being (in my opinion) the most urgent aspect.

The most important, would be not to forbid the relation (remember Romeo and Juliet, what is forbidden is always the most appealing).

He could be honest or a pervert, but it is not for you to decide. Your daguhter should do that by herself. It will be hard, specially for you, but emotional scars always heal. Yo can always get over a deceit, but you can't get over a baby... what would bring me back to the begining.

Talk to her, and taht means listen... not preach. Tell her to be careful and tell her true stories of deceit and signs she should be alerted on. But do not forbid... she would only get more into it.

If you let her experiment (we all thought to be in love at that age) sooner or later, she will leave him. And who knows... maybe he's not such a perv, after all.

Answer 2

She has a "crush".

If he is sending her the wrong signals, then you need to talk to the Red Cross and not working with children anymore.

However, she is 13, and has a crush. More than likely, he IS telling her her swimming strokes are perfect, and maybe it's because they are! He's a lifeguard, he notices these things. Chances are he's telling other children too.

But what you do need to find out is why she thinks that he really cares about her deeply. Because if that is true, it's wrong.

Maybe go to one of her swim lessons to "watch" her swim. Keep an eye on him and see if he's up to anything, or if she's just being a 13 year old with a crush on a boy!

Answer 3

I think you need to be careful. First of all, he is 5 years older then her and you shouldn't let your daughter date someone that much older. Your daughter just got into her teens and should be interested in boys her age. This is not a good sign.
First, I would have a talk with her. Explain to her that the age difference is illegal and that she should be interested in boys her age. Let her know that she is young and there is plenty of time to be in love later in her life and that for now she should enjoy being a young teen. Tell her that you couldn't possibly let her be in a relationship with him because the age difference is illegal and then not only him but you as well could get in trouble for allowing it. Tell her that you love her and aren't trying to take "love" away from her life but that this is something you cannot allow her to do.
As for this 18 year old life guard, I am leaning towards pervert. He may just be trying to be nice to her but if he is giving her all the attention and saying things like "perfect stroke" he could be thinking negatively as well. An 18 year old should NOT be interested in a 13 year old. If you have to take her out of the swimming lessons, I would do so before something terrible happens.
You should speak to this lifeguard 1 on 1 as well and explain to him that if he has any feelings for her, he is going to have to put them aside because you will simply not allow a relationship between the two.
Keep talking to her friend and if her friend tells you he is still giving her all this attention and acting the same way he was before, inform the employer of the lifeguard that you are taking your daughter out of lessons because you feel as though one of their lifeguards, (name here), is trying to start a relationship with your thirteen year old daughter. Explain to them the story and how your daughter thinks she is in love with this man.

Answer 4

Many years ago when I was 14 I was introduced to a 17 year old who turned 18 shortly after we met. I was crazy in love with him - He truly was my first love. I still thought about him on a daily basis for 15 years after we broke up. She may truly love him. Don't discount her feelings, but try to investigate what her view of love really is. Is what she's saying purely physical (he's cute...)? Or is she beginning to experience the deep emotions that come with love? In my case, we did love one another, but we broke up after a year. Things were just too complicated because he was already out of school and everything - I think his feelings for me were not as strong as my feelings for him. As for the guy your neice is crazy over being a pervert, maybe - but the guy I was involved with never even tried to get me to have sex. He respected me and we only kissed and held hands. It was very innocent. Only you can be the judge of this guys true colors. I wouldn't worry too much unless there starts being a lot of communication between them and they start wanting to spend time together a lot. Either way, this is the perfect opportunity to discuss "life" with your neice. If this guy isn't her first love then there will be one right around the corner. Teach her right from wrong, and trust her to make the best choices. She'll mess up along the way, but that's how we learn and grow - through past problems and failures. Just love her through it all!

Answer 5

Im dating a man that is 5 years older than me and we have been dating for 6 years now were planning to get married in the next year. When we met i was young like 15 and he was 20 My mom didnt like it until she met him and seen what a great guy he is. And he really doesn't act his age. I hate when people judge people by there age. Age really is not the issue. I say if you dont want her to hate you just invite him over for dinner and get to know him and see what kind of person he is and if you have a bad felling talk to her about it. Yes all young ladies think their in love, so get used to that. Just be careful about everything but don't be stupid about it either.

Answer 6

Haha I agree with Jenna! That's a good point... Young girls at that age seem to think they know everything (I did TOO!), even everything there is to know about love. But the reality of it is that they DON'T and they wont truly know until they have had their hearts broken. I think you should sit down with her and let her know that it's OK to date him, but she needs to take things slow and not put her heart into it. He is a lot more mature and has surely 'been around the block.' He may really like her, or he could simply be using her for other things... if you get my drift.

The most important thing is that if you tell a teenager NOT to do something, they are going to do the exact opposite and LIE to you about it. It's better to keep an open relationship with your daughter and not to judge her. Have the boy come over for dinner sometime and judge for yourself how good of character he is! I think that would be your best option... to know what is going on and it will give you a good idea of what's going on - even when you're not around.

Answer 7

He could really like her...not that that justifies any of it. She is way too young to be in love...it's puppy love. All little girls feel like that at some point. The best thing I could think to do is to talk to this 18 year old lifeguard and see what his intentions are towards her. Let him know where and how you stand on the situation. I would keep a close eye on the situation to make sure that nothing happens.

Answer 8

I see little evidence that he's a perv. It's very possible she's more talkative and social than the other kids, so he talks to her more. I doubt he would have told you he talks to her a lot and that he complimented her if he were a perv (he'd probably try to deny it). But you talked to him and I didn't, and if you got a creepy feeling about the guy, you definitely need to monitor this situation very closely.

I agree with the other answerers that you should be quite frank with your daughter about appropriate relationships,etc. But I caution you not to criticize her for her feelings about this man, or she likely won't confide in you again.

Answer 9

Just because he's talking to her doesn't mean he's feeling the same way about her as she is him when your 13 even alittle attention from an attractive older boy can feel like love Don't worry it will probably be another boy she's in love with next week just keep your eye on her Let her know she can talk to you so you don't have to go behind her back and talk to her friends

Answer 10

He is 18 and she is 13...I think that is kind of gross. I mean I could understand if the guy was like 16 but 18...ummm thats a little strange. I mean why wouldnt he go for someone his own age. It seems strange to me. He could just be trying to get some...I hate to say it but that could be it. I dont trust guys like that too old for your daughter. I would watch out if I were you.

Although you dont want to upset your daughter by telling her she cant see him b/c I know how I would have thought at that age and that would be to sneak behind your back and see him as much as possible.