2006-08-22 00:39:54 · 44 answers · asked by dips 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
Forget about him before he causes you any more serious troubles. He obviously doesn't love you very much. There are many reasons to go on with someone without much love - and RESPECT. That will teach you both a valuable lesson. He'll learn not to use people. You'll learn to say the word "no".
2006-08-22 00:54:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You may not want to hear what you're about to hear from more than one person... but we all have to say it anyway.
Children misbehave. Mature people do not "misbehave." He is consciously choosing to be damaging to you.
When you tell someone they are hurting you and they do not apologize and say they didn't mean to... then it was something they did on purpose.
By telling you if he hurts you, then don't talk to him... he's hurting you again. On top of that, he's being controlling. This is his way of making you tolerate his rudeness and infliction of pain.
This is typically step one in an abusive relationship. Gaining control and getting the person to accept you inflicting pain on them. Right now it's verbal and emotional. At some point it will become physical. It's just a personality type and there's little to be done about it.
He will need counseling before he's ever able to have a healthy relationship and it's not often that the counseling works in this situation. It could take years... it might not ever change anything.
You need to remove yourself from ANY relationship that causes you pain... especially if the person inflicting that pain is only trying to control you... not even apologize for the damage they've caused to you.
You deserve better. You do not deserve to be hurt. You have done nothing wrong here. You need to be in a relationship where you are respected and your feelings are valued and where you are safe in every way.
Know that he will might get a little crazy if you try to dump him. It might make him angry... he might even promise to do anything if you'll stay... depends on what other controlling behaviors he has personally. But... no matter what he says or does, he is who he is and you need to get as far away from him as you can.
If you are living at home, please tell your parents what is going on with him... and that you are dumping him... and could they please help you if he acts out, calls or shows up. Let them know that he's been hurting you and you don't want to patch things up... but you might need their help and you just wanted to let them know what was going on. This way they're aware of his behavior in your relationship and they can assist you if you need it.
I will tell you that my response to you comes from being 46 years old... from having been in an abusive relationship and remembering how it all started... and from watching my daughter go through the same thing. But... she knew, from my experience, what the early signs were, and she got out. 4 years later, the guy still talks about her like she was the great love of his life... and it still creeps her out... but she's in a safe healthy loving relationship now (one year anniversary yesterday!) and she's much happier than she ever was with him.
My best to you... be strong and stay firm. Never let anyone hurt you and get away with it. The first time they hurt you, you're a victim. If it ever happens again, you're a volunteer. Don't volunteer.
2006-08-22 02:04:58 · answer #2 · answered by thegirlwholovedbrains 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So give him exactly what he wants: don't talk to him. In fact, don't BE with him! For cryin' out loud, honey, I think you "can't see the forest for the trees," here. (Meaning that you are waaaay too close to the situation to see it for what it is.) People are blunderers when it comes to relationships and there will be times when a boyfriend - or a friend - or a family member - hurts your feelings or is rude or insensitive. If these are not the jaw-dropping, "you-gotta-be-kidding-me" kind of episodes, then you talk about them, and forgive and forget. However, even if they are not "jaw-dropping," there is no excuse....
(repeat: NO EXCUSE)
...for the response to be "then don't talk to me." If his response to you, when you point out that he was rude and it hurt your feelings is that YOU should simply not talk to HIM so as to avoid his rudeness, then - wow - he is not merely "misbehaving" ...he is being completely disrepectful and has just evidenced that he doesn't have a shred of decency when it comes to your feelings.
This is not love. Hell, this isn't even "like." No one is worth that - not even a boyfriend. Better to be on your own for awhile than be treated like that.
We teach people how to treat us. If you allow him to treat you with such disrespect and rudeness, then you will always be treated that way.....not only by him, but by the person who follows him. The time to stop is NOW. Stop allowing anybody to treat you that way. Drop him like a hot potato (ooooh, showing my age with THAT idiom) and move on. In the future, treat people with kindness and respect and expect the same in return. When you don't get it, don't make a huge issue or fuss over it, just move on. When you do get it, cherish it.
You deserve better. Make it happen.
2006-08-22 00:55:50 · answer #3 · answered by two 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me remind you that Aristotle's idea that there is friendship of utility, friendship of pleasure, and friendship of goodness is applicable to intimate relationships as well. There are those people who use each other for pleasure, to gain something , and there is a rarer find which is to enjoy being with a person and really respecting them and valuing them for being exactly who they are. Aristotle must have realized that in relationships there is usually a mixture of all three but I don't recall him stating that in Ethics. I once met a wonderful woman, Gabriele, whom I will always remember. She said to breathe people in and out like resperation. I suggest that you follow that. You have a lifetime where people will stumble into your life. Allow them to come in, and if you can do something to help them during their time with you then you have acted well, and when they are ready to part just allow it to happen. With the intimacy of a boyfriend obviously there is a physical intimacy, a sense of sexual pleasure and companionship and so as creatures of pleasure it is hard to part from someone whom we "love" in that way. Remember that Plato suggested that we love what we don't have and to some degree we are attracted to opposites that might complement us for what we lack; however if you find yourself fighting with this person a lot that should be a good sign to move onto something different
2006-08-22 01:03:33 · answer #4 · answered by Steven S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi, time for you to think over what is positive about him to stay. There's no excuse to be rude in a relationship. Of course you do not have to agree for 100% (there's no such thing) but misbehavior and violence are forbidden things. Problems can be solved by talking and listening to each other.
Please do reconsider, there are so many good people out there but you need to invest time and kindness to find them.
2006-08-22 00:52:56 · answer #5 · answered by plie3824 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he doesn't mind being cruel to you. He may be taking out his anger on you just because he can. Don't be his battering ram. He will continue to do this as long as you allow it. It is for him a safe way to vent his anger at the world , life, whatever has or will happen to him, he knows he can take it out on you. Because you will take it. He will say he is sorry and then do it over and over and over. He is not sorry.And it is not alright. Get some help and counseling if it continues.
2006-08-22 00:57:27 · answer #6 · answered by cathyhewed1946 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
mine is same as yours.. he misbehave most of the time.. unreasonable, stressful, childlike and each little thing.. yet he loves me a lot.. i ought to assert.. he cried after I broke up with him yet now's diff tale, we'd want to been at the same time for 6 yrs as husband and spouse, he each from time to time act an same previously.. yet i ought to assert, he's a sturdy father and service. he's no longer a perfect husband yet now i comprehend that appearing like those issues are basically his way of showing his insecurities.. yet given a probability, there are sturdy side that want to be considered.
2016-11-26 22:45:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to make him an exbf. you told him it hurts that he was rude, and all he had to say was ok don't talk to me shows he is uncaring. get a bf that is not rude and cares about how you feel. this guy is not going to get any better, especially if you let him by with it. life is too short to be with guys like him.
2006-08-22 00:50:41 · answer #8 · answered by Debi K 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Love yourself first, I know it's hard after being treated this way, you sometimes feel like you deserve the treatment..because you "love him" "can't live without him" think about it. Leave while you still can, and you'll find yourself and find a man that can respect and love you the way you deserve.
2006-08-22 00:50:21 · answer #9 · answered by MzzandtheChuchuBees 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's not only rude yesterday but will be tomorrow and forever. Leave him!!! I'm sure he'll use you as a scapegoat on all his frustrations. Trust me, I've been there.
2006-08-22 00:52:18 · answer #10 · answered by Muffin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋