Was it my fault? Was I wrong?

Question

i'm married w/ 2 kids, i'm 23 now & my husband is 28. i would say that he's not mature enough to take on the responsibility as the head of the family. he still goes out with his buddies, which is fine with me, but sometimes it tends to get frequent. he was actually going out last night but i didn't want him to go, coz he just left last Thursday, & our youngest daughter fractured her arm, & i basically want him home for paternal support. i want to see him care somehow. now he says i don't want him going out, that i'm putting a leash around his neck, that i'm trying to run his life. was i wrong in this?

Answer 1

No, you aren't wrong! Tell him its time to grow up and to leave the high school and college day of partying with his buddies behind. Tell him that you aren't trying to alienate him from his friends, but you and the kids should be his priorities now. Are his friends single? If they are, he doesn't need to be in that environment.
If possible try switching things around a little bit. Make plans to go out with your friends. Have your friend there and be ready to walk out the door as soon as he gets home from work. Or Saturday afternoon, say See ya, I'm going out, have fun with the kids! Don't give him any warning or time to try to get his way out of it.
The fact that he said you are ruining his life is a major sign of immaturity. That's stuff that kids say to their parents. You are ruining his life because you asked him to pay more attention to you? PLEASE! I think you need to make him learn more responsibility or get rid of him.

SHow him these answers and maybe he will realize what a bad husband and dad he is being.

Answer 2

It is NOT ur fault!!! it is all human & Soooo feminine
NO ur NOT wrong!! it is just the nature of men

though u'rll r parents ..both of u r young so there is nothing wrong in enjoing life in reasonable ways what u'll like, both of u have that previllage...but men (majority) r very selfish & think they can go aroung do anything while the wife looks after the children & do the house work. Which is very very common & wrong!!
At a time of necssacity he must support u & be responsible of the family.Despite seeking his own pleasures to please himself.
BUT be understanding....good for ur family life seek the help of a maid or a relative.So that u will not be exuasted & loose ur balance. You need to think clearly to have a good metality. Otherwise u will end up being miserable.
Also try to show ur husband in a loving caring way that u need him in good & bad situations equally.
& remember these r the little test that life put u through to check u out for ur faith, sustanability,love & the streangth of ur bonds!!
Hope u only want be a winner...

Answer 3

No u are not wrong...Its ok to go out with friends, but NO more than once a month..If he wants to go out so much, then he should have never got married or had 2 kids...He has a responsibility to u and the kids first, friends last. Are all his friends single? If so they maybe talking him into it...I suggest sitting down and talking with him without seeming like u are attacking him...Together, pick out how often u both feel is ok going out (basically negotiate) Good luck..

Answer 4

You are not wrong in your thoughts. You and your husband need to work this out. Counseling if you can talk but kind of think your husband wont do that.

Again talk talk and talk again. Listen listen and listen again. Try not to get pissed. If he wants to keep going out tell him you want the same amount of time as he gets to go out with the girls.

You might also tell him that marriage is not about woman staying home taking care of the kids, cleaning the house and having sex with the male when he wants. Marriage is joint adventure where all share in the duties and fun.

Good luck

Answer 5

hey hi,sorry for the situation u r in right now.dont worry,cheer up.first of all the problem is that u both got married at a very young age.ok,at this age every man would like to go out with and have fun,its ok,u need to understand that and i am happy u did.when u r husband doesnt understand his responsibilities,u should really go with a cool head,let him understand the importance of u as a family in his life.so make him sit down,and speak to him in aloving way.tell him who u are and how much importance he has in the family.make him understand that ur children are his fleash and blood.i think u dont go out with him,so from the today sk him very slowly to take u and children ouy everyday for a walk or for a dinner or somewhere.make him forget his buddies,keep smiling allways,give him whatever he had asked as a wife.keep him happy.look romantic allways.there is nothing u can achieve with hatred,u have to get it only with LOVE,remeber this.And pray to god ,he'll help u.u need to be very patient,if u loose temper,it will strike u back.ok.take care
may god bless u and be with u allways &may every wish of urs be fullfilled
byeeeeeeeee
chris

Answer 6

yikes ... have you considered ending this marriage? I hate to say that because you have kids, but a 28-yr-old guy who is MARRIED should not be wanting to go out with his buddies all the time. He should want to spend his time with his wife and kids. "Putting a leash around his neck"?? That's ridiculous, and I would be pi$$ed it I were you. He is a husband and a father ... does he not realize that?

Answer 7

i dont think its wrong to be home with your family at least 4 days a week. then the other 3 days spend them with friends. but not all night, maybe a couple of hours.(2 or 3 hours only) family should be important to both of you, not just 1.
the kids see that he dont want to be home and they want him home, im sure.
on nanny 911(tv show) they say the same thing.
ask him to find something that his kids can do with him or that you can do together those 4 days together.

1)have movie night, each person(including dad) takes a turn picking out a movie that you have or get one from the local library(they are free and keep them for 3 days)
2) make a dinner that everyone can help with(someone makes 1 thing(including dad) kids could set table. and help with food. if old enough.
3) board game night: get games from the dollar store or from walmart(christmas' if you do that', birthdays and just because)
4) ride bikes after dinner for an hour together(including dad)

just a couple of ideas I have seen on nanny 911 to show how to get dads involved with the family. then find some on your own.
good luck. and make it fun.

say this to him: no, im trying to run your life or putting a leash on you, you should want to spend a little time with your family , and that you can still spend 3 days with your friends and the other 4 days with your family and when your friends want to do something on 1 of the 4 days that are set aside for family time that you should explain to your friends that YOU WANT to spend time with all of US. your friends should not give you a hard time about wanting to spend time with family. and that you want show your kids how to be a good dad and this is your way of showing this. by sharing the week with your friends and your family.

YOU ARE NOT WRONG.

Answer 8

No, you're not wrong. Especially when your daughter fractured her arm. She should come first. Unfortunately you guys married pretty young so he has gotten in the mind set where he can do whatever he wants still without putting his marriage first. You need to sit his @ss down and be up front with him and tell him he needs to man the ***** up and be a role model for his kids, and not be a kid himself.

Answer 9

You are not wrong at all. If he wants to go and hang with his buddies then once every few weeks is fine. My husband only does that once a month and we don't even have kids. I have to force him to go and hang out with his friends. He feels bad leaving me at the house alone. (I just moved here and don't have friends around) You are right and tell him how you are feeling, I am sure if you word it right, he will understand

Answer 10

You were not putting a leash around his neck. You needed him at home to help with your daughter. At times like this that is where he belongs. He has to put his family first before his buddies. He has to grow up.