obese son-how do i get him to realize his mistakes?

Question

son is 23-eats too much and not much exercise--is getting too obese but does not like advise. Lives away from home so does as he pleases---ppastas and chocolates and cheeses and ... I'm worried about him

Answer 1

Usually, when we want to help someone, we totally bare our souls to help the other person. We should not judge or belittle in our attempts to try to get the other person see their mistakes in order to get them to walk yet again on the right path. Someone that is obese is doing a great job of belittling themselves without the help of another pointing out their mistakes for them. Being overweight is depressing. We want to get healthy, but the motivation to do so is totally lacking, and we want to but we can't. It is mostly in the mind, but there nonetheless. We are tired and we feel terrible because of the added weight. We feel sluggish and worthless and feel like we can't even help ourselves. I am 40lbs heavier than I should be, and even 40 lbs have changed my total lease on life. I know that when I need help with my feeling toward my weight, my husband is there. He doesn't judge, he doesn't belittle, he is there the way he is supposed to for me. He is just there when I need him to listen. I love knowing that someone is there supporting me through hard times. Maybe you should do the same, your son needs you. You can't tell him that he is obese every waking minute if you do so. You can't tell him that he needs to exercise. We know that we are obese, and we know that we need to exercise. Just ask your son, "Son, what do you want me to do and I will do it, whatever it is, let me know and I will help you." That's it. Give yourself freely, without limits or bars. No conditions. Give all you can, I know that you love him, that is your son. Children need to know that we love them, and like us children, knowing that your parent is there for whatever is the most fullfilling thing you can experience. Just be there, let him talk, and you will know what to do when the time comes.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, this is likely caused by a lifetime of poor eating habits. Parents really need to think about teaching lifetime eating habits early (as in while they are children). Anyways, assigning blame doesn't help right now.

I'm sure you've already told him that you're concerned about his health. Has he seen a doctor? If this has just happened recently, it could be that he is depressed and needs to be treated. Alternatively, a thyroid problem will cause massive weight gain.

Make it fun for him - give him a copy of Body For Life, by Bill Phillips and tell him that you're entering the contest and you thought it would be fun if you did it together. It's a good program, with really good results - and even though I've never personally finished a challenge, I learn better eating habits that stick with me for life every time I try it.

Good luck and good health.

Answer 3

This sounds alot like my brother, who lives at home still and is 23 (so you're not doing as bad as you might believe.) My mom had the same problem with him eating poorly and having bad hygien. To get him to cut his hair she tried giving him the money for a haircut, he spent it on food. Instead she told him she had a gift certificate to a hair place that someone gave her that she would never use. That did the trick!
Later on we tried the same thing with a gift cert. to Trader Joes. and I had a girlfriend tell him she saw some pictures from my wedding where he looked really good! (60 lbs lighter.) I think it was just a lack of confidence that made him continue his bad habits, but after that incident he seemed to be making more of an effort. My husband and I started inviting him out with us and inroducing him to girls. Even though he's still single, knowing that he should have pride in his appearance has led him to a healthier lifestyle.

Answer 4

He is 23, don't let his problems be your problem as he is a grown man and he probably does know that his eating is out of control, he just doesn't want to be nagged about it or have it brought up for fear of embarrassment or feeling like a failure. The best thing you can do is to be his friend. Perhaps you can work out with him or engage in some other type of fun physical activity when you guys visit each other. It'll be a good father-son bonding time to boot! If you're his mom, just be his mom but...no nagging! He needs to feel grown up and his own person.

Answer 5

I know you are worried about him, but you can't change him. He has to decide to change himself and talking to him about it won't help. He can look in the mirror and he can see what he looks like and he knows how he feels. At his age, he do thinks that the health problems from obesity are for "old people" (hypertension, diabetes, mobility problems) but we know that these problems can affect any age.
I think some things that might help: when the topic comes up, gracefully, talk about healthy foods and actitivies. Gifts of "fun" activities (note: not exercise) biking, etc. He has to find a physical activity that he enjoys, otherwise he won't do it. Maybe recipes of quick to fix healthy meals that a guy would fix. Does he come to your home for any meals? Cook/serve healthy meals, but don't nag about it. Sometimes, food is the only control people have.
Good luck.

Answer 6

I understand how you feel. He is your son so you want the best for him. The best advice I can give you is stop being judgemental and get involved. Maybe you two can get into a weight loss regimen together (changing food habits, gym, walks in the afternoon, water aerobics, karate classes and so forth) that way you both are getting mother-son time and at the same time getting healthy. This way he will feel encouraged and supported and feel less like you are trying to tell him what to do.

Answer 7

Yeah you have the toughest section already carried out!! Admitting your section that's extensive!!! Now pass on your conferences and get help. you won't be able to alter your spouse, you changing your procedures would help her see that she would be able to have confidence you and would open some doors to healing the marriage. She has probable heard earlier you have been going to alter, and does not have confidence you. Write her a letter enable her know your intentions and what you plan to do to keep the marriage. If once you're healthy and characteristic executed a sturdy length of time of being sober, then you certainly can revisit the marriage commitments. i think of now's time for you the two to heal one after the different... stay committed to the marriage and your toddler and you're taken aback at how issues will shift.

Answer 8

Well if he is out on his own, there isnt much you can do. Try to inform him on the dangers of over-eating or eating the wrong foods. For Christmas or birthday get him a membership to a gym or a local weight help center. Good Luck!

Answer 9

He's an adult so there is not much to can do.
Express your concern and let it go. The more you try and advise, or help, the more he will ignore the issue.
Finn, that's a stupid remark. Why do you assume it is the parent's fault that the kid overeats?
Parent's do not cause all good or bad in their kids.
There is no program card to insert.

Answer 10

you hopefully raised him with his morals, value,s and character he now has... Since he lives away from home he can choose the life he wishes.... You as a parent are now out of it.. all you can do is voice your concern and hope he makes the best decision for himself..

You can tell him how you feel and what you think but darlin this is his life..... To lead as he chooses....

Ask him why he is eating like this....

Maybe something is bothering him .. or upset him .

But the choice is still his alone....