What is with my 15 year old???

Question

He is not allowed to have his cellphone until his midterms come and his grades have improved. He sneaks it and hides it and threatens his siblings if they "tell". He has chores he "forgets" to do. When I remind him, he says, "yes, ma'am", but still doesn't do them. He never has homework, but has failed classes in the past due to many missed assignments. He is 6' and weighs about 205 and constantly bullies his 8 year old brother who weighs about 60 pounds. What can I do??? I DID take him to a counselor last year. He says all the right things. He says he knows he has to do this or that, but, once at home, he doesn't even try. He is the oldest of 5, and has the least amount of responsiblity, due to the fact that he isn't responsible.

Answer 1

Sounds like he's a fairly normal 15 year old. They will try to push any and all boundries you set. But I question how serious you are with his "punishment." How does he "sneak' his cellphone? Where do you keep it that he can get to it? If necessary, take it with YOU all the time. What are the consequences when he doesn't do his chores? What are the consequences for his bullying? What are the consequences for his missed assignments? This is the time you have to say what you mean and mean what you say. It could mean stripping ALL privileges from him, including TV, computer time, going out with friends, sports, anything that has value to him and making him earn them back by demonstrating his responsibility and maintaining it for some agreed upon time period. This requires excessive diligence on YOUR part and can be exhausting, but you are just getting started with the teen years and can't afford to give up now.

Answer 2

Mam, He's 15 and the oldest. He's going to be a Bully to the youngest, He's going to be impossible for awhile, and COUNSELING DOES NOT HELP!!! You are the parent, dont ask people how you should parent. Put you foot down, Get aggressive, DONT SPARE THE ROD (sometimes its necessary...Forget all these laws, Hit ya kids, IT WORKED WITH MY PARENTS and my mom is my best friend). He's a teenager, a male teenager who is only a few years past his first wet dream. Be patient, but be strict. Oh, theres nothing wrong with bulling the younger brother, My brother did it to me. Its just all about growing up, It makes him tough too (if he doesnt do it, in high school someone else will - it teaches self-defense). Give him sometime ma'am, you said it yourself his grades are improving, so he isnt a TOTAL REBEL. Just young and full of *** (and testolsterones). HE'LL be ok, trust me!!!

Answer 3

When I was in high school my parents had a terrible time with me, I even moved half way across the country with my boyfriend at 17. He thinks he can get away with not helping as long as he agrees to do it. There is no conflict and he gets his way, he seems very manipulative. You should make him do his chores when you you ask him to , so he cant say "sure mom" and never do them. When he starts that just explain to him he always says that but it never gets done so he needs to do it NOW! And reinforce this by not letting him go places or what ever his current interest is.
As for the cell phone if he is 15 that means you are paying for it not him so turn it off, then he can't sneak it. When the semester ends if he is doing better get him a pre-paid phone you can just not buy him minutes if he isn't acting right.
I don't want to sound harsh but he walks over you because you let him. Be strong and stand your ground. No parent wants to be their child's enemy but he will thank you in the long run, If it wasn't for my parents being as strict as they were with me, I would more than likely be a high school drop out, and you don't want your son like that he sounds very intelligent.

"JUST BE STRONG AND REMEMBER WHO IS IN CHARGE"

Answer 4

Ok. 1st of all you don't just take away his cell phone you turn it off. And i don't mean the power, i mean the service. Then he can't use it. 2nd of all start taking away his privileges. That means until he starts acting mature you take away ALL of his privileges if you need to. Oh and if he fails in class, he fails. You can't really change this. Let him make his own decisions. Then'll he'll be able to learn from his mistakes. Oh and sorry but I don't think that counselour's always work. I think in his case though, he just needs some tough love. Oh and it would be a good idea to make sure that he knows that you make the rules not him. DO NOT ever let him think he's the boss.You are!!!!

Answer 5

The typical oldest child, the one with "entitlement" as I call it. They think they deserve more without working for it.
Anyway, obviously a smart kid. He has less responsibity because he has earned it by not doing what he should be doing. Best advice I have, and I mean this in the nicest way, see if you can get a male in the family to work with him and threaten to kick his butt if he keeps screwing up.
Has to be someone he admires tho. They really need a firm hand at this point and mom just doesn't cut it, no matter what.
Good luck - my boys are 24 & 23 and I wouldn't go back to 15 for anything.

Answer 6

You are in control of him whether he likes it or not. The only way to really control his cell phone is for you to take it until you want to give it back to him. I had my son's cell phone turned off by cell co for one day (no charge). He got my message.
My son would say, Yes, I'll do this or that and never do it.
They tell you what they think you want to hear. You have the upper hand. Hold onto cell until he does what you want.
It is very common for children this age to not turn in homework which causes their grades to go down. My daughter at that age got Ds in classes because of missed assignments. We got her a calendar as when to turn in assignments and it got better. Its still always a battle. (She now graduated from Purdue as an Engineer). The family bully, as your son seems to be, can be tamed by taking away priviliges. I found that works better than anything. You may have to spend more time with your son, seems he wants attention. If he can't get good attention, he'll get bad attention. Good luck.

Answer 7

you hold on to the phone at all times, so he can't get to it, and then just lay down the law. What you will/won't accept, what hs reward is for good grades, etc, and also, while you're at it, let him know that he has to pull his weight, if it helps make an official chart/rota so there can be no debate. If he doesn't do what has been agreed, just be strict, it may hurt you for a while, but as long as you remind him that you do love him and it's just for his own good then he will give in eventually because stubborn as we are, we don't like to have a bad atmosphere around us all the time...

Answer 8

I can't tell you what will work in your case, no one can. Even counselors can only make recomendations. What worked with my step son was a very explicit set of rules with consequences and rewards. We spelled out everything: if you do this than you get this, if you don't do this then then this happens.... Basically, give him a list of expectations and the consequences both positive and negative for the choices he makes. Then on your end, you must stick with them no matter what (even if it means taking away the phone and having it disconected), after all you set the rules. Its hard work and very frustrating at times.
We ended up with lots of cursing and vulgarities sent our way when we would not give on the consquences, but eventually it worked out. Our son now understands that for every choice he makes there are consequences good and bad. He has realized that the choices he makes now can and will affect him for the rest of his life.

Answer 9

I have a 15 yr. old JUST like yours, so I took EVERYTHING from his room except his bed and dresser. I took his cell phone and his laptop. He had to earn each thing back andbelieve me they want their stuff back! But it doesn't come easy, maybe earn 1 or 2 things a month, and not what they want to earn back first, but what I decided to give back first, the small things. He didn't do chores or keep grades up then nothing back. I contacted each teacher asked to send note home each week for progress, they are very willing to help, and then went from there, bad report nothing back! Be firm, stick to it--It works!!! They desperately want their luxeries back!!!! P.S. I have 2 other kids ages 13 and 8, they see this they learn to do things the first time they are asked!

Answer 10

Hes just a bully.. Im sorry to say that. Just show him what can happen if he doesnt do things that a responsibly. dont give him anything he want. Start by cutting off the cell phone. Dont give him a dime, if he is in HS and has to pay for lunch You can prepay. if you can't then, give him the money for school. But just for lunch. Just take everything away. Make him earn it back.