Guilt, will the feelings ever go away!?

Question

I was married to a controlling husband for 25 years, we had 5 kids together, I found the courage and divorced him two and half years ago. I have been living with my new partner for two years, he is still married and has 2 younger kids. I feel quilt for my ex, my partner's wife and kids, etc. everyone/thing. It was my partners choice to join me, I never asked him, but feel quilt for coming into his life after 27years. Will I ever stop feeling guilt and responsebility!

Answer 1

he is a grown up and capable of making his own choices, you didn't hold a gun to his head and tell him to end his marriage. the situation has happened now, there isn't anything you can do to change that, so stop feeling guilty and just move on hon, why do you feel guilty towards your ex husband? if he had treated you right in the first place, you wouldn't have divorced him. my moto is "worry about the things you can change, and don't give a second thought to the things you can't change.

Answer 2

My personal belief is that if I feel guilty about something, stop doing it. Guilt is an emotion with a reason: to tell you when you are doing something wrong.

Regarding the lengthy marriage, it's not your fault. You stuck with him long enough for the kids to be grown up, or mostly so. If I could guess, though, I'd bet your ex husband has tried many times to make you feel guilt for leaving him. Ignore him, and find a friend you can talk with about him so that you can remind yourself once in awhile WHY you left him, and that you had very good reasons for doing so.

You need to put a hold on your relationship with your new partner, and here you have a good reason for feeling guilty. You are enabling him to be unfaithful to his wife, and it will ultimately harm his relationship with both his wife and his children. Tell him you must stop seeing him, but that he may feel free to look you up when he gets divorced -- tell him you might date him then, IF you are still available.

In the meantime, open yourself up to dating single men.

Answer 3

No you should feel guilt. Even though your partner made the choice to leave his wife and kids you are also responsible. You are some mans whore, his mistress and you are hurting his wife and children for your own selfish reasons. he should have divorced his wife to be with you and you should have insisted on that. Please don't give the excuse he doesn't believe in divorce because if he cheats he should not really give a damn about divorce. So you and your kids are now happy but, there are 2 more kids living with out a dad. Here's hoping someone does this to one of your children so you can see the repercussions.

Answer 4

well if you needed to get away, you did what you had to do, hopefully you sought help and guidance before your decision was made. your are going to feel guilt, that is only natural, but you have to believe you made the right decision - now your current guilt with the new partner is self created - he is still married - you say it was his choice to live with you - didnt you have say in the matter? you first need to get focused on where it is you want to be - i dont think shacking up with a married man is your answer - all you did was put yourself in another tight situation - start with your inner feelings and reevaluate exactly every situation and hopefully youll come to solid answers about what you need to do to make things right and just not only for yourself but for others also - then and maybe then you can reduce your guilty feelings - good luck - best wishes

Answer 5

What you have to remember is that you took that huge step of walking away from your controlled relationship and you now deserve a happy life. The guilt WILL eventually fade, think about YOU for once,what you need from life. It's hard not to feel some thing for the upset you have caused his children but they will learn to adapt. We all end up loving the wrong people!! I've been there,hope things work out for you.

Answer 6

Conflicted thoughts? To on the present time. yet they are not extraordinarily severe. inspite of each little thing, we stand for the ongoing analyzing of our ideals. we don't come to a end, and then by no skill learn that end returned. Guilt? i do no longer think of so. Guilt became into too lots component of my previous journey as a Christian, subsequently, i'm very suspicious of guilt on the instant because it emerges. Nostalgia? confident. Gospels songs are somewhat good at that. i'm uncertain that I reject the "religious" message of those songs. I do reject the implied doctrinal propositions. yet often those songs do no longer symbolize only doctrinal propositions to their singers. They symbolize a shape of meaning, desire--an confirmation of relatives, of community (Will the circle be unbroken?) i can proportion specific factors of gospel songs affirmations without procuring into the doctrinal implications. i can celebrate with those songs because of the fact kinfolk discover/stumbled on them significant. For me, faith IS seeing my relationships to others and to the multiverse--many fictional constructs can help me in that seeing.

Answer 7

I don't get the "It was my partners choice to join me, I never asked him" part. Like he forced you?? I'd feel very guilty and I'd feel used and like a homewrecker if I was living with someone who was still married and had kids. What are you thinking?? The guilt would never go away if it was me.

Answer 8

Not as long as he remains married...what's up with that...I can understand jumping into another life relationship (Huge rebound move) but with a married man 6 months later and after 2 years he is still legally married...whats there not to be guilty about , your choices have kept you in limbo...time to set the record straight...is he going to be your man or hers...tell him to put it in writing, as in divorce papers.

Answer 9

He need a divorce and if he have'nt got it yet he probaly aint thats what you need to be looking at. You got a divorce and he don't i will feel guilty to he tied to a fu*king affair with you Why you feel guilty about your ex partner did you let her figure it out you dwelling on them and they aint thinking about you and what you do you crazy to sit there and even get on line and talk about it. you move on he move on and it look like your new partner thats still married gone move on if you dont stay out their business get a hobby.

Answer 10

You need to send your, um, "partner" back home to his wife and kids. Jeez. You came out of 25 years of misery only to become a homewrecker? What were you thinking?!?