I just found out that my husband has a friendship with a girl and her family for over 20 years. We have separted and he is spending time with her and her family. He claims he feels comfort with them and that he is not cheating on me with her. I asked him to introduce me to them but he refuses. Therefore, I believe that something is going on between him and his so called best friend and thats why I cant meet them.
2006-08-22 03:14:49 · 77 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you're accusing him of things and that's not right. accusations become truth if you don't watch it. just wait..relax and find out the truth rather than creating it.
2006-08-22 07:15:09 · answer #1 · answered by mimi 3 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Has he been spending time with her before your separation or just since? Not surprising that he would feel comfort around a friend of 20 years. After my separation, the first thing I did was to go look up some old friends I had lost touch with.
You and he need to define the goal of your separation. If you are not going to reconcile, then go your separate ways and have it over with.
If you are going to save your marriage, then full disclosure and openness are required by ALL parties involved.
I can't believe all the man bashing on here. Does anyone not realize anymore that it is the woman who sets the tone of a relationship? Men are reactionary, simple creatures. Before my divorce, my ex talked all kinds of crap about me, to the point where strangers are still apoligizing to me two years later for listening to her.
If you are having an acrimonious breakup, maybe he doesn't want to poison this friendship with your venom.
2006-08-22 03:25:05 · answer #2 · answered by Yote' 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are separated, you have little to say in the matter now. For you to belabor the point will only cause you more heartache. Meeting this other family for the first time in 20 years is ludicrous, it wouldn't make any difference. What on earth would there be to gain from it. Divvy up your husband Monday, Wednesday and every other weekend? If you want to repair your marriage, get counseling for you and your husband. If he refuses, you have your answer. Get counseling for yourself and start exploring your options for a new life.
2006-08-22 03:44:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably is. If he has had a close friendship with her for 20 years and you JUST found out, chances are that it's more serious than being "just friends." But didn't you say that you guys separated? Do you mean that you guys got divorced? Because if that's the issue, then he can't be cheating on you because you aren't together anymore.
I hope everything works out. Good luck! ^_^
2006-08-22 03:21:52 · answer #4 · answered by Nikki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your instincts. If he has been friends with them for 20 years and you didn't know it, then there is probably something going on there.
There are only two reasons he could have for not wanting to introduce you. He is lying and he's involved with her or he is lying and there is something else to it. Either way, he is lying!
You need to divorce him before you invest any more time in his lying behind. You can't trust someone like that and without trust you can have a good marriage!
Good luck, I'm sure there is someone out there who deserves you!
2006-08-22 03:26:21 · answer #5 · answered by **Shannen** 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
20 years and your just now finding out about his so called best friend. That is complete BS. It's unacceptable! Now it's not even a matter of him cheating it's a matter of respect. He shouldnt be spending an excessive amount of time with any female other than his family, best friend or not. She needs to respect the marriage and understand that it's at a weak point right now. Im through typing, now im mad, Damn!
2006-08-22 03:28:33 · answer #6 · answered by michelle m 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may be not telling you the truth because he doesn't want to hurt you. It sounds obvious that he has a strong emotional attachment to that girl and her family, even if there is nothing physical going on, although I think there probably is. There again, your husband may be just trying to spare your feelings by not telling you the whole story. He's also allowing himself to do what he wants by keeping information from you. You and he are separated for a reason. It sounds like he's more interested in pursuing his "friendship" with her than with working on your marriage together. He may not be worth the trouble, and you may have to decide to move on. That would be my guess from hearing your story.
2006-08-22 03:26:19 · answer #7 · answered by cynthiajean222 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to say that he is cheating on you or anything to that affect but is there any way that you can get her name and go from there with it? I mean it shouldn't be hard to track her down as far as where she lives or a phone number or something. If you get her name you could even google her name with the city and state to find her number and then I would call her and ask her point blank. That's what I did. Don't beat around the bush and if you have any doubt in your mind, call him on it and do your own checking!! I will help as best as I can feel free to email me @ sarahphyle@yahoo.com
2006-08-22 03:22:35 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right....so far he has lied by omission-not telling you about this "friend" for 20 years! People don't hide innocent friendships...
If nothing else he has severely damaged your trust in him by this one aspect alone. I agree he is probably also lying about the level of intimacy they share, and it makes me wonder if he is in fact the natural parent of any of them.
Run, don't walk, to a lawyer and begin protecting yourself financially. Seek counseling from a professional you can feel safe and open with. Don't drag your own children, friends and family into the conflict, remember that words spoken in the first flush of anger will burn into others minds and can leave lasting damage.
Best wishes,
cryllie
2006-08-22 03:33:43 · answer #9 · answered by cryllie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you are separated. Are you in marriage counseling? Are in counseling by yourself? No one but your hubby and the "girl" can tell you if they have an "intimate" relationship, but the fact that he kept this relationship with her and her family from you all these years is cheating on you, even if he never had sex. A person can have an affair and never have sex. I think emotional cheating is more damaging then physical cheating.
If you and he both truly want to save your marriage, get counseling and get to the bottom of why he couldn't share this "friendship" with you. Couples should be allowed friendships outside of the one with their spouse, but with the knowledge of the spouse.
Good luck!
2006-08-22 03:32:35 · answer #10 · answered by jiminycricket 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your question is he lying to me? Well for you to write it like that you already think you know he is....
Lets look at this...
1. Introducing to friends is a big thing, you are separated so is it any of your buisness?
2. If he was sleeping with her would he at the family home?
3. He has proberly said things about you that are untrue and the truth is he will be caught out if he introduces you?
There are many answers but don't beat yourself up thinking the worse. If you stop on about it to him, I bet he will bring it up as he wants you to be jealous and make a fuss abouyt it to give hiom the upper hand. Don't give it to him. Make out whatever slime ball!
2006-08-22 03:22:55 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋