My 10 year old is choosing her path, how much do I interfere?

Question

When my daughter puts her mind to it she is very capable and does excellent, neat, complete school work; she can be very responsible but... More times than not, she chooses to do her homework very sloppy (you can barely read it sometimes), she refuses to put her papers in her folder so they're all wrinkled, she doesn't show me certain papers the teacher sends home so then I get nasty phone calls from the teacher.

I talk, reason and explain to her the importance of neat and complete work; I lead by example to no avail. She has always been this way, it's nothing new. I love my daughter, but I am beginning to feel she is old enough now to reap what she sows. I'm feeling like may be I should let her do her "thing" and as a result she may not move on to the next grade; then may be the embarrassment will shape her up for the years to come. What do you all think?

Answer 1

If she is capable of doing neat complete work then it should be expected of her. Be certain you have ruled out any underlying problem such as a learning disability or ADD. But she is 10 and you are her mother - you can interfere a lot. No 10 year old is mature enough to rule her own life.

Talk to her teacher and together make a plan for how to handle this and to ensure you always know when a note or paper is sent home. Ask her teacher what she thinks about your daughter's overall potential and her work. If it were me, I would have your daughter at the meeting, or at least at part of it, so that she knows you are both in this together and are serious. I expect her teacher will appreciate your involvement.

Your daughter needs consequences now when her work is not acceptable. No need for her to have to repeat a year - that should be unnecessary - think of immediate consequences. Consequences such as repeating a grade, which seems far in the future to a 10 year old, probably won't work. What sort of stuff does she have in her room - TV, video games, toys, etc.? Explain to her (just once) that these are privileges, not rights, and that with all privileges come responsibilities. Her responsibility in life right now is to do her best in school. Tell her she will lose a privilege every time there is unsatisfactory school work - and she won't get it back easily. If necessary take some of it to the Salvation Army or Goodwill to show her you are serious. She has to earn it back.

If your daughter has always been able to get away with not doing her best school work, keep in mind that things may get worse before they get better. She may be angry that you are taking this stand and she will probably try to manipulate you a little (normal for a 10 year old) and rebel at first against the new way of doing things. She probably won't believe that you are serious. But if she is capable of good work you are doing her an injustice by not demanding it of her.

Remember that this problem will probably get harder to address as your daughter gets older - not easier. Now is the time to do something about it.

You may want to look at some organizational steps for homework:

1. Have a set time for homework.

2. For a while, sit with her while she does it. As things improve have her show it to you for approval when she finishes.

3. Have her do it again if it is not her best work.

4. Ask her teacher if she would share a home/school journal with you for a while - you write a note to the teacher everyday and let her know how homework went and she writes a note to you everyday to let you know how school went and that night's homework, etc. This notebook will become a good anecdotal record of progress.

That's how I see it. I hope these thoughts help. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

Answer 2

You sound like a very wonderful mother. I believe that kids should be able to be kids but in this case it seems like your daughter needs a little direction. She may not like what you have to say but it will be for her own good. I think that you should have a talk with her and see if that helps. If that does not work may be you should use reinforcements (like a reward system). I'm not saying give her gifts but just let her know how wonderful she is for her accomplishments. Remember she is still learning and growing. I am sure will change sooner or later.

Answer 3

It sounds frustrating. I look at so many of my students and see vast potential to do amazing things, but a lack of effort and organization prevents them from succeeding. Organization and work ethic are a skill and should be practiced. Perhaps you could have a checklist for your daughter. Every time she finishes it, she checks it off. Then, you double check to see if it truly is completed.

Example:
Graded papers returned to parent.
Homework completed neatly.
Homework placed in folder; folder placed in backpack.

After the checklist is complete (checked by her first and then by you) your daughter could have a reward, such as 30 minutes of T.V. or a treat. When the system seems to be working, you wouldn't need to check on her work every day.

I hope this is helpful, and am glad for your concern as a parent. Your daughter is lucky to have you.

Answer 4

A ten year old child isn't capable of gauging the long term consequences of her actions. I would hope ;you would set up a system so that the rewards of doing good work are much more preferable than the consequences of doing poor work. Set up reward and punishment and make both serious to her. If these are set up properly, she'll shape up. It's notyour job to be her friend. Your job is to raise a child. And that's not always "fun."

Answer 5

you've tried foremost with party, it quite is a sturdy commence- yet have you ever tried a rewards equipment? some youngsters reply fairly properly to them. per chance you would possibly want to have a form of a tally on the wall of her achievments- each and every time she receives a sturdy mark or produces slightly of work it quite is neat, legible and correctly-offered, positioned a superstar sticky label on the wall (only for one party- in the different case, you would possibly want to have a music of achievment with a portable marker)- each and every time she does something sturdy, she will be able to make certain the benefits and on the right of each week, fortnight or month, she will be able to get slightly advantages for it (a small toy, going to make certain a movie, and so on.) basically as we get rewards for our artwork in the grownup international through promotions, pay-rises, compliments, and so on. youngsters want something which appeals to them as a advantages. She isn't a lost reason through any skill- she basically needs targets and a self-known it quite is depending round something which she quite needs to achieve- if she is popular with that sturdy habit is favoured with a take care of of sweet, toys or an vacation, she'll want to save up the sturdy artwork. each and each baby has diverse issues which stimulate and encourage them... attempt borrowing some books on parenting from the library to get some suggestions... it really is only a remember of searching the right approach for her.

Answer 6

You should TRY to influnce her in doing the right things. Maybe there are some troubles bothering her and she is not talking her problems with you. Maybe explain to her the situation that will happen if she does not do good. Basically, you have chosen your fate of being a parent. So it is your job to guide, support, give lessons, teach values to your children.

Answer 7

As a teacher, if I can't read it, I don't accept it. If your daughter gets a teacher with that philosophy, she'll learn to straighten up really quickly! Maybe you can ask her teacher to reject your daughter's sloppy work.