He rode into battle whith banner unfurled praising the god that made the world, his mighty sword raised that all should know that he was leading his soldiers to fight a glorius battle. the charge was something for all to see, thearchers in the rear on bended knee, there arrows swift moveing in the morning air to find a target.as a panting blood streaked mass they fought asking no mercy giving ought, they slashed they wurled they fought and they died, and over there corpses the others cried ,The glorious heroes,He lay on the battlefield armour askew, he,d fought his last fight the soldiers new a thin film of sweat lay on his brow, tis better to finish this story now
2006-08-22 00:03:31 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Could do with a bit of redrafting perhaps. I would check the spelling as well. I liked your approach to rhyme, not all of it is regular, and that could be developed. I don't like the last line 'tis better to finish this story now.' It just doesn't seem to fit well with the rest of the poem, but the subject on the whole is fine, the story is quite exciting. Keep it up!
2006-08-22 00:26:24 · answer #1 · answered by Buzzard 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty good. You need to arrange the stanzas in a way that people can see when a rhyme is coming up. Overall it was pretty good, as I said. I think I "got it". The great thing about writing is that you can read it back and make improvements. Never be afraid of improvement.
2006-08-22 07:44:53 · answer #2 · answered by Dr Know It All 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be proud of yourself for such an effort.Not many people could actually sit and be able to write poetry and also use such great words to make great imagery !!! do remember to spell check though because all your efforts could be thrown by your presentation OK?
2006-08-22 07:26:44 · answer #3 · answered by Ali.D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If YOU wrote that then my prick's a bloater. How come the "poetry" is so much better than your question which you can neither spell nor punctuate properly?
2006-08-22 07:44:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Brilliant!!
2006-08-22 09:12:33 · answer #5 · answered by ♥ Miss Sausage ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some parts were ok... But correct spelling would help, keep trying :-)
2006-08-22 07:24:06 · answer #6 · answered by Richard 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like it but it needs tweaking and you need to put your commas in the right places for it to flow. - it's very good otherwise
2006-08-24 09:32:33 · answer #7 · answered by Curious39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you. Check your spelling though
2006-08-22 07:21:20 · answer #8 · answered by LOAJP 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hate poetry, who ever made any decent money writing poetry?
2006-08-22 07:21:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
not to my taste, but I wont put you down.. it seems like a good piece.
2006-08-22 07:23:06 · answer #10 · answered by dianafpacker 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋