Stay in sexless & out of love marriage for sake of our kids?

Question

Hi!
I have been married for 9 years & this may it'll be 10. We went out for 4 1/2 years before we got married. We are more like roomates & have zero sex life, and I am not in love with him anymore. We have 2 girls & they are why I hang on. Our fighting I feel has affected our 5 year old girl. I feel like I am doing the girls a diservice & myself because I am so miserable. I have never been on my own & am scared. I just want some peace. We have no communication unless we talk about the girls, or to tell one another if we are going somewhere. I work very part time & would want my girls to live with me, but how I would support them, I don't know. Opinions are welcomed.

Answer 1

if you are just there for the sake of the kids and are not showing any love toward one another. what are you teach your kids.
boy i dont know if that came out right.
i guess it depends on what is most important.
if your fighting all the time the kids dont feel secure.
if your divorced , you might have other problems like financial or new boyfriends all the time.
either way you have too work on makeing sure that the kids feel secure and that they grow up learning how to love.
this is most important
live well laugh often love much

Answer 2

Well, you can stay if you want to for the kids but it will only make you more miserable. You know the saying if moma ain't happy nobody is happy. Children can feel the tension even if they don't witness the actual arguments and fights. See if you continue to stay, your girls will think this is what marriage is all about and we both know that there's more to marriage than fighting and fussing. Sit down and have a real talk with your husband and then with your children. Well if you separate or divorce you can get a child support order, so there will be some support and you can get a full time job. I know you are scared, I was too but the children or happier and so am I. Good luck. You can do it, after all you are woman and we are survivors because we are good at it.

Answer 3

You know I have been married for 17 years and it's been a hard road. Kids now grown. I don't understand how couples fall out of love. This can only happen, when you're not putting effort in your marriage. I don't know all the details, but I will tell you that any marriage that's going to survive in these days, you're going to have to work at it. There's so many temptations for both sexes, and unless you have a strong love for one another, you're not going to survive. Why do you think the divorce rate is up 50%? I always said, if you were not able to see and you were blind, things would be different. I say that because we are moved by what we see. Things always look greener on the other side of the fence. But then after you lose what you thought you didn't want, then you realize that it was more valuable than you realized. I really don't think anything is lost or gone, I just think the old fire needs some rekindling, that takes work. What was it that you saw in him when you first met him. Remember how your heart pounded for him, and you couldn't hardly catch your breath. I remember! I get excited when I just think about it. We've had some very hard times. But our love was stronger than the bad times. It takes two. Did you know that over 40% of women are in the same boat as you, and alot of our emotions are based on hormonal facts. Maybe check with your OB/GYN, check your hormonal levels. I'm saddened that you're not fighting to keep this marriage together vs. fighting over issues that have no meaning or value. Aren't your girls worth more than that? Or is it all about you?????Something to think about? Put your feelings away for a while. I know that's hard to do, because we are all guilty focusing on ourselves. We are very selfish. But, when you can put yourself aside, and think of others, and work hard to fix these problems, then you start seeing the rewards. It's just whether you want to fight for it, rekindle it, save it, your choice!!

Answer 4

I think you are doing the right thing by sticking to your commitment and raising your daughters. Fathers are so important to daughters healthy development no matter what our society says. Children of divorce are scarred plain and simple.

At one time you obviously loved this man, so work to bring back that romance. Love is a choice, not a feeling. The feeling is called infatuation and it wears off in any relationship without working real hard to keep it.

In my opinion, romance is nothing more than the emphasis on the differences between you and him as male and female. If you start to act more feminine, he will start to act more masculine and you will start to have that mutual attraction again. Try reading "The Surrendered Wife" or "Fascinating Womanhood" or at least going to their websites. If you are a Christian, you can set your marriage up according to the Bible...the man is the head of the woman as Christ is the head of the Church... A marriage set up in this way will succeed. If you are a Christian, read, "Me? Obey Him?", "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace, and "The Politically Incorrect Wife." Whether you are a Christian or not, your marriage will work if it is set up according to God's plan because that is the way He created us to be the happiest.

God bless you. I hope it works out for all your sakes.

Answer 5

1 thing I can tell you is don't be a Rat and cheat. Let him know that you two need to get it going on. And if he's with it take it so. I don't know how you seduced him but, did you get clear picture of what he likes and use it to help the situation? As, far as him dealing with ex then he's more messed up then he lets on. He's in a new relationship and still struggling with issues of an old one. Something is really going on. I don't know how to treat clinical depression except for "Distracting Pleasure". Do something for yourself and him. Tease him by pleasuring yourself in front of him or do it via Skype (Thank you Kendra Basket). Try you being alone and take some arousal aids and then see what happens after that. If the still isn't the key. You need to leave and move on. But, once again, don't Be A Filthy Rat and cheat. It's not worth your dignity.

Answer 6

If you think you have something worth holding on to, try marriage counseling. But staying together for the sake of the kids is not a good idea if you aren't happy. It will just teach them to expect very little out of their own relationships one day. With child support and some lifestyle / budget changes, I am sure you'll find a way to support your kids. Just don't try to cut their father out of their lives entirely, or speak ill of him in front of your children. While he may not be the right one for you anymore, your kids undoubtedly still love him.

Answer 7

If you really wanted to leave there are ways to do it. I left my husband without having a job at all and i have three young children the oldest being 5 and i have custody of them. I tried to stay with my husband for the children but in the long run the children were miserable because i was and i wasn't good at hiding the way i felt. It was very scarey but it is possible.

Answer 8

By staying in the relationship when you are not happy you are doing more damage to the girls then good. Children can sense when there is problems in the house. Don't you want your girls to grow up and be strong women? You are showing them that a woman's happiness isn't very important. Take a stand and show your girls that you're a strong woman!!

Answer 9

these kinds of relationships cause more damage than any good. You should leave. if life is like this now it will only get worse as time goes by because there will be more to resent later on. Be strong, move on and work things out as they come along. Don't dwell on the things you don't know. Focus on what is important to you and the kids and that's a healthy environment and this one isn't.

Answer 10

Would you leave your husband if he had an injury that made it so he couldn't have sex with you? If the answer is yes, you are not a nice person. Just start being nice to him. Over and over be nice to him. Eventually he will be nice back and then you can start dating each other and the feelings will resurface. Kids need 2 parents. Especially girls.